10 Most Common Intimacy Issues in Marriage

Intimacy is not just relevant to sex but a deeper understanding of the person you will spend the rest of your life with.

Without intimacy in a marriage, it is just a contract with legal consequences. However, intimacy in a marriage is one of the most beautiful feelings a person could ever ask for.

Let us overview some of the most common intimacy issues in marriage that may stop you from having a fulfilling and happy life!

What are intimacy issues?

If you are wondering what is the meaning of intimacy issues, know that it refers to problems getting close to people you care about and love. Intimacy is having a special relationship with someone you share a close bond with.  

This can be when you have a sexual relationship with your mate or when you can be around them and feel a spark.

Having sex isn’t the only way to be intimate with someone. You may also be close to someone because you can converse for hours at a time or when you embrace and touch each other regularly.

If you are in a serious relationship, think about how you feel when you are close to your partner and just doing something like watching tv together and how you feel when you are intimate sexually. This can help you understand that different types of intimacy are important in relationships.

What causes intimacy issues in marriage?

There are a few things that can cause marriage intimacy issues. Here’s a look at five you may want to pay attention to if you notice them in your relationship.

1. You aren’t communicating

You may be experiencing intimacy problems in marriage because you and your partner are not communicating. It is important to take time each day to talk to each other, even if it is just for a few minutes a day.

Imagine how you would feel if you didn’t know anything that was happening in your spouse’s life. This could cause you not to get near them when you see them. 

Try to fix your communication problems as soon as you notice them. It will take time and effort.

2. There’s no trust

In some cases, a marriage with no intimacy occurs because there is no trust in the marriage. 

Perhaps you have caught your spouse in a lie, or they have caught you in one. This will probably alter how often you want to talk to each other and how often you want to be sexually intimate.

It doesn’t matter whether you are the one that was at fault or not; you can still try to make amends and improve the relationship. Talk to your partner and ask them how they feel about the situation and together, you can find common ground.

3. Infidelity

Another reason there may be signs of intimacy issues in your marriage is due to one or both of you being unfaithful. This can cause problems with both intimacy and trust, which can be difficult to overcome but not impossible.

However, a study conducted in 2018 found that in many cases, a person who has been cheated on will consider that they have a right to cheat back. 

If this happens in your marriage, repairing your relationship may be extremely difficult. You may need to work with a therapist for expert help.

4. Too much stress

You may find that you have a marriage with no intimacy because one of you is stressed out. You may have too much to do, be worried about something, or are under a lot of pressure at work. 

Whatever you are going through, it is important to manage your stress levels and one way to do that is to talk to someone you trust.

If you can trust your partner and they are willing to support you, they can help you pick up the slack in certain areas if you are too busy to finish all the tasks you need to do, or they can provide you with their perspective if you are unable to find a solution to a problem.

Related Reading: 15 Ways to Handle Stress in Marriage

5. Changes in life

So many changes can happen in a person’s life that can put intimacy on the back burner. 

For instance, if someone is grieving, if they are pregnant, or they are going through menopause and have seen many changes take place to their body, these are all reasons why it may be difficult to be sexually intimate with a partner.

However, it may be possible to help your mate by staying close to them and supporting them in any way you can. This can help lessen the extent of intimacy problems for married couples.

What are examples of intimacy issues?

There are several problems with intimacy in marriage that are possible. Here are 3 of the most common.

1. No desire for intimacy

Sometimes, a person may not want to be intimate with their partner. This could be due to one of the reasons listed above or because they aren’t interested in having sexual intimacy with anyone.

However, if you don’t want an emotional connection with your partner, you should stop and evaluate why this may be the case. Someone other than this may be the right person, or you may need to work on your communication.

2. Not liking yourself

If you struggle with intimacy in marriage, it could be because you don’t like yourself. You may think you aren’t good enough for your partner or be self-conscious about your body or how a relationship works in general.

At the same time, if you are with someone you trust, you can explain how you feel to them. Chances are they will understand and be patient with you. 

Together you can determine how to improve your intimacy. You can do this by going through marriage therapy with each other, or through other ways, such as learning more about intimacy and keeping communication open at all times.

3. Being afraid

Something else that could happen when you have problems with intimacy in marriage is that you are afraid of intimacy. This could happen if you haven’t been in a serious relationship before or recently got out of a bad relationship or marriage.

Again, if you are with someone who cares about you and you love, it is okay to be afraid but also to confide in your partner. They may surprise you with how they want to protect you and help you get over this fear.

Remember that there is more to a marriage than sexual intimacy, so you can start by building up other types together.

