In a relationship, both partners should feel loved, respected, and secure. This holy grail of healthy relationship characteristics is torn apart when there is severe insecurity in the relationship.
Ranging from jealousy to controlling behavior, relationship insecurity can manifest itself in many destructive ways. Your insecurities in marriage may or may not be warranted, but they create unhealthy behaviors regardless of your reasoning.
What’s concerning is that such insecurity can also manifest into health problems later on, as studies have found.
Here are 8 signs of insecurity in a relationship and what you can do about it.
1. Fear of losing your mate
One sign that you are feeling insecure in a relationship is the constant fear of losing your mate. Relationship insecurities make you feel like you aren’t worth someone’s time and so you find yourself obsessing over whether your mate really likes you, really enjoys sex, is actually attracted to you, finds you annoying, or wants to leave you for someone else. This fear seems all the more warranted when you have been through a rough patch with your partner where perhaps they did lose your trust.
In fact, it was found in a study of couples seeking marital therapy that romantic attachment insecurity was a predictor of sexual dissatisfaction.
Without trust, a relationship is doomed. If you are truly concerned that you will not be able to trust your mate, you should not be together. If you are insecure in love is it really worth it? Trust is the foundation for a healthy relationship.
2. Consuming jealousy
There is a certain level of jealousy in a relationship that is considered healthy. After all, you are in a committed relationship and you don’t want someone else breaking what you have built. But, there is a point where this healthy jealousy turns into consuming insecurity. Common signs of jealousy include:
- Spying on your mate
- Constantly questioning your partner’s whereabouts
- Controlling behavior, such as demanding friendships to be ended because they make you uncomfortable
- Getting too close or clingy with your mate
- Spite and pettiness, such as making a new friend or flirting with someone else just to make your mate jealous
Jealousy is extremely difficult to overcome, but not impossibly so. This sneaky emotion seems entirely justified while you are in the moment but is are not worth ruining a great relationship over. Practice learning to let go of certain hang-ups and build trust in a relationship.
3. Demanding access to electronics
One sign that you are insecure in marriage is if you demand access to your spouse’s electronic devices such as phone, tablet, or social media accounts. You may be paranoid, wondering if your mate has naughty apps or is carrying on inappropriate conversations in private messages, but you should not be policing them in the hopes that you’re saving your relationship by doing so.
It seems a little scary at first but acknowledging that you cannot change your partner’s actions by monitoring them like a security guard can give you a sense of peace. In the end, you either trust your mate or you don’t.
Even if you have your partner’s passwords for their e-mail or access to their phone, your insecurities still can’t be silenced. Instead of going straight to your mate’s device, you obsessively check their social media instead. You may even google your spouse’s name or constantly check up on their exes via social media. This can lead to unhealthy arguments and deeper insecurities.
Social media is a notorious relationship killer, so there’s a reason to be doubtful of the ease in which infidelity can happen over networking sites. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reports that one-third of divorce filings contain the word “Facebook”.
According to a survey by Divorce-Online UK, approximately one in three divorces are a result of disagreements related to social media.
That said, being consumed by every new ‘like’ on your mate’s photos or being keenly aware of anyone who is having conversations with them is no way to live.
5. Paranoia and disbelief as to your partner’s whereabouts
The constant questioning of your partner’s whereabouts and intentions can be tiring for both parties and can weaken your relationship. Unfortunately, the hardest possible thing to do when you are insecure is to trust your mate. The next time you get into an argument with your partner about their true whereabouts, try and remind yourself that if your mate has never given you a reason to doubt them, stop doing so. This is one of the signs of an insecure man in love, insecure husbands tend to display this behavior more than wives.
6. The need for constant reassurance
Am I attractive? Do you love me? Do you really want to be with me? Are you being faithful? Why do you like me anyway?
These are all questions that are all spurred on by insecurities. If you are insecure with yourself you may find you are constantly requesting reassurance from your spouse for validation.
Excessive reassurance seeking by a partner can be an indicator of depression caused by attachment anxiety. Have a look at what this study found in this regard.
So some measure of reassurance from your partner is to be expected to make you feel special in your relationship, but it should not consume your conversations. If you feel depressed or need frequent reassurance, you may consider counseling as a fantastic way to get to know yourself better and learn to love who you are.
7. You don’t like to be left alone
If you are insecure in your relationship, being left alone is your worst nightmare. The silence is haunting. You would rather be anywhere but left to think. This fear of being alone can also lead you to stay in an unhealthy relationship that does not deserve your time or attention. Seek counseling or confide in a friend or family member who can give you an outside perspective of why it is better to be on your own and learn to love yourself, rather than stay in a toxic relationship.
8. You avoid confrontation
When you are dealing with insecurity in your relationship you might avoid confrontation like the plague, even when it is warranted. This is because you fear that your mate will leave you at the slightest sign of opposition. If you want to pursue a healthy relationship, it is vital that you practice honest communication. This means getting uncomfortable topics out in the open and sharing your thoughts and feelings with one another.
If you find yourself constantly suspicious of your mate and feel the need to gather information about their whereabouts with questions like “How long were you gone?” and “Who were you with?” it’s a clear signs that you are insecure in your relationship. Work on building trust with your mate and create goals that revolve around getting to know yourself better. Your mate cannot take away your insecurities, only you can.
Overcoming insecurity in relationships is a lonely battle. If you want the answer to, ‘how to overcome insecurity in a relationship’ you have to have control over your own self. But if you think you just don’t know how to stop being insecure in a relationship and how to get over insecurities in a relationship then there is help out there. A therapist can guide you on how to deal with insecurities in a relationship. To understand how to overcome insecurities in a relationship it is important to find out what causes insecurity in a relationship. Only then can you learn how to become secure and fulfilled within a relationship.
If you find yourself asking ‘why am I so insecure in my relationship’ and aren’t able to figure this out on your own you must seek help. Without the knowledge of how to deal with trust issues and insecurities, you would never be able to have a happy and fulfilling relationship. Relationship paranoia can really drive a wedge between a couple, signs of insecurity in a woman or a man must be spotted to salvage the relationship.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.