Women crave emotional connections. This is an ingrained personality trait that allows you to form a deep attachment to your husband, to want to have sex with him, and to continue to grow in love. Therefore, it’s especially harmful to your emotional health and the health of your marriage when you no longer feel an emotional connection with your husband.
This can especially sting if you used to have a healthy emotional connect at the beginning of your relationships. Perhaps he was once attentive and insightful. Perhaps you used to spend hours in deep conversation together. Now he can’t be bothered to return a text message or share his thoughts. The loss of this can be extremely damaging to your marriage.
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Signs that you are growing emotionally distant
Here are some common signs that you are growing emotionally distant from your husband.
- You stop coming to him for advice: One sign that you are no longer emotionally connected is that you stop coming to your husband for advice or his thoughts on what is going on in your life. This is because you either feel like he will not care about your problems, you no longer respect his opinions, or you are not emotionally secure enough with him to share your problems.
- You stop sharing your life: Similar to the above, instead of not sharing problems you find that you are no longer sharing anything with your husband. Your conversations consist of simple pleasantries before you settle in for a night of TV. You no longer share the details of your work, your family, your friends, or your children. You do not feel he deserves to know what’s going on in your life.
- You stop having sex: A big red flag that you have no emotional connection with your husband is that you no longer want to be intimate with him. Without an emotional connection, you simply can’t fathom sharing that much of yourself with him. You may even be using the gatekeeper method of withholding sex as a form of punishment.
- You are purposely critical: Because you are feeling emotionally disconnected and hurt, you look for ways to hurt him. You see his unwashed coffee cup in the sink and call him lazy or see a DIY project undone and claim he doesn’t care about your home. You may find the smallest thing to criticize. This is dangerous behavior. Even though you are frustrated, know that if the majority of your conversations are criticisms your husband is most likely going to withdraw even further from you.
Side effects when you feel no emotional connection with your husband
Feeling no emotional connection with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with is more than just a little problem. If you have been trying to connect with your husband and find that he keeps turning you away it can feel hopeless. This is a frustrating and demoralizing experience that can lead to serious emotional side effects if not dealt with.
- Loneliness and depression: You and your husband have made vows of forever and ever and yet you feel like you are taking on your days alone. Loneliness is disheartening
- Self-doubt: There is little in life that is more paralyzing than self-doubt. When you can’t emotionally connect with your husband you may find you start doubting yourself. Are you not a good enough wife? Does your husband not like you enough to share his emotional side? Is he not connecting emotionally with you because he is already doing so with somebody else? These questions can lead to jealousy, paranoia, and low self-esteem.
- You grow distant: Feeling no emotional connection with your husband can create a detrimental snowball effect to your marriage. The more you try to get him to connect and feel nothing in return, the more distant you will grow from one another. After feeling “turned down” from emotionally intimate conversations for long enough, you will simply stop trying to share yourself with your husband both sexually and mentally.
- Infidelity: Feeling emotionally neglected to a woman feels much like being sexually neglected to a man. It makes you believe that your mate no longer cares about you or fulfilling your needs. Loneliness and neglect can sharply turn into anger and resentment toward your mate. Coupled with insecurity, these emotions can leave you ripe for an affair.
What to do when you feel no emotional connection with your husband
The longer you let an unspoken problem fester the more hurt you will feel. It is never a good idea to sit on a problem in your marriage, as the issue isn’t going to fix itself. Here is what you can do to take control of the situation.
- Communicate: Let your husband know, gently, how you are feeling. Tell him you don’t feel as close to him as you once were. Ask if there is anything you can do to help you bond together again. This may open up the conversation and allow both partners to share their issues.
- Don’t play the blame game: When you bring up your lack of emotional connection to your husband it’s important not to play the blame game. Do not tell him that it is his fault that you feel disconnected. This will get him defensive and does not open up healthy communication. Instead, express your desire to be as connected to him as you once were.
- Schedule date nights: Date nights are essential for a happy marriage, especially for those who have children. Even though you are now parents, it’s important not to forget that you are still mates who have fun together. Scheduling a date night once a week and religiously following it will create a deeper emotional connection for both parties. Take up a hobby together, go out for dinner and a movie, jog together, or simply go out for drinks. Whatever you do, make sure it is something that you both enjoy where you will be able to talk and share with one another as you used to do when you were in the dating phase of your relationship.
- Have sex: This may be difficult to do, especially if you feel no emotional connection, but having sex is going to be beneficial to both of you. Sex that results in orgasm is one of the biggest doses of oxytocin, or “the love drug” you will ever get.
For women, this hormone is released post-orgasm and creates an intimate bond of trust by stimulating certain brain sensory.
Oxytocin also stimulates bonding and empathy. For men, sex with a partner stimulates the reward center of their brain and releases a rush of dopamine through the body. Overall, sex is a bonding agent that is healthy for your relationship.
Remember that in order to revitalize the emotional connection in your marriage both parties have to be willing to work hard at spending time together in an honest and open field.