When there is passion in a marriage, there will be arguments. The degree depends on the couple. It could mean daily bickering or furious battles, especially if there are looming issues affecting the household.
Common fights in a marriage are often stress-related over challenges faced when there are tough times with finances, the kids, extended family, etc. It’s difficult to remember that both people are going through the same problems.
In these moments, mates should come together and not turn on each other. But the tension can sometimes become overwhelming, resulting in blame and ugliness.
The number of times there are heated discussions doesn’t define your partnership. What establishes the health of your union is if you fight fair, respectfully, and the way you decide to work out the problem.
Fights between couples are expected in a healthy marriage. It’s part of the process of learning about your partner and growing closer. Individuals who squash feelings and inhibit their thoughts or response are doing themselves and the relationship a great disservice.
The primary consideration is what are the reasons behind the argument between couples. If it’s something severe or continues with no resolution in sight, it might require a closer look to determine if it’s genuinely worth continuing down the path.
What are the most common arguments between married couples, and how can they resolve them
Common arguments between couples can border on mere bickering or relate to more severe life issues that need looking at closely, especially if they crop up a lot. Some of the most common arguments to be concerned about, if they’re frequent, include jealousy, fidelity, finances, couplehood, and issues of this nature.
Couples repeatedly fighting over any of these problems have to consider if things are genuinely working. You may ask, is it normal to have fights in a relationship? The answer is absolutely; it’s natural.
But the defining factor is the topic, how you approach it, or how you fight with each other, whether respectfully or pointing fingers and nasty. Plus, how frequently does it come up, especially if each of you believed there was a good end to the contention.
These variables make a significant difference in a union moving forward healthily or heading in an unsuccessful direction.
Let’s look at each of the reasons why couples fight and see how some resolve these issues.
One of the things couples fight about is one, or both, lying. There’s a difference between a little white lie to spare feelings and significant dishonesty that can affect the household, for instance, claiming to work late only out spending haphazardly, which can affect the home’s finances.
Continued dishonesty at this level implies a self-serving and disrespectful attitude towards the partnership. Couples that argue a lot about one person lying to this degree can only make it work if the mate sees the error of their ways and decides to change.
A conversation can likely help to satisfy the situation, especially if your mate has never cheated.
On the other hand, if there is extreme jealousy in the partnership, that’s unhealthy and can become a toxic situation where one person is attempting to control the other due to the lack of self-confidence. This kind of relationship needs to come to an end.
Sometimes common fights in a marriage develop because one person is not giving their time to the partnership. Instead, the person is either devoted to working or has other interests, hobbies,/friends, monopolizing them.
When this becomes why couples fight so often, it can be damaging to the relationship to the point you might not see a point to move forward with your mate.
That can be particularly true if they have no desire to make any concessions in their schedule. If you’re not seeing them now, living without them would be relatively easy.
4. Chores are a problem
Often, what couples argue about might seem relatively harmless, like who will do the laundry or take care of the pile of dishes, but it can do more damage to a marriage than many might think.
Communication is key in a situation where one person is taking all the responsibility. Work out a compromise with your discussion. If one person will do all the dishes, then the next mate needs to do the cooking.
Someone who washes all the laundry passes on the folding and putting away to the other person. This kind of shared approach will make the household a team effort. Find ways to stop the arguments with this guide.
Does every couple fight about extended family? It’s unusual to find a partnership where there’s not some sort of contention somewhere in the line, even if it’s a favorite aunt that gets on your mate’s last nerve.
That doesn’t mean that your partner needs to be subject to what might be poor behavior on this person or people.
That can, unfortunately, mean breaking up the holidays for your family. But you can determine the day you see them so everyone can get together. No one says it has to fall on the exact date of the holiday.
Unfortunately, one of the common fights in marriage falls around lifestyle. Things like one person being a homebody and the other a social butterfly ultimately become significant. While dating, these issues should be considered, but people genuinely believe they can work past differences in those stages.
As time passes and your mate is still ready to go each evening after 7:00 p.m., and you’ve settled in for the night, that can create a problem in the partnership.
It needs to be in a way that the homebody won’t feel as though they’re insufficient for the partier, and the social butterfly doesn’t need to feel guilty for their desire to have fun.
Perhaps the week can be divided into the weekend nights of Friday through Sunday where they go out together and the one night through the week each can have their time with one going out and one staying home and then the other three evenings they stay home together. Easy, peasy, and fair.
Unfortunately, that’s often the case regarding how money is being spent or developing savings, or even earning enough for the family. No one person should have the say of the finances first and foremost.
That’s equivalent to control, and that’s a “no” in an equal partnership. Financially, there should be joint decisions.
