Maintaining passion, intimacy, affection and “the spark” is undoubtedly a tricky and challenging thing to do. While many people expect that passion dies as you go further in your married life, research and statistics tell us a different story. Research and studies show that married couples actually have a slightly higher amount of sexual activity than unmarried couples.
Romantic passion is the force that keeps you and your partner going. It is a key to a successful and happy married life. Passion is not only limited to sexual and intimate relations between two people. It also includes emotional connections, it can be non-physical and/or non-verbal display of affection and love. Passion also refers to strong feelings of attachment that force you or make you long for the other person.
How is passion important?
Passion and intimacy can only be mere kisses and hugs and cuddles; it is still important for couples to maintain their physical connection. This helps in increasing comfort levels and sense of security.
Small, meaningful gestures are also brief reminders of love, support, and care.
Married couples often find themselves occupied with things such as work and kids, moments of intimacy and sexual activity can be refreshing for them.
Hugging and snuggling have been proved to be great measures of stress reduction. Hugging releases a love hormone called oxytocin. It is also called the cuddle hormone and is released when people snuggle, physically or verbally bond.
Lesser the stress, the happier you will be in general. This will help improve your mental health and your overall relationship health. Being physically close releases the love hormones, while scientists have also said that sexual activity activates the hormones and parts of the brain linked with pleasure and happiness.
What are the possible reasons for passion decreasing in a marriage?
When a couple brings home their newborn, it is not a surprise that their sexual activity significantly declines.
The woman gets mentally and physically exhausted following the birth of her child.
With the whole process of pregnancy, breastfeeding, looking after the child, sleepless nights and watching her body change without any control can be tiresome. Women also experience a period of low sex drive, depression, and anxiety post-pregnancy.
The men also come under the pressure of being a father. They may get overwhelmed by the realization of becoming a dad and having a baby of their own to bring up and a family to look after. They are also expected to handle the unexpected mood swings and tantrums of their wives during the post-pregnancy period.
- Too caught up with other things
50 things run through your mind simultaneously, and sex or intimacy might not strike you as the most important ones.
It is difficult to feel the same way and the same level of passion that you in your initial times.
There are too many things happening at the same time that you just lose focus from sex.
- Marriage is not the culprit
We misunderstand the situation and tend to believe that marriage is the finish line. It is the point where all excitements from life and all freedom end. But are we really sure that it’s marriage that’s responsible and not the changes in our own attitudes, priorities, and behaviors?
We do not remain the same person through a long-term relationship. We tend to be easily pleased and get satisfied easily during the initial stages of our relationship.
This is because we expect less and do not have to evaluate our needs regularly.
When married, our needs change, our responsibilities change, and we need to make sure that our expectations from our spouse remain realistic.
Tips on how to revive the passion
As soon as you realize the importance of passion in your married life, you must not leave any chance that allows you to revive it. Low sex drives, lesser passion, and a decrease in intimacy are nothing that cannot be changed by a few simple steps!
- Become adventurous, add the spark to your lives yourself! Go on a road trip, do something challenging that none of you have done before (skydiving perhaps!). Do something out of your comfort zone while you both are side by side. This will remind you of each other’s importance in your lives!
- After a baby, it is nothing unusual to have lesser intimacy and passion. But you need to remember that this is the most important time for that.
Take out 5-10 minutes of your day and have a meaningful conversation.
Maybe your new parenting roles could become the new basis of your bonding! You both deserve each other’s time just as much as your baby does.
- Do something you used to do before you were married. Visit your first date or favorite dating spots.
- Small actions count. You don’t always have to go big. Small but meaningful gestures can give the best results. Perhaps cook dinner for your partner, or watch a movie together, hold hands and kiss more!
- Emotional connection is very important.
You need to be able to communicate your own, and understand your partner’s needs and expectations, in order to be successful physically.
- Be more vocal about how you feel.
- Varying sexual activity may spark things up!
While you are at improving your marriage and reviving the passion, don’t forget some important things that you could easily overlook-
- Your partner deserves space. Whatever steps you take to help both of your lives, make sure you have their consent.
- Respect and honor your partner’s needs and feelings.
- The quality of your intimacy is more important than its quantity/frequency.
- Do not compare yourself to other couples. Everybody has a different way of leading their lives and dealing with things.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.