15 Common Reasons for a Sexless Marriage & Ways to Deal With It

When passion cools, or intimacy feels out of reach, it can be confusing… even a little lonely.

Some couples quietly wonder, “Is it just us?” while others wrestle with the silence in their own ways.

The truth is, a sexless marriage isn’t always about love fading away; it can be tied to stress, health, misunderstandings, or just the messy rhythm of daily life.

What starts as “we’ll get back to it soon” can stretch into months, and before you know it, the distance feels heavier than expected. It doesn’t mean hope is gone, but it does mean paying attention to yourself, your partner, and the reasons hiding beneath the surface.

What is a sexless marriage?

A sexless marriage isn’t just about numbers, though people often define it as having little to no sexual intimacy—sometimes less than ten times a year.

But what does that really mean for two people sharing a life?

For some, it feels like missing closeness; for others, it’s about longing for a connection beyond the physical.

The sexless marriage definition captures the absence of intimacy, yet the impact reaches into emotions, self-esteem, and the way partners relate… leaving both wondering what changed and how to find their way back.

• Is sexless marriage a problem?

Sexless marriages can be problematic. However, it depends on what kind of emotional relationship you have if we look into the sexless marriage statistics.

A sexless marriage can ruin your relationship if you start feeling isolated. Falling apart can make you crave affection and emotional intimacy, which might be demanding as you don’t feel connected to your partner. 

LCSW Danica Mitchell says,

For many couples, a sexless marriage is a problem, but some couples are fine without sex, and it is something each couple needs to determine for themselves.

15 common reasons for a sexless marriage & ways to deal with it

Every couple’s story is different, yet there are common threads that explain why intimacy fades. Sometimes it’s stress or exhaustion, other times it’s unspoken feelings, health concerns, or shifting priorities.

Understanding these reasons doesn’t place blame—it simply helps shine a light on what might be happening behind the silence, and gently points toward how to deal with a sexless marriage.

1. Different or low sex drives

It is rare for partners’ sex drives to be a perfect match. If both spouses experience a loss of libido or don’t value sex as much as their friendship, feeling of emotional security, and other aspects of their marriage, it can still work out, no matter how sexually active they are.

Yet, for couples whose sexual drives are mismatched, finding a fine line between satisfying each other’s needs and not pushing them to be physically intimate when they do not want to may be problematic. 

Nevertheless, it does not necessarily mean that couples facing sex issues have reached the point of no return. 

Truth be told, if they are willing to save their relationship, it is crucial to be open to having tough conversations and consulting a sexologist or a therapist.

Here is what you can do:

• Talk openly about your needs without judgment or blame.
• Explore non-sexual intimacy (like cuddling, massage, or shared activities) to stay close.
• Consider seeking guidance from a therapist to find a healthy middle ground.

2. Childbirth 

After giving birth, doctors often suggest waiting at least a month or two before resuming intercourse to allow the body time to heal. Beyond the medical side, caring for a newborn can be overwhelming—sleepless nights, constant responsibilities, and shifting routines leave little space for intimacy.

Add to that the physical changes, fatigue, and fluctuating hormones, and it’s no surprise that a woman’s sex drive may feel very different. Emotional adjustments, learning new roles as parents, and even anxiety about intimacy after birth can all play a part in creating distance during this tender phase.

Here is what you can do:

• Be patient with yourself and your partner—healing and adjustment take time.
• Create small moments of closeness that aren’t sexual, like holding hands or short walks together.
• Talk openly about how you’re both feeling, and seek medical or emotional support if needed.

3. Menopause

Menopause is also one of the prime causes of sexless marriages as it influences hormonal levels, so there is a strong correlation between them.

During such periods, it is crucial to remember that while sex may be barely on the table, it does not mean that partners should give up on showing each other affection in other ways to make sure they both feel wanted and valued.

Here is what you can do:

• Explore non-sexual intimacy to keep emotional connection alive.
• Speak with a doctor about options that can ease menopause-related symptoms.
• Practice patience and reassurance so both partners feel supported.

4. Communication problems

The communication gap is one of the biggest reasons for sexless marriages. These are not necessarily fights or conflicts. Everything might be as simple (and at the same time as hard) as a failure to voice one’s sexual desires.

When one or both spouses are no longer satisfied with the process and need a change, it is paramount to ensure the other half knows about it.

Moreover, suppose you had negative experiences, such as sexual abuse. In that case, the partner must understand how difficult it was to go through and how to approach physical intimacy, without traumatizing the affected person.

Here is what you can do:

• Create a safe, calm space for honest talks about intimacy.
• Use “I feel” statements instead of blame to express needs.
• If struggles run deep, consider couples therapy for guided communication.

5. Health issues

Health challenges can quietly affect intimacy, sometimes leading couples into a sexless marriage. One common concern is erectile difficulties, which may leave men feeling anxious or unsure of themselves, impacting both confidence and desire.

The causes can vary—heart conditions, stress, mental health struggles, or even side effects of certain medications. Women, too, may face health-related issues such as hormonal imbalances, chronic pain, or post-surgery recovery that reduce sexual interest.

