Finding the right partner feels like a whole lot of work. There are so many moving parts to a relationship–attractiveness, trust, honesty, communication, intimacy, sex life, etc.–that it may feel like there’s no hope in finding a partner that you can spend your life with.
Well, I’m here to tell you that there is hope. Choosing a wife or a husband isn’t hard because it’s impossible. It’s hard because we go about it the wrong way. We look outward to the world and hope we can find someone to complete us, rather than looking inward at ourselves and making ourselves whole first.
The key to the best relationships is working on the one you have with yourself.
25 ways on how to choose a life partner
So, how to choose a life partner? What do you look for in a relationship? What to look for in a relationship?
It may sound cliche to you, and if it does, let that be a signal that you should lean in and pay attention. There are, in my opinion, 15 things that you need to address before choosing the right partner for marriage–or, let the right relationship find you.
What are the factors that you need to consider in choosing a lifelong partner?
Follow these factors to consider in choosing a lifelong partner, give each one your full attention, and be patient with the process. Your dream relationship is just around the corner.
1. Learn to love yourself
This is probably the hardest step, but if you can get over this hump, you’ll have plenty of momentum to get through the other two.Learning to love yourself is a two-phase process: first, you need to acknowledge your strengths and your weaknesses. Then you need to appreciate and love them for what they are.
For practicing self-love, know that every part of you has value. Relish in what you’re good at, recognize where you can improve. It’s all an amazing melting pot of who you are.
Here’s the key, though: if you can’t learn to recognize your greatness in all that is good and bad about you, no one else will.
Until you appreciate all that you are and own it, there will always be some subconscious doubt that you give off. It’s like a “quality relationship repellant” of sorts. People will feel that self-doubt and not want to partake in that baggage.
DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP.
How you treat yourself is a billboard showing everyone else how you should be treated. Make sure that message is a good one.
2. Get real (without judgment) about your dating patterns
Now that you’ve learned to love yourself a little better (it’s never going to be perfect, we’re only human), it’s time to do some inventory on your past. So, show yourself some grace. Be kind to your former self. We are all flawed. You are no exception.
As you look back at your previous serious relationships, you’ll start to recognize a pattern. You may notice that you picked people that you knew you couldn’t trust so that you could have an easy out if they acted shadily.
You may notice that the people you latched onto didn’t have a lot going on in their lives. Maybe you wanted to feel superior, or maybe you wanted to be the center of their world.
This step is the most fun because it is the ultimate filter. You are going to weed out people that aren’t a good fit for you and draw in those that are perfect for you. It might rub some people the wrong way, but if it does, let them go.
Once you’ve done the work to love yourself a little more, and recognize your missteps of the past, you can step into the shoes you were meant to walk in all along. You will exude confidence and be a magnet to quality people that will appreciate every morsel for your being.
Will it feel uncomfortable at first? Absolutely.
But there will be more beauty here thananything you’ve experienced in the past as you’ve stumbled from person to person. This will be your sign to the world that you’re ready for whoever can handle you.
That person will show up, I promise you.
4. Look for someone who makes you laugh
When you are on the lookout for a suitable partner, make sure the person who interests you is someone with a good sense of humor, and this is what you must seek while choosing a marriage partner without any doubts.
At the end of the day, you just want someone you can wind down with, and if the person has the tendency to remain glum, you are not going to quite like it.
Each relationship teaches us one or the other things. These lessons are very vital in order to move ahead.
Now that you have an experience start switching things up. Make a conscious effort to avoid people that remind you of your past. Give more weightage to the elements of the relationship that really matter to you. Try not to ignore them as you did in the past.
Doing the same things you did in the past won’t get you better results in your future. Acknowledge where you went wrong, then change that behavior to invite better people into your world.
While choosing the right partner for marriage, it is often said that opposites attract. It is because when you look for a suitable partner, the things that you might be missing are already there in the other person who draws you towards them. In a way, it makes you feel whole.
So, when you are choosing the right one for yourself, make sure they aren’t exactly like you. At the end of the day, there should be certain levels of surprise and mystery.
As much as you would like your suitable partner to be a little different from you, you need to ensure that both of you share similar values.
Having shared values reinforces the foundation of your relationship. Simple things such as consensus on the number of children you want or living within your means create a conducive environment for your relationship to thrive.
The core values should match with your suitable partner to a certain extent in order to avoid conflict in the long run— for example, your thoughts on parenting, marriage, spirituality and other beliefs.
There could be times when you will feel desperate about how to choose a life partner for yourself. You would want to adjust and compromise and settle for less than what you once wanted. However, we suggest that you wait.
