Sex is an important part of any marriage. It raises your emotional connection to your spouse, builds trust, and contributes to overall relationship satisfaction. Plus, it’s fun and it feels great.
It’s no surprise, then, how no sex drive in your marriage can contribute to an unhappy union.
It’s normal for your sex drive to have peaks and valleys throughout your marriage, but how do you know when an intimate lull has turned into a real problem?
Here are 8 common reasons why you have no sex drive and what you can do about it:
1. Low testosterone
Having low levels of testosterone can contribute to sexual issues. A low libido, erectile dysfunction, inability to orgasm and more. You may think that low testosterone levels only affect male sex drives, but this isn’t so. Women’s bodies also produce testosterone, which is the hormone responsible for their sexual desire as well. A lack of testosterone in both men and women can cause their libidos to lag.
2. Negative sexual presentation
Sometimes it isn’t your body, but your past sexual experience, that is hindering your sexual desires. Those who have been through sexual abuse or who have seen disturbing representations of sexual intercourse through films, media, and pornography may feel disinterested in sex.
Certain medications may contribute to having no sex drive. Estrogen found in the Birth Control Pill may hinder testosterone’s effect in women and lower their libidos. Other medications, such as those taken for clinical depression, can also have a negative effect on your sex drive.
4. Chronic illness
Having a chronic illness may leave you feeling constantly fatigued. Exhaustions can contribute to having no sex drive. Or, it may be that you have sexual desires but feel too mentally and physically spent to follow through on it.
5. Changes in hormones
Menopause can play with your hormones, lowering testosterone and dropping estrogen levels. This can make the vagina feel dry and make sex feel uncomfortable or painful. Women tend to produce less testosterone after menopause, which is why postmenopausal women experience such a noticeable drop in their sexual appetite. Pregnancy and breastfeeding can also hamper sexual desires for a time.
6. Poor body image
Being self-conscious and lacking confidence in your body may contribute to your lack of sex drive. People who have low self-esteem or who have experienced a severe change in body weight or image may not be inclined to have sex or be intimate with their partners. These body image issues can dampen sexual desires.
7. Depression and Mental health
Those who are suffering from depression or other mental health problems or those who have a history of sexual or physical abuse may experience a low sex drive as a result. Your sex drive can also be negatively affected by immense amounts of stress or anxiety.
Some studies theorize that being dependent on alcohol can cause erectile dysfunction and no sex drive in men. As alcohol makes its way to the bloodstream, the brain’s ability to register sexual stimulation becomes weakened. If you imbibe too often or are dependent on alcohol, this could be a reason for your low libido or struggling sexual performance.
What to do when you have No Sex Drive?
Now that you know the leading causes of low libido, it’s time to do something about it. If you are suffering from having no sex drive, don’t leave your partner, or your doctor, in the dark!
Here are five things you can do when there is no sex drive in your marriage :
You can’t fix something if you aren’t open and honest about what the problem is. One of the first things you need to do with your spouse if you have no sex drive is talking to them about it. It may be uncomfortable, but if you do not address the issue you are leaving your partner to wonder if you are no longer attracted to them or if you’re having an affair. Resentment can build when your partner is left in the dark about your diminishing sex life.
The thought of talking to a sex therapist or a marriage counselor about your low libido may sound like an absolute nightmare, especially if you are a private person by nature. But, many couples have benefited from seeking counseling regarding their sex life. A counselor may be able to identify the problem behind sexual dysfunctions or low libidos, especially if the problem is emotional in nature.
Bridge emotional distance
One of the problems that contribute to having no sex drive with your spouse is feeling emotionally distant. Help remedy this problem and strengthen your marriage at the same time by making an effort to bridge any emotional distance that has occurred in your relationship.
Seek counseling and start having a regular date night each week. This will help you reconnect as friends and romantic partners and build sexual tension.
Spice things up
Some people just get bored with their sexual routines. Endeavor to spice things up and try new things together. Couples who create new experiences, both inside and outside the bedroom, deepen their connection and feel more adventurous in other aspects of their lives. Make dirty talk, toys, or roleplay a new and exciting part of your sexual routine.
See your doctor
For many, having a low libido may not be the norm. Consult your doctor to determine what factors might be affecting your sex life. Your doctor will be able to do tests to see whether any medications, emotional issues, or lack of testosterone may be contributing to your lack of sexual desire.
Having no sex drive can be dangerous for the happiness of your marriage. Having a low libido can stem from boredom in your sex life, work stress, anxiety, certain medications, and a poor emotional connection to your spouse. If you want to get your sex drive back you and your spouse may want to visit a sex counselor, consult your family doctor, and make an effort to connect both emotionally and physically every day.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.