Usually, there’s one person better with money than the other so that person can set up a budget plan, and the other person can decide on where the money goes, including a savings option. Take a look at this video to see how some couples solve money issues in their partnership.
8. An emotional disconnection is developing
If you or your mate begin to feel that the spark or the connection is slipping and you begin to bicker constantly, you must sit down and talk out your feelings.
If these emotions are left undiscussed, it can get to the point where one of you begins to look outside of the relationship for fulfillment in the way of an emotional or physical affair.
All marriages go through ups and downs. Being with someone for the long term is not easy. To avoid disconnection, it takes effort to ensure each person’s needs are met, that there is happiness and satisfaction on both sides.
When it does happen, communicate to bring things back to right. It will take time to reestablish, but, again, the effort is either worth it or it’s not.
Generally, one (or both) will reach out to a best friend or family member when there is an argument happening to get their opinion or will even go so far as to poll social media pals to find out their take on the fight.
Inviting “third parties” into the relationship is inappropriate and creates defensiveness in the other person. It also attacks their vulnerability because you betrayed it. Don’t do that. That’s how you resolve this issue.
10. Fighting in the wrong way results in little resolve
When you argue, these should be healthy exchanges meant to teach and grow as a couple. Instead, they can begin as a direct criticism or complaint showing an attack on the other person’s character. That can’t fair well for the health of the partnership.
When you see a towel on the floor or learn of an excessive expense, it needs to be approached constructively without the words “you” or “why” at the beginning of the sentence.
A better beginning includes possibly “could you” or “would you,” allowing them to express their reasoning or maybe do the chore. Respect goes so much further than nastiness. These studies will attempt to show how much fighting is too much in a partnership.
One of the common fights in a marriage is having children and then when to start having them. As marriages evolve and couples grow together, this decision will change time and again. The more you mature, you can decide you want to experience a family together.
Still, some people never budge on their desire to avoid the option, which can cause significant problems in the union.
For sure, this is something that needed discussing before getting married. A child is not something on which you can merely compromise. If both people are not on board, the little one will suffer because one parent will not be involved all the way but will be resentful.
This is not something resolvable. Either you resolve not to have children, or you walk away.
12. Sex incompatibility can be a problem
There will be ebbs and flows with sex for each person. It, too, is among the common fights in a marriage. You’ll find times where one of you has a higher libido than the other.
Both partners need to be in a logical place where each can speak vulnerably, openly, and honestly regarding why specifically sex is not happening, whether there’s a physical or medical issue or perhaps a disinterest, stress, insecurity, or other pertinent reason.
Once the conversation begins, you can then move forward in finding ways to work through the issue healthfully and satisfactorily, so each person feels their needs are met. It might mean greater intimacy regularly and in the bedroom without intercourse for a period.
Couples’ fights are challenging to resolve when one insists that they are always correct regardless of the circumstances. That is obstinate and stubborn, bordering on disrespect, and can prove a hardship for a mate to deal with regularly.
The fights over infidelity can be nasty if you allow them to be. The important thing is to attempt to gain composure before having the initial reaction that will be emotion-filled. That first response can involve many impulsive remarks that you might not mean or want to make.
Take a step back, have the person who strayed leave so each of you can think before you speak, and then set up a time when you can communicate after you feel calm and ready to discuss the issue.
When a partner steps out in a trusting marriage, it can prove devastating and damage the partnership, often to the point of disrepair. The trust that you shared is challenging to repair, but it’s not impossible. It takes considerable effort.
The two of you have much work to do to understand why this happened, what led to it, and determine what changes need to be made in the marriage if the two of you genuinely want to move forward as a couple.
15. There are no fights
For a couple that stops fighting, where silence has replaced bickering and arguing, it could be an indication that there’s no more to say. In this case, one or both of you have become emotionally detached and no longer care. Avoidance is a clear sign that the end is near.
If you don’t want the relationship to be over, search for your passion. The two of you, at one point, must have had lively conversations or debates over topics that you disagreed on and appreciated each other’s opinions (and fire) on those subjects.
It’s essential to remember what you loved about this person, get angry, and fight for it and with them.
Every married couple fights. It genuinely is a normal, natural part of being in a long-term, committed partnership. That’s why you’ll find a list of common fights in a marriage. If you prevent yourself from arguing and communicating, it’s unhealthy and frustrating for the other person.
That relationship will likely not survive because, honestly, when anyone does wrong, that person wants a partner to care enough to react, communicate, and desire to work through it.
When there are significant problems, a mate wants someone passionate enough to stand up w and help fix it – the ride or die, partner. The fights lead to learning, growing, and building a story that generations pass on – you simply have to make it interesting for them.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.