It is because settling for less will not give you any feeling of fulfillment either in the short term or long term.
Check out these signs to understand if you are really following the pattern of settling for less:
9. Find someone who is a first, a good human
At one point, you will feel seeing a person that you have found your suitable partner because they shower you with love, gifts, and compliments, but that is not all you must look for. As you move ahead with each other, love will take a backseat, and you both will be exposed to each other as a person- who you are from inside.
Are you able to communicate well with your potential partner? Communication is one of the important elements of the relationship. If you both are not able to comfortably talk or listen to each other, it either needs to be worked upon, or you can consider another choice.
Just because you have had heartbreaks in the past doesn’t mean you should lose hope. In order to choose the right guy or girl, you should shed your apprehensions, go out and be open to meeting people.
But how can dating and courtship help you choose your lifetime partner?
This will also expand your horizon and help you understand what exactly you are looking for in a suitable partner. This means you learn a lot about yourself apart from teaching yourself to take rejections so hard.
Just because you are on a spree on how to choose a life partner doesn’t mean you have to make quick decisions as soon as you find someone good enough. Remember, all that glitters is not gold. Each person has different layers.
So, take your time to understand the person before delving deeper into the relationship.
13. Maintain a distance from negativity
In order to get real with both phases of that process, you need to create space in your life. Create distance between you and the toxic people that may fog your judgment.
Create space for yourself by meditating or picking up a hobby that you used to enjoy. Do anything you can to give yourself the mental space necessary to sit back and see yourself for who you are.
So, in the process of choosing a spouse, do not avoid meeting them. Meet at different times and different places, from brunches to dinner dates, from adventure parks to movie parks. Meet them often to get to know all shades of them.
Last but not least, remain positive. Do not think negatively just because you see everyone around you committed while you are still struggling to find a suitable partner. The more negative you are, the more it will show up in your conversations, and it is not very attractive, is it?
16. Choose someone who respects you
It is difficult to lead your life with someone who disrespects you, your personality or downplays your ambitions in life. When choosing a life partner be sure to select someone who will respect all aspects of your life. Mutual respect is one of the defining traits to look for in a life partner.
17. Choose an honest life partner
If a relationship is not enshrined in a culture of honesty and trust, it will definitely fail. To build a culture of honesty and trust in your relationship, choosing the best life partner who does not refrain from open and genuine communication is important.
18. Consider a life partner keen on your life
A person willing to be in a long-term relationship with you will show genuine support for your ambitions and goals in life. Your potential life partner should be supportive of your plans to advance your career or pursue a worthy course.
19. Ability to cope with your family
One of the factors to consider when choosing a life partner is to consider their ability to adjust with your family.
Your family will always be a key support system in your life. They can tell if your prospective life partner is suitable or unsuitable for you. If he or she cannot cope with your family members, you might be choosing a life partner who is not right for you.
20. Assess the intellectual level of your partner
If you are a high achiever and aggressive in pursuing your dreams, consider a person with the same attributes.
Choosing a laid-back person could cause problems in your relationship. Both of you must view things and reason almost from the same standpoint. Out of all the factors to consider in choosing a lifetime partner, similar intellectual prowess.
21. Nurture great friendships first
Having a network of true friends provides perspective as you prepare for a relationship. Great friendships provide a basis for what love ought to be. They demonstrate that love should be purely based on choice as opposed to any need.
22. Anger management skills
A relationship involves two people with unique personalities. At times, you might have ugly arguments in which negative emotions are high. You might say hurtful things about one another. How your potential life partner reacts to anger reveals a lot about future reactions. If your prospective life partner cannot handle anger well, the situation can get out of control when you get married.
Closely related to anger management skills is your partner’s ability to forgive and forget. Love does not always revolve around sex, kissing and other intimate stuff. Arguments are deemed to occur in one way or another. Be keen to get a partner who does not keep dwelling on disagreements that happened in the past.
24. Consider taking the Rice Purity test
This test entails a set of have you ever questions in which you are supposed to give a yes or no response. The questions entail issues such as sex and drugs. The test assesses your “purity” level. Look for a comprehensive guide about the Rice Purity test to get more useful information.
25. Willingness to invest in the relationship
A relationship is a two-way street. Each party must be determined to make the relationship work. When choosing the right partner for marriage, select a person who allocates time for you and demonstrates concern for your needs.
To wrap up, if you are wondering how to choose the right partner for marriage, you have to use both your heart and brain when choosing a life partner.
As you select your partner, these tips are golden, and you’d be wise to give them a go if you’re on the search for your Mr. or Mrs. Right. They are out there, but they won’t find their way to you until you start loving yourself and showing that to the world around you.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.