15 Tips on How to Change Your Bad Attitude in a Relationship

You’ve probably heard this famous statement before; Attitude is everything. While you may want to dispute that, there’s no way to dispute that attitude plays a vital role in human relationships.

Whether they are relationships between siblings, family members, platonic friends, or partners in a romantic relationship, attitude plays a major role in the success of such relationships.

If you’re in a relationship and want to enjoy it to the fullest, you must learn how to change your attitude. Thankfully, this article is dedicated to showing you effective ways to change your attitude.

How does a bad attitude affect a relationship?

Before diving straight into the answer to this question, we must take some time to define what “attitude” is.

The Cambridge Dictionary defines attitude as a feeling or opinion about something or someone or a way of behaving that is caused by this.

Simply put, an individual’s attitude completely embodies how they relate to the world around them and their disposition toward people and themselves.

Attitude can be bad or good. Most times, a person’s attitude results from their past experiences and emotional/physical environment.

According to Dr. Kimberly VanBuren, a marriage and family therapist:

A poor attitude in a relationship can tarnish trust, affection, and joyful moments, which can lead to resentment if unchecked.

A lousy attitude affects a relationship in several ways, all of which are negative. When someone in a relationship has an attitude problem, it becomes difficult for their partner to connect with them emotionally and even physically.

This difficulty will lead to a loss of intimacy, and communication will become almost impossible in the relationship. Once effective communication is gone, the relationship might as well be a rollercoaster.

In addition, a negative attitude makes one prickly, on edge, and impossible to approach. Once a partner in a relationship becomes distant (or makes their partner think they’re so because of how they’ve presented themselves in the relationship over time).

Pessimistic and nasty, there’s every possibility that their partner may give up on the relationship.

If you have a bad attitude, you must learn and employ some effective attitude adjustment techniques. They would play a major role in helping you to improve your attitude.

Related Reading: Common Intimacy Issues in Marriage That Cause Discord Between Couples

15 ways to change your bad attitude in a relationship

In this section, we will discuss how to change your attitude in a relationship. So, buckle up.

1. Identify and accept that there’s something that must be fixed 

It wouldn’t be possible to fix anything you haven’t yet identified as a challenge. In the same way, it is impossible to change your attitude to positive if you haven’t first accepted that it is negative.

This step of the recovery process is a bit difficult because it takes sitting down and telling yourself the hard truth.

Accepting that you have an attitude problem feels like ripping a band-aid off a gaping wound. It isn’t always the most pleasant activity you can carry out, but it would pay in the long run.

In addition, spend some time reinforcing your mental shields for this. As indicated early on, the journey to adjusting your attitude will come with its fair share of challenges. Just decide to stick it through.

2. Tell yourself that there’s no excuse for a bad attitude

Many people are comfortable with being bad, nasty people because they have a way of making excuses for their bad attitude – each and every time.

Here’s the thing: If you don’t stop making excuses for your bad attitude, you will not be able to effect any permanent changes.

It will take some time to adjust to this new version of yourself. However, you must also carry out this mental recalibration exercise.

3. Step out of the past

We indicated early on that one of the major determinants of a person’s attitude is their past experiences. Hence, one of the critical steps you must take as you seek ways to change your attitude is to step out of your past.

It would help if you made peace with the fact that you can’t change the things that have happened to you in the past and that there’s no undoing them either.

However, you can get in control of your present and determine that your past will no longer creep in and negatively affect your present and future.

Suggested video: Invisible influence: the hidden forces that shape behavior.

4. Unbox your mental baggage 

Sometimes, you may find yourself lashing out at your partner and being nasty to them at the slightest opportunity. If you take some time to examine this critically, you may discover that what’s happening to you is the result of your internal environment.

What are your thoughts usually like? 

What do you spend most of your time thinking about? 

Do you think about the things that have happened to you and find yourself wary of the people in your life because you fear that those negative experiences will resurface?

If your answer to these questions is yes, you may want to take some time to sort through your thoughts.

To change your negative attitude, you must completely change your thoughts. If your partner has wronged you, commit your focus from the past towards the happiness you want to attain.

5. Talk to your partner

You are about to walk down a long and arduous road. Keeping your partner in the dark may not be the best line of action. If you would like to get maximum cooperation and support from them, you must let them know that you’re learning how to change your attitude in the relationship and apply the strategies you’re learning.

Communication is vital at this stage. You must have a no-holds-barred conversation with your partner about their present and what you would love to achieve at the end of the day.

When you have done this, your journey becomes a lot easier.

