10 Signs of Struggling in a Relationship and Ways to Fix

Sometimes, we find ourselves wondering if something has shifted, right?

You might be feeling disconnected, like you’re putting in the effort but not getting much back, or maybe things that used to feel easy are now heavy.

Is it just a rough patch, or are you both genuinely struggling in a relationship?

Maybe there are moments when the silence speaks louder than words, and communication feels strained. Or when you’re unsure if you’re still moving in the same direction.

It can be hard to tell if what you’re feeling is a sign of something deeper or if it’s just part of the ups and downs. Either way, knowing what to look for—and how to address it—can bring a sense of clarity when everything feels cloudy.

Is it normal to struggle in a relationship?

No partnership is perfect, and sometimes life throws challenges your way. Maybe communication gets harder, or misunderstandings seem to pop up more often… We all go through phases where things feel off.

It’s part of the journey. The key is recognizing when things feel different, like when those little cracks start showing. When you can’t ignore those feelings anymore, you might realize that relationship challenges​ are just a part of what keeps you growing.

After all, the hardest times can also teach you the most about each other—if you’re both willing to learn and adapt.

So, it’s completely normal to face struggles in a relationship, isn’t it?

Why does one struggle with relationships?

All relationships hit bumps on the road and experience ups and downs. Being in a partnership with someone requires both parties to learn to compromise, have productive arguments, and overcome conflicts. 

Therefore, it is no surprise that, at one point or another, the relationship struggles while improving in those areas.

So, are you asking yourself, why do I struggle with relationships?

The reasons for struggling in a relationship can be many, starting from evolutionary aspects and the high demands of the contemporary mating context, where we each are responsible for finding our own mate. 

Furthermore, communication issues are often to blame for the demise of relationships. When two people stop discussing problems and working on overcoming them as a team, the bonds that once tied them get loosened. 

We could also talk about the lack of commitment as one of the key factors for struggling relationships. 

If we look closely, we can find the reasons one struggles in a relationship. Those might not be obvious initially and will vary from couple to couple. 

It’s often the small things that build up over time and create challenges in a relationship. Some common factors include:

• Lack of or miscommunication
• Mismatch of personal values and goals
• Lack of effort in overcoming problems
• Failure to repair the relationship
• Emotional neglect
• Unresolved past issues
• Inadequate support during difficult times

10 warning signs of struggling in a relationship

Maybe you’ve noticed signs that something isn’t quite right, but the real question is—did you connect them to the relationship itself, or did you dismiss them as stress, timing, or external factors?

In order to repair what’s broken, it’s essential to first recognize when a relationship is truly struggling.

1. Problems are not getting solved

A key sign of struggling in a relationship is when problems keep resurfacing without resolution. The fight might end, but the underlying issue remains unresolved.

In healthy relationships, couples face disagreements, too, but they work through issues, seeking solutions together. When problems linger without progress, it signals a need for attention and action.

2. Decreased intimacy

Every couple experiences dips in emotional and physical closeness, but if this becomes a consistent pattern, it could indicate a deeper struggle in the relationship.

Intimacy isn’t just about physical connection—it’s about emotional sharing, too. When this wanes, it’s important to assess where things stand and what’s behind the change.

3. Emotional support is lacking

Do you hesitate to seek emotional support from your partner because you fear rejection, criticism, or indifference?

If so, you’re likely experiencing signs of a relationship that’s struggling to meet your emotional needs. A lack of support can slowly erode the foundation of trust and closeness.

4. You spend less time together

Do you find that you no longer feel the need to spend time with your partner?

If you prefer the company of friends or solitude over connecting with your partner, it may be a sign that your relationship is struggling. Time together is key to maintaining connection—when that’s lost, it’s a clear red flag.

5. Frequent criticism and defensiveness

When you’re struggling in a relationship, constant criticism and defensiveness often replace constructive conversations.

When partners frequently feel the need to protect themselves rather than engage openly, this creates emotional distance and reduces meaningful connection.

6. Feelings of apathy and indifference

When anger fades and is replaced by apathy, it signals a serious issue in the relationship. This indifference can be an indication that one or both partners have given up on trying to improve things.

This lack of investment can be even more damaging than open conflict.

7. You don’t talk or confide as much

When communication begins to dwindle, and you stop sharing your thoughts and feelings, emotional disengagement follows. Left unaddressed, this distance can lead to a deeper disconnect.

Healthy relationships thrive on open dialogue and emotional transparency—when that’s lost, the relationship’s foundation weakens.

8. You don’t make time for each other

As your relationship loses its priority in your life, you stop making time for each other. You no longer arrange activities to spend quality time together, which further distances you.

A relationship can quickly lose its closeness and stability without this intentional effort.

9. Walking on eggshells

When you feel like you’re constantly trying to avoid conflicts or tiptoe around unresolved issues, it reflects a lack of safety and trust in the relationship.

