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Funny Marriage Advice: Finding Humor in Commitment

Funny Marriage Advice

Marriage advice tends to be so serious. Spending and building a life with someone should be taken seriously but like all things in life, there is a lighthearted and very humorous side to marriage. Funny marriage advice is actually more likely to click whether it is funny marriage advice for newlyweds, funny marriage tips, advice geared towards men or advice for brides.

Funny marriage advice for newlyweds

The newlywed stage is one of the best. Newlyweds haven’t had time to grow tired of each other, they still bother to look good for one another and quirks are still, “cute”. All kidding aside, here is some helpful and funny marriage advice for newlyweds:

  1. Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight all night.
  2. This is fantastic advice because it is absurd! It will definitely help put things in perspective when that first post marriage argument occurs. Most disagreements between spouses are about something trivial that was blown out of proportion.
  3. Marriage is an ‘As Is’ deal. Do not try to change your spouse, that’s as good as it gets.
  4. Always remember the three words, “Let’s go out.”
  5. Date night isn’t a thing of the past. Married couples that still date each other stay together. As a plus, these words may stop an argument or hide the fact that you forgot to make dinner like you promised.
  6. Leave the toilet seat down. Enough said.
  7. Women, don’t make a fuss if he does not cry. He just finds it hard to show that emotion.
  8. Don’t think he’s gross if he farts; it’s just going to happen a lot and you have to live with it. And don’t think she’s pathetic just because she obsesses about her skin or nail paint colors. That’s just how men and women are.

Humorous marriage advice for brides

Funny marriage advice for the bride is always a huge help. The ones below are sure to give you a good laugh:

  1. Beauty fades and so will his eyesight. There’s no sense worrying.
  2. Women want to look good for their spouses. Ideally, you want to look the same as you did on your wedding day. Thanks to his fading eyesight, you will! Whew. What a relief.
  3. Marriage is all about give and take. You give him something to eat and you take some time to yourself.
  4. Put the toilet seat up every once in awhile. He may think that you are considering his needs but throwing some confusion into his normal pattern may reverse the bad habit.
  5. Make him something to eat. That will keep him quiet for a while.
  6. Keep your man comfortable and well-fed. Remember, a happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.
  7. You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves – ~ Toni Sciarra Poynter
  8. When you dress up, dress up for yourself but dress up for your husband too. And put on lipstick.
  9. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”- Ann Bancroft
  10. Finally, before you marry him, listen to him chew. If you can stand that noise for the rest of your life, then go ahead with the wedding.

Humorous marriage advice for grooms

All men appreciate a little humor and when it comes to marriage, the lighthearted the better. A few pieces of funny marriage advice for men include:

  1. When you have a project to get done, get your wife to do it for you. She does not have time to complain about you not spending time with her and better yet, she feels included. It’s a win-win! Of course, you shouldn’t really pass your work on to your wife but the thing to take away from this is inclusion.
  2. Secondly, the two best phrases to include in your vocabulary are, “I understand” and “You’re right”.
  3. Lastly, never lie about anything big but always lie about time. You want a 45 minute to an hour safety window if the two of you are going out. This will avoid making her feel rushed, ensures that your wife looks amazing and gives you time to relax.
  4. Talk to her and share your thoughts. Be best friends. She wants to hear your heart.
  5. She needs you to cheer her on. Let her know you believe she can take on the world.
  6. Say yes far more often than you say no.
  7. “If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.”- Sigmund Freud
  8. “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates
  9. Let her cry sometimes. She needs to.
  10. Find ways to say “I love you” that don’t involve sex.
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