These challenges don’t reflect a lack of love; they simply show how deeply physical and emotional well-being are connected to intimacy.

Here is what you can do:

• Encourage each other to seek medical help without shame.
• Focus on emotional closeness when physical intimacy feels hard.
• Be patient and supportive while navigating health challenges together.

6. Depression/Anxiety

Another cause of a sexless marriage is depression or anxiety. When a person loses interest in life and feels hopeless or restless, it takes a toll on their relationships. When you or your partner experiences a mental health issue, it is necessary to seek medical attention.

In this case, no sex in a marriage should be the least of your concerns, as, without professional help, these conditions might lead to devastating consequences.

Here is what you can do:

• Encourage professional help, such as therapy or counseling.
• Offer consistent emotional support without pressuring your partner for intimacy.
• Focus on small, positive activities together to rebuild connection.

7. Side effects of medication

It often comes as a surprise that certain prescribed drugs can lower sexual desire or make intimacy feel more difficult. If you notice changes in your sex drive after starting medication, and it feels concerning, it may be worth talking with your doctor.

Danica Mitchell further adds,

It is an unfortunate reality, but many providers do not warn about sexual side effects before prescribing a medication. If you think you are experiencing sexual side effects, you should speak to your healthcare provider.

They can help confirm whether the medication is the cause and, if needed, discuss possible adjustments or alternatives that support both your health and well-being.

Here is what you can do:

• Track any changes in sex drive after starting or changing medication.
• Consult your doctor and ask directly about possible alternatives.
• Don’t self-adjust medication—professional guidance is safest.

8. Lack of foreplay

Many partners move too quickly into sex without much, or any, foreplay. This is one of the leading reasons why the other partner loses interest.

Women, especially, may need more time to feel aroused, and this is where foreplay becomes essential.

Taking things slowly, being creative, and investing enough time in warm-up activities can turn intimacy into something more enjoyable.

Here is what you can do:

• Explore different forms of foreplay such as touch, kissing, or playful teasing.
• Communicate openly about what feels good and what doesn’t.
• Treat intimacy as quality time, not a rushed activity.

9. Unhealthy sexual behaviors

Anyone can develop patterns around sex that feel confusing, uncomfortable, or disruptive to their partner. While personal preferences are valid, certain behaviors may come across as hurtful or difficult to accept, creating distance in the relationship.

If you or your partner feels unsure about how to handle such situations, reaching out to a sexologist or therapist can offer support and healthier ways forward.

Here is what you can do:

• Share your boundaries clearly and respectfully.
• Listen without judgment to your partner’s preferences.
• Seek professional guidance if behaviors feel harmful or hard to manage alone.

10. Poor hygiene

Personal hygiene plays an important role in intimacy, and when it’s overlooked, it can create both physical and emotional barriers between partners. Good hygiene not only reduces the risk of infections but also helps maintain comfort and confidence during closeness.

Simple practices—like keeping private areas clean, wearing fresh undergarments, and avoiding oral sex if there are any sores—can make a real difference. If either partner is dealing with an infection or related concern, consulting a healthcare professional can bring reassurance and help restore intimacy with greater confidence.

Here is what you can do:

• Keep up with regular bathing and grooming habits.
• Wear clean, comfortable clothing and undergarments.
• Support your partner gently if they’re dealing with an infection or health issue.

11. Body changes

Changes in the body—whether weight gain, health issues, or simply the natural effects of aging—can sometimes lead to insecurity. When one or both partners feel less confident, they may start avoiding intimacy, and over time, this pattern can quietly become routine.

What begins as a temporary hesitation might grow into a lasting distance, leaving both partners wondering what shifted. It’s important to remember that attraction is about more than appearance; emotional connection and reassurance often matter just as much.

Gentle encouragement, patience, and open communication can help rebuild confidence and closeness.

Here is what you can do:

• Offer genuine compliments and reminders of attraction to build confidence.
• Focus on emotional closeness through shared activities and quality time.
• If body image struggles run deep, explore therapy or support groups together.

12. A shift in mental state

High levels of stress can easily affect intimacy, sometimes leaving you too drained or distracted to think about sex. When life brings big changes—work pressure, financial worries, or family responsibilities—it’s natural for your mind to focus elsewhere.

In these moments, sex may feel less enjoyable, or even like another task on the list. Over time, mental strain can create emotional distance as well, making it harder to relax and connect.

Here is what you can do:

• Practice stress-relief habits like exercise, meditation, or journaling.
• Create “no-stress” moments with your partner, even if just 15 minutes daily.
• Share openly about what’s on your mind instead of carrying the weight alone.

13. Unresolved conflicts

Conflicts are a part of the relationship, but they can slowly weaken your connection if left unresolved. Unresolved issues often make you feel lonely, even while being together.

Sometimes a partner loses focus, and instead of nurturing the bond, they allow disagreements to seep into their sex life, leaving it distant and dry. Over time, this can build walls of resentment that are hard to break down.

Honest conversations and gentle compromise become essential to prevent small arguments from turning into lasting barriers to intimacy.