Walking on eggshells creates an environment of tension where open communication and emotional security are lacking.

10. You don’t need each other anymore

While independence is healthy in a relationship, a certain level of need is essential for emotional intimacy. If you find that you no longer rely on each other or seek each other out, it can lead to disengagement.

Too little reliance on one another often signals a loss of closeness and emotional disconnect.

10 ways to deal when you’re struggling in a relationship

It’s tough, isn’t it?

When things start to feel off in a relationship, it can be hard to know where to begin. But even when things seem distant, there are always ways to rebuild.

With a little patience, effort, and open hearts, it’s possible to reconnect, heal, and grow stronger together. Here are a few ways to cope with relationship struggles and get started!

1. Accept that problems are a part of any relationship

What are your expectations and vision of a relationship you want to be in?

If it is too ideal, reality will keep letting you down. Disagreements, fights, and conflicts are a part of healthy relationships, and everyone needs help with relationships at some point.

This is not to say they should happen all the time; rather, their existence doesn’t mean the relationship is not worthy.

2. Talk about problems in a calm state

When you only touch on core issues when things are heated, you miss out on a chance to hear each other when things are calm. Emotions can cloud judgment, and it’s hard to listen when tempers are flaring.

Make it a point to come back to a conversation when things are more peaceful. This allows for more understanding, less defensiveness, and the opportunity to work through things more effectively.

3. Set aside time to talk about the relationship

A relationship is a work in progress and needs more than merely co-existing amicably. You need to invest time, effort, and energy, even when things are going well, to prevent problems from happening.

Organize weekly or monthly check-ins to evaluate what is going well and improve what isn’t.

4. Make it a point to spend time together regularly

Not spending quality time together can lead to a drop in intimacy.

Furthermore, the quality of a couple’s leisure involvement is much more important compared to the amount of time spent together or the amount and level of leisure involvement itself.

5. Never turn to insults and belittling

Respect is core to a healthy relationship. If you see you are losing control and you may turn to verbal accusations or mocking, leave the conversation and come back.

Words hurt and are hard to forget. It’s important to recognize when things are escalating and give yourself space to cool down before saying something you might regret.

6. Avoid keeping score

The only scoreboard you need in the relationship is the one for board games. If you keep score about who made a mistake or is guilty, you’re missing out on the opportunity to focus on solving the problem.

Relationships aren’t about winning or losing; they’re about growing and moving forward together, hand in hand, without holding past mistakes over each other.

7. Commit to gratitude and daily appreciation

It’s not enough to only have a good mastery of resolving conflicts and know how to deal with relationship problems. Another set of skills you need is appreciation and validation skills.

Feeling cherished is the key to happiness. Provide support and recognition to each other any chance you get. Love is the only thing that multiplies when divided.

8. Learn what makes the other feel loved

We all need different things to feel loved and accepted. If you direct your energy into things that your partner regards as affection, you are going to accomplish more with less effort.

It’s not about grand gestures—it’s about understanding the small things that make your partner feel seen, heard, and valued.

9. Identify the damaging cycle

When we fight, we rarely stop to observe the process itself. We are in it to make a point or resolve the situation and miss seeing the damage due to how we communicate and resolve the issue. 

Identify what triggers the fight to escalate and become unproductive so you can seize control over the damage that happens.

Watch this TEDx Talk by Julie and John Gottman, the world’s leading relationship scientists, to learn how you can manage relationship fights better:

10. Consider counseling

No one knows everything. Therefore, if you feel like you are hitting a wall, turn to a professional. Their job is to help you move past problems that seem insurmountable and assist you in increasing connection and intimacy.

Therapy can provide valuable tools and insights to help you both communicate better and rebuild the relationship from a fresh perspective.

How to be a better partner when you’re struggling in a relationship

When you’re struggling in a relationship, it’s easy to feel lost or unsure of what to do next. But even in tough times, being a better partner is about showing up with patience and understanding.

Have you been listening to your partner lately?

Truly listening without distractions?

Sometimes, it’s the little things—like being present or offering support—that make the biggest difference. It’s not about perfection but about trying to be kind and open, even when it’s hard.

So, take a deep breath; are you still willing to put in the effort?

Offering empathy, being clear in your communication, and making time for connection can help you both move forward together, one step at a time.

Working through your relationship challenges

Every relationship experiences ups and downs, and facing challenges together doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re growing. By recognizing the signs of struggle and taking proactive steps, like communicating openly, showing respect, and offering support, you can rebuild and strengthen your bond.

It’s important to be patient with yourself and your partner, remembering that healing takes time. The key is not to avoid the tough conversations but to approach them with empathy and a willingness to work through issues.

Keep showing up for each other, even when it feels difficult; after all, it’s through these challenges that the deepest connections are formed.

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The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less

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Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

Take the Quiz Now