Related Reading: The Importance of Communication in Relationships

6. Identify and eliminate triggers 

Are there people, places, or scenarios that trigger negative feelings in you? It could be one friend who makes you feel terrible every time you hang out with them, or it could be a street that reminds you of a terrible experience in your past.

As much as possible, identify and eliminate these triggers from your life. If you are trying to step into your future, you must let go of everything that reminds you of the past you want to let go of.

This may take some time. However, it is always a profitable experience in the long run.

7. Practicing self-care is vital 

Think of yourself as an egg about to hatch at this point—that delicate timeframe between realities (your past and your present). One way to stay positive in your relationship and let go of negativity is by practicing self-care/self-love.

What are those tiny things you love to do? It could be your love for visiting the cinema at intervals or just waking up early in the morning to sit in the quietness of your living room with a cup of your favorite tea in hand.

Even if yours is food or vacations, it is vital that you consciously practice self-care at this point.

8. Learn to make requests in your relationship

There’s a difference between a request and an instruction. In a relationship, this difference becomes more glaring.

If, before this time, you’ve become used to handing out orders and demanding compliance from your partner, you may want to rethink.

No one wants to be bossed around, especially not your partner. Make a habit of using these magic words: ” please” and “thank you.” At first, your ego may take a beating, but this can significantly improve your relationship.

Related Reading: Improve and Enrich Your Relationship

9. Spend more time listening to your partner 

One way a bad attitude expresses itself in a relationship is by always desiring to do all the talking.

If you’ve found yourself doing most of the talking and making one-person decisions (especially important decisions) in your relationship, you may need to rethink.

Little acts of listening to your partner can go a long way toward repairing the damage that may have already been done in your relationship.

When you hang out with them after dinner, try to give them your undivided attention, even if it means putting all gadgets away while at it.

Also, consciously ask them about their opinions on many issues and let them know that they have a say in the relationship. This will help them feel valued and respected.

10. Admit your faults when you’re wrong

If you have been looking for how to change your attitude in a relationship, you must make a mental note to take responsibility when you’re wrong.

Also, develop the strength to admit that you’re wrong when you are. While transferring the blame to anyone may seem like an intelligent decision, it isn’t.

Everyone makes mistakes, but the brave ones accept their mistakes and retrace their steps when they’ve identified their flaws.

11. Consciously practice gratitude every day 

At the start of every new day, ask yourself what you are grateful for (and it doesn’t have to be the seemingly large things in life).

Practicing gratitude reminds you that life is good and that you have many reasons to be thankful that you’re still in that relationship. It helps to shift your focus from the negatives to the positives.

In addition, mindfulness is a practice you must incorporate into your everyday activities. Living in the moment is one way to effectively identify what you should be grateful for every day.

12. Consciously remind yourself that you deserve happiness 

And yes, this is one primary reason you must learn how to change your attitude in a relationship.

To have a happy relationship, you must consistently work on your attitude to see the best of your partner. When all of you consciously make an effort, the relationship becomes a much happier one.

Related Reading: 22 Tips for Happy, Long-Lasting Relationships

13. Maintain healthy hobbies and interests

If there’s something that keeps you excited, something you love doing, you may want to make it a part of you to do it as often as you can (as long as it doesn’t hurt your partner or other people in any way).

Having healthy hobbies and engaging in them is one way to keep yourself happy. Happiness should become your new norm to be at your best and see less of a negative attitude.

When you maintain healthy hobbies and interests, you become an overall happier and easier person to be in a relationship with.

14. Join a support group

Sometimes, it can be difficult to step out of the old person (with a bad attitude) and become this new person. As a result, you may need to surround yourself with people going through the same life phase as you.

One thing a support group does is that it unifies people and, as a result, provides everyone with a safe space from where they can draw strength and motivation when they feel down.

Is there a support group for people who are dealing with attitude challenges in their relationships? You may want to join that group.

Related Reading: 4 Major Marriage Challenges and How to Overcome Them

15. Talk to a professional

Come to think about it, despite how hard you try. There are some things you may not be able to figure out on your own. This makes it necessary for you to leave a space where a professional can fit in.

Whether you’re sorting through your past experiences, dealing with low self-esteem, navigating trauma, or just trying to be a better partner, having a professional on speed dial is necessary.

Conclusion 

If you have been wondering how to change your attitude in a relationship, please pay attention to the 15 steps we shared in the last section.

If you follow through on all of them, you will notice your relationship significantly improving because you will become a much better person.

You deserve a happy relationship.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less