Women crave emotional connections. This is an ingrained personality trait that allows you to form a deep attachment to your husband, to want to have sex with him, and to continue to grow in love. Therefore, it’s especially harmful to your emotional health and the health of your marriage when you feel no emotional connection with your husband. A situation where you are not emotionally attracted to husband could severely hamper your marital happiness.
This can especially sting if you used to have a healthy emotional connect at the beginning of your relationships. Perhaps he was once attentive and insightful. Perhaps you used to spend hours in deep conversation together. Now he can’t be bothered to return a text message or share his thoughts. The loss of this can be extremely damaging to your marriage. These are nothing but signs of emotional detachment in marriage.
Take Quiz: How Healthy Is My Marriage?
The longer this lack of connection lingers, the more you feel like you’re living as roommates, instead of lovers. This does not make a happy marriage. Lack of emotional connection in relationship, lack of emotional intimacy, and no emotional support from husband saps out all the intimacy, trust, happiness and comfort out of your equation with your spouse.
“I don’t feel connected to my husband anymore” – if you feel tormented with this nagging, paralyzing feeling, more often than not, it is time to take note of signs that suggest you are drifting apart.
Feeling no emotional connection with your husband is a dire state that needs immediate attention and corrective steps.
Signs that you are growing emotionally distant
Here are some common signs showing a lack of emotional intimacy in marriage and you are growing emotionally distant from your husband.
- You stop coming to him for advice: One sign that you feel no emotional connection is that you stop coming to your husband for advice or his thoughts on what is going on in your life. This is because you either feel like he will not care about your problems, you no longer respect his opinions, or you think, “I feel neglected by my husband”, and are not emotionally secure enough with him to share your problems. Lack of emotional support from husband could be a major blow to your sense of self-worth and could make you feel withdrawn and less inclined to seek his inputs.
- You stop sharing your life: Similar to the above, instead of not sharing problems you find that you are no longer sharing anything with your husband. Lack of intimacy from husband, experiencing emotional disconnection in marriage, and feeling neglected by husband are responsible for your inability to share lives together, Your conversations consist of simple pleasantries before you settle in for a night of TV. You no longer share the details of your work, your family, your friends, or your children. You do not feel he deserves to know what’s going on in your life. When there is no emotional connection in a relationship, no intimacy in marriage from husband, there is nothing that you or your partner find worthwhile, sharing with each other. There is a deep abyss between you and your spouse.
- You stop having sex: A big red flag that you have no emotional connection with your husband is that you no longer want to be intimate with him. Without an emotional connection, you simply can’t fathom sharing that much of yourself with him. Neglected by an emotionally detached husband, you may even start using the gatekeeper method of withholding sex as a form of punishment. You start feeling distant in a relationship and experience no emotional connection with him.
- You are purposely critical: Because you are feeling emotionally disconnected and hurt, you look for ways to hurt him. You start feeling disconnected from husband, and growing emotional detachment in marriage. So, you find ways to take it out on him. You see his unwashed coffee cup in the sink and call him lazy or see a DIY project undone and claim he doesn’t care about your home. You may find the smallest thing to criticize. This is dangerous behavior. Even though you are frustrated, know that if the majority of your conversations are criticisms, your husband is most likely going to withdraw even further from you. Feeling no emotional connection with your husband can often push you to the brink of being overly critical.
Side effects when you feel no emotional connection
Feeling no emotional connection with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with is more than just a little problem. These are harmful signs of emotional neglect in marriage. If you have been trying to connect with your husband and find that he keeps turning you away, it can feel hopeless. This is a frustrating and demoralizing experience that can lead to serious emotional side effects if not dealt with.
- Loneliness and depression: You and your husband have made vows of forever and ever and yet you feel like you are taking on your days alone. Loneliness is disheartening. The situation is further aggravated when you are feeling no emotional connection with your husband. You keep thinking, “I don’t feel loved by my husband”. Loneliness and disenchantment become your constant companions.
- Self-doubt: There is little in life that is more paralyzing than self-doubt. When you can’t emotionally connect with your husband you may find you start doubting yourself. Are you not a good enough wife? Does your husband not like you enough to share his emotional side? Is he not connecting emotionally with you because he is already doing so with somebody else? These questions can lead to jealousy, paranoia, and low self-esteem. But, the best way to save yourself from self-doubt is by identifying signs of emotional neglect in marriage and learn how to fix emotional detachment.
- You grow distant: Feeling no emotional connection with your husband can create a detrimental snowball effect on your marriage. The more you try to get him to connect and feel nothing in return, the more distant you will grow from one another. After feeling “turned down” from emotionally intimate conversations for long enough, you will simply stop trying to share yourself with your husband both sexually and mentally. Afterall, it is not easy to survive emotional neglect marriage.
- Infidelity: Feeling emotionally neglected to a woman feels much like being sexually neglected to a man. It makes you believe that your mate no longer cares about you or fulfilling your needs. Loneliness and neglect can sharply turn into anger and resentment toward your mate. Coupled with insecurity, these emotions can leave you ripe for an affair. This will be because you were already feeling distant in a relationship.
What to do when you feel no emotional connection
The longer you let an unspoken problem fester you, the more hurt you will feel.
It is never a good idea to sit on a problem in your marriage, as marriage without emotional intimacy isn’t going to fix itself. You need to learn how to connect with your partner again.
Here is what you can do to take control of the situation.
- Communicate: Let your husband know, gently, how you are feeling. Tell him you don’t feel as close to him as you once were. Ask if there is anything you can do to help you bond together again. This may open up the conversation and allow both partners to share their issues.
- Don’t play the blame game: When you bring up your lack of emotional connection to your husband, it’s important not to play the blame game. Do not tell him that it is his fault that you feel disconnected. This will get him defensive and does not open up healthy communication. Instead, express your desire to be as connected to him as you once were.
- Schedule date nights: Date nights are essential for a happy marriage, especially for those who have children. Even though you are now parents, it’s important not to forget that you are still mates who have fun together. Scheduling a date night once a week and religiously following it will create a deeper emotional connection for both parties. Take up a hobby together, go out for dinner and a movie, jog together, or simply go out for drinks. Whatever you do, make sure it is something that you both enjoy where you will be able to talk and share with one another as you used to do when you were in the dating phase of your relationship.
- Have sex: This may be difficult to do, especially if you feel no emotional connection, but having sex is going to be beneficial to both of you. Sex that results in orgasm is one of the biggest doses of oxytocin, or “the love drug” you will ever get.
For women, this hormone is released post-orgasm and creates an intimate bond of trust by stimulating certain brain sensory. Also, remember signs of emotional connection you felt once from him, start working on things that used to make him smile, and see the difference soon!
Oxytocin also stimulates bonding and empathy. For men, sex with a partner stimulates the reward center of their brain and releases a rush of dopamine through the body. Overall, sex is a bonding agent that is healthy for your relationship.
Remember that in order to revitalize the emotional connection in your marriage, both parties have to be willing to work hard at spending time together in an honest and open field. Afterall, nobody can survive if there is no emotional connection in marriage between partners.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.