Talking about sex can be nerve-wracking. And worrying about how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy can be even more challenging. Society’s tabooing of sex can make people feel uncomfortable talking about it or think that sex isn’t significant enough to discuss.
However, a sexual relationship in a marriage is just as meaningful as an emotional one. But since sex is such a private and sensitive topic, it can be hard to find ways to talk about it in a way that reflects your respect and concern.
Here are a few ways to do when the intimacy is gone, how to talk to wife about sexless marriage and having a healthy discussion about it—read on!
What to do when your partner does not want to be intimate
The first step to addressing this is acknowledging that there is a problem- your wife has intimacy issues. Now that you’ve understood the issue, it’s time to consider bringing up the lack of intimacy.
Your wife might not be into sex because she’s busy, she’s religious (what does the Bible say about lack of intimacy?), or she might not be in the mood for it. Maybe the lack of intimacy is not just physical— if you don’t feel emotionally connected to your wife, that needs to be addressed first.
Whatever the reason might be, making sure your wife talks about sex openly with you is important. Below there are 10 ways of talking to your wife about intimacy. This should help you get started!
1. Come from a place of vulnerability
The best answer for how to be intimate with your wife is to be vulnerable. Connecting with your wife emotionally is important, and being vulnerable can help you be emotionally intimate with your wife. An intimate talk is the first step toward physical intimacy.
Being empathetic is how to talk your wife into sex or help deal with her problems. But making your relationship a safe space should be the primary goal. An excellent way to be vulnerable is to talk about your feelings and admit your shortcomings. Intimacy will develop naturally.
2. Ask lots of questions
The stigma around sex could be the source of your wife’s intimacy issues. If you’re wondering how to bring up lack of intimacy, start by asking her about herself.
Learning how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy is a lot of work, but showing your wife that you’re interested in learning about her is important.
How to talk to your wife about sexless marriage is first to make her feel comfortable around you. If she feels anxious or uneasy, she might not want to be intimate with you. Research shows that one reason for lack of sex could be recent or frequent marital conflicts that might make her uneasy.
Find a neutral setting, like a cafe or a place she likes. Being in a comfortable space can help her open up even more. Emotional intimacy is important for a stable, loving relationship.
4. Set a time aside for your conversation
Daily life can be busy, and finding time to have intimate talks can be difficult. Set aside some time to help your wife talk about sex without being pressured. Making time is precisely how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy and get good results in the process.
Sometimes, all you need is some low-pressure time together to bond emotionally. You can pick a movie to watch together or go on a date night to her favorite restaurant. Time together can help you talk about issues more efficiently.
Therapists say that different programs like ‘emotionally focused therapy can help improve communication and make talking to your wife about intimacy much easier. This is because emotional intimacy is the gateway to a happy marriage.
Emotional intimacy is often ignored in a relationship. Going to therapy can help you reconnect with one another and give you a safe space to be intimate. Talking about yourself and your feelings and being more emotionally intimate can lead to a happier marriage.
6. Be respectful and mindful
Sex is a delicate topic. Your wife might not be into it for religious beliefs. If that’s the case, then help her talk through it respectfully from the religion’s perspective.
For example, talk about what the Bible says about lack of intimacy? Does her belief system restrict her in what she can and cannot do sexually? Being mindful of your wife’s belief system is key.
In the video below, a Christian sex therapist talks about ways to fix a sexless marriage:
7. Be direct about what’s bothering you
Your wife’s intimacy issues may be non-existent—you could unknowingly be the problem. When you’re wondering what to do when the intimacy is gone, be direct and tell what’s bothering you. She might be worrying about it too!
Miscommunications are a product of a lack of emotional intimacy. Being direct can sound like an easy thing to do, but it can be challenging if you’re not emotionally connected.
Take small steps towards building an emotional relationship first, like talking about each other’s childhoods or workplace stressors. Tackling periods of life like this directly can help you address the present situation.
8. Give her space and time to think and talk about herself
If you’re still not sure how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy, and nothing you’ve tried has worked, maybe she needs space. Your wife might be feeling suffocated in the relationship, and sometimes helping your wife talk about sex is to let her be. This can also help her recuperate emotionally. Encourage her to take a day off work or have a relaxing spa day.
This can make talking to your wife about intimacy fun—play a small game where you both come up with an expectation for sex and then something you never want to do. This is how to talk your wife into sex and help her be comfortable with it.
10. Pay attention to external circumstances
Before you plan how to bring up lack of intimacy, make a list of all the things your wife is preoccupied with. Maybe your children are pushing her to the limit, or she has a lot of work.
You can try to ease her burden and then have an intimate talk about your marriage. If your wife is constantly drained emotionally and has no time to be intimate with you about her feelings, then sex is something she hasn’t even thought about yet.
So easing her burden can do wonders for the psychological intimacy of your relationship.
Figuring out how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy can be challenging. There might be a lot of variables involved, and you might not be sure how to talk to your wife about sexless marriage.
However, once you have the hang of how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy, things get a lot easier. You can now start thinking of ways to increase intimacy.
To increase intimacy, it’s best to start thinking about growing closer together emotionally and physically. Physically or emotionally distant relationships lead to issues, and you might have to get better at talking to your wife about intimacy.
If you think you’re ready to start increasing physical intimacy, this article talks about four best practices to achieve a happy intimate marriage.
Setting time aside and having an open discussion can do wonders. Once your wife feels relaxed and comfortable, intimacy is not far behind. Emotional relationships are important for a physical relationship, so taking care of your and your partner’s mental health is the priority.
Now that you’ve gotten tips on how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy and some next steps you could take, it’s time to put them into action! And remember, communication and mutual respect are key.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.