Most relationships involve conflict from time-to-time, but perhaps the biggest blow to a relationship is cheating and what makes it even worse is being lied to by someone you love.
Unfortunately, when someone is cheating, it is not likely that they will be honest about this behavior.
If you suspect that your partner is engaging in lying behavior, there are ways how to tell if someone is lying about cheating.
1. Changes in behavior
One way how to tell if someone is lying about cheating is to look for changes in behavior.
If your partner suddenly begins changing their habits but denies when confronted, there is a chance this is lying behavior.
For instance, your partner may begin eating new foods or start going to a new gym. This could indicate that your partner is picking up on another mate’s preferences or attempting to impress someone new.
2. A busier schedule
Similar to changes in behavior, a schedule that seems busier could be a way of how to tell someone is lying about cheating.
If your partner used to get home from work at 5:30 pm but now is regularly coming home at 7:00 pm with no reasonable explanation, this might be lying behavior.
Someone who lies about cheating may suddenly claim to have more meetings or evening events at work, without any evidence to support this.
One or two occasional late nights at work might not be a sign of lying behavior, but if your partner is frequently getting home later and later, this could be one of the signs of deception.
3. Lack of communication
A healthy relationship requires regular, open communication between partners. If your partner has suddenly stopped communicating with you, this can be a sign of lying behavior.
Your partner may begin to make plans without informing you, or they may be spending significant amounts of time away from home without checking in with you.
Your partner may even begin making important decisions without communicating with you.
A study conducted by the University of Michigan high-stakes court cases to understand how people behave when lying versus when they’re truthful found that those who lie are more likely to gesture with both of their hands than those who are telling the truth
If your partner’s speech, when asked about cheating, seems forced or rehearsed or appears to require significant effort, it could be that they are engaging in lying behavior.
5. Look for signs of increased thinking
Beyond the fact that conversation may not appear effortless when a person is lying, a person who is lying in marriage will also appear to be “thinking harder.”
According to the authors of a report in Trends in Cognitive Sciences, lying is a mentally taxing task.
This means that if a person is lying when questioned about deceptive behavior, they may become more still or appear to be concentrating while concocting a story.
Moreover, liars are more anxious/nervous than truth-tellers. Findings from a study reported that gaze aversion, nervousness, movements, and sweating were cues to deception.
Also, during a lie, a person might have difficulty with other tasks that require mental effort. This is yet another method of how to tell if someone is lying about cheating.
Also watch: The language of lying
6. Deflecting and projecting
Finally, deflecting and projecting are lying behaviors that a person may demonstrate if being deceptive about cheating.
If you confront your partner about cheating and they changes the subject, your partner may be attempting to divert attention elsewhere to avoid coming clean.
Also, your partner may instead turn the tables and accuse you of cheating, which is a tactic called projection.
In this case, your partner is unable to admit to cheating and instead accuses you of doing the very thing they are uncomfortable taking responsibility for.
This is a final way of how to tell if someone is lying about cheating.
There are several signs that a person is engaging in lying in a relationship, and even if they are, this can be difficult for them to admit.
Owning up to infidelity can cause shame and regret on the part of the guilty party and understandably lead to trust issues and hurt feelings for the victim.
Suppose you have disagreements with your partner over suspected cheating or have learned of an affair and cannot function healthily in your relationship.
In that case, it is likely time to reach out to a therapist for assistance or complete an online marriage counseling program for dealing with lying in a relationship.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Milica Markovic has graduated from the Faculty of Philosophy with a degree in Clinical Psychology. She has 7 years (and counting) of Psychotherapy and Coaching education (both Transactional Analysis and Psychology of Personal Constructs) and experience in working with clients. Throughout her career, she has had remote clients around the world facing various personal, academic, or professional challenges.
She finds her primary duty is to establish a trusting environment in which clients can feel safe enough to discuss anything that might be troubling them and grow closer to their goals. She believes that whether you are experiencing a personal, relationship related, or professional challenge, the journey to surpassing it can be made easier with the right help by your side.
Milica is also a strong advocate of lifelong learning and continuous improvement.