Here is what you can do:

• Address issues calmly instead of letting them pile up.
• Focus on finding solutions, not just proving who’s right or wrong.
• If patterns repeat, try couples counseling to break the cycle.

14. Wrong reasons to live together

While divorce does affect kids, having unhappy parents may do even more damage. If you have nothing in common but the children and “date nights” or “together alone,” time does not change that. It is not a good sign.

Sometimes, constant compromise without genuine joy makes you question whether the relationship is built on love or something else entirely.

Here is what you can do:

• Reflect honestly on what’s keeping you in the relationship.
• Invest in activities that bring joy beyond shared responsibilities.
• Consider professional help to evaluate whether rebuilding is possible.

15. Not caring enough

Sometimes, people grow apart, and having no physical intimacy might be one of the signs. If it is not hard for you to see yourself waking up alone or with another person, you might already be over your partner.

When facing sexual problems, there is nothing worse than paying no heed to the issues or feeling ashamed of discussing them. Both partners should be open to dialogue to address the problems before they lead to mutual hostility and divorce, to save a marriage.

Danica Mitchell comments,

Many couples are able to reignite their passion for one another, but other couples realize a sexless marriage is a symptom of larger problems.

One of the most underrated reasons for a sexless marriage is losing a sense of responsibility and care toward your partner.

Here is what you can do:

• Make small daily efforts to show appreciation and care.
• Revisit shared goals and dreams to strengthen the bond.
• If the relationship feels neglected, start with honest conversations about what each of you truly wants.

Watch this video in which Michelle Farris, a licensed psychotherapist, shares 7 secrets to help you show that you care in a relationship:

5 potential effects of a sexless marriage

If you have found yourself coping with a sexless marriage, it does not mean that you or your spouse should necessarily separate or that any of you want it at all.

However, sexless marriages can leave a dent in your relationship. Here are some effects of a sexless marriage that you shouldn’t ignore:

• Feeling negative and lonely all the time
• Experiencing emotions such as resentment, frustration, and guilt
• Avoiding sex as the pressure becomes too much to handle  
• Being less involved in your partner’s life and decisions
• Sexless marriage can be a massive problem for people who lack patience

If you believe that there are problems with physical intimacy in your relationships, having an honest conversation about it is the first step. It is crucial to voice your wants and needs without criticizing your significant other. 

When it comes to talking about sex, many people feel vulnerable, and sometimes even small slips in wording can hurt feelings. In some conversations, the thought of separation might come up, so it’s important to listen to yourself and your partner to understand what each of you truly wants.

If at least one of the spouses wants out of the relationship and has already made up their mind, the other person needs to think about whether trying to “make it work” is worth their time and energy.

FAQs

A sexless marriage can bring up confusion, self-doubt, and many unanswered questions. These common concerns help clarify what it means, why it happens, and what options couples have moving forward.

• What is considered a sexless marriage?

A sexless marriage is commonly defined as a relationship where partners have little to no sexual intimacy—often fewer than 10 times a year. However, it’s not just about frequency; it’s about whether both partners feel emotionally and physically fulfilled. A marriage may feel sexless even with occasional intimacy if connection or desire feels absent.

• Can a marriage survive without sex?

Yes, a marriage can survive without sex if both partners genuinely feel satisfied and emotionally connected. For some couples, intimacy takes non-physical forms like affection, companionship, or shared values. Problems usually arise when one partner feels unfulfilled or disconnected, making honest communication essential.

• What are the main causes of a sexless marriage?

Sexless marriages often result from stress, health issues, mental health concerns, hormonal changes, poor communication, unresolved conflicts, or mismatched sex drives. Life transitions like childbirth, menopause, or demanding work schedules can also reduce intimacy. In most cases, it’s a combination of emotional, physical, and relational factors—not a lack of love.

• Can a sexless marriage be fixed?

Many sexless marriages can be improved with open communication, patience, and mutual effort. Addressing underlying causes—such as stress, health concerns, or emotional distance—and seeking professional support like couples or sex therapy can help rebuild intimacy. Progress often starts with small steps toward emotional closeness rather than immediate physical change.

Finding your way back

Every couple faces seasons when intimacy feels harder to hold onto… and that can feel scary, frustrating, or even lonely. The reasons are many—stress, health, life changes—but the hope is still real. What matters most is patience, honesty, and the willingness to walk through it together.

Learning how to cope in a sexless marriage isn’t about quick fixes; it’s about rebuilding closeness in ways that feel safe and genuine for both partners. With small steps, open hearts, and care for each other’s needs, intimacy can return in its own time, stronger and more meaningful than before.

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Virginia M Duke

Virginia M. Duke has 7+ years of experience in a marriage counselling and post-divorce traumas therapy. She is also a content creator for various online platforms, such as Parenting.com, MetroFamily, AllAboutFamily and many others and provides counselling for couples who are passing through a divorce... Read more with onlinedivorcer.co.uk. In her articles she discloses practical advice on matters related towards marriage life tips and efficient parenting ideas Read less

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