If your marriage is suffering from lack of physical intimacy, you are not alone. Many couples, especially those who have shared several years of their lives together, experience a time in which there is an obvious lack of physical contact and intimacy between them. This is a natural part of the growth process of relationships – not everyone will experience it, but there is definitely a chance for that to happen. If you are experiencing a sexless marriage, try the following tips for improving connection and intimacy.
1. Show appreciation
It is important to use outward actions and words to show your spouse how much they are appreciated. This can be difficult to do, especially if there is any resentment or anger that exists within the relationship. Try not to focus on the things about your partner that bother you and focus instead on those things for which you are grateful. Think of the things your spouse does for you on a day-to-day basis. Other than with physical intimacy, there must be many ways for you to outwardly show your thankfulness. Do more of it; a spouse who feels appreciated is more likely to want to engage in physical intimacy.
2. Love abundantly
You chose this person to be your partner in life –so love your spouse abundantly! Sometimes all that is needed to encourage physical intimacy is the awareness of and desire to engage in emotional intimacy. You know your significant other better than anyone else. Think about the times that your husband or wife responded to your efforts positively; the more time you invest in loving your spouse in those ways, the greater the opportunity for physical intimacy.
3. Schedule quality time
While all of the above options are good in theory, they take time. One of the best ways to encourage physical intimacy is by enhancing the time you spend with your spouse. Rather than simply “being” with one another, make the time count. Schedule and set aside time for only the two of you – no children, no family, no friends. Plan something special, even if it is just a romantic, quiet night in the house. This time should be scheduled as a permanent part of that day’s plans.
4. Ask permission
While it may sound odd, asking your spouse for permission to engage in physical intimacy might be all that is needed to break the ice. Sex in any form can sometimes cause tension, especially if it has been awhile since you were last physically intimate. It will likely feel awkward to say the words, but asking your partner permission provides your husband or wife insight into what you desire and leaves the door open for them to respond to the request. The last thing you want is for your spouse to engage in physical intimacy because they feel forced or made to feel guilty about it.
Be patient with your spouse and be willing to communicate how you are feeling and what you are thinking. You may not be ready for physical intimacy at the moment, but it is important to actually say it to your spouse. Do not assume that your spouse already knows your desires – make them known!
5. Value your partner
As humans, we are driven by economic desire – essentially, we do things for others with the intention of receiving something in return. This can seem selfish but this is basic human nature. A similar kind of desire could emerge in the form of the emotional feelings by giving to another person. Emotionally, when we receive nothing in return, it can be hard to continue to give to the other person. But to remember above everything, it is important for your partner to know that you value him or her. Rather than doing something for your spouse with the expectation that they provide you something in return, to be precise-sexually, do it because you value them. If you have chosen to spend your life with this person, it was likely not a rash decision. Show your spouse how valuable they are by never taking their presence, thoughts, actions, or desires for granted.
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More by Elizabeth McCormick