10 intimacy issues in marriage that cause discord

Here are some of the problems with intimacy in marriage that you may face. If you have any of these signs of intimacy issues in marriage, you can still work through them, so don’t give up.

1. Expecting monogamy but no action

If you expect your partner to remain faithful in your marriage, you should be willing to give them a reason to be faithful. Your partner has their share of sexual needs, which must be fulfilled.

If you barely have sex with your partner, they may search elsewhere for fulfillment.

Related Reading: Serial Monogamy in Marriage: Definition, Signs & Causes

2. Lack of fulfillment

Lack of fulfillment is a major intimacy issue in relationships that plagues marital happiness. In such cases, marriage becomes a pressure rather than a relief, as the constant tension between you and your partner may increase. Talk to your partner about it with an open heart and discuss your needs.

Tell them your needs are emotional and sexual, and finding sexual comfort from other sources won’t lead to emotional support.

3. The awkward sex

It happens to everyone in our lives and is just a situation you have to deal with.

Sometimes you’re sleeping and your partner gets aroused out of nowhere at 3 am in the morning.

Sometimes you both are talking about something serious and the next moment they are on top of you, believing that this will solve all the problems in the world.

Being married does mean that you and your partner are now lawfully wedded and whatever you do in your sex life with each other is permissible as long as each partner agrees.

That, however, does not give anyone the license to skip the foreplay and the intimate talk and then start right away with the sex. This rather causes a fear of intimacy in one of the partners.

4. Misalignment in intimacy levels

Misalignment in intimacy levels and desires of partners is a strong catalyst in giving rise to intimacy issues in marriage. One partner may want to engage in intimacy more often than the other person, which creates problems. 

If both parties are not interested in being intimate, this should not cause issues.

You should always be fair with your partner and understand that you can’t get what you want all the time, and they can’t either. Together you can decide when you want to cuddle when you want to have intercourse, and when you want to do other things.

Remember that sex only satisfies your body; it’s romance and foreplay that satisfies the soul!

5. It’s her problem

No intimacy in marriage? It’s always her problem, isn’t it?

It’s one of the most common and equally bizarre intimacy issues in marriage and has more to do with the woman’s perception. When you’re trying to conceive but can’t, it can become a mental challenge for you and your partner. 

Even if your husband has fathered a child in the past, that doesn’t automatically mean they are still potent.

In such situations, it is best to get a full-body checkup to discover who has the underlying issue. While it may not solve the intimacy issue, it will help both of you realize the physiological problems that affect your sex life and help overcome intimacy issues in marriage.

6. Too exhausted to engage in sex

One of the intimacy issues in marriage that frequently rears its ugly head is when either of the partners is not up for sex.

It could be attributed to a hectic job or an insipid but all-consuming family life. It can be a blow to your married life if, as a sex couple, you lose the closeness and intimacy that you once shared with your partner.

Scheduling sex and planning weekly date nights can be the answer to sprucing up your married sex life.

Be mindful of balancing scheduling with a strong sense of spontaneity to restore intimacy in your married life.

7. Watching porn and forming delusional images

Watching porn with your partner can contribute to healthy sex lives when watched in measured proportion.

However, porn can become a problem if one partner doesn’t like the other watching porn. In contrast, the other partner builds porn addiction and forms an unrealistic fantasy of a potential sexual partner who doesn’t exist. 

Watching too much porn can lead to a lack of intimacy in marriage, a serious emotional discord between a couple, and give rise to multiple intimacy issues in marriage.

Related Reading: How Porn Ruins Relationships and What to Do About It

8. Marriage success and intimacy are largely intertwined

Intimacy issues in marriage can sabotage the love bond between you and your spouse beyond repair.

Marriage intimacy problems in the bedroom can be a prelude to irreparable damage in your relationship with your spouse. No intimacy in marriage consequences includes infidelity, lack of self-esteem, broken connection with a spouse, deep-seated resentment, separation, or divorce. 

If intimacy issues are cropping up in your marriage, take it as a warning sign that danger lies ahead. Take stock of things and work at resolving these intimacy issues in marriage for a fulfilling married life.

9. Your feelings have changed

There’s a chance that your feelings have changed for your partner. 

Perhaps you have seen them do things that make you feel less attracted to them or you haven’t been emotionally intimate with each other in a while. This can make it hard to want to have sex with them, especially if you don’t discuss these things with them.

It is best to talk to your spouse when you have an issue that must be resolved. You can start the process of building up many types of intimacy with each other if this is something that needs to be improved and needs to be fixed.

10. You need mental health support

Have you been diagnosed with a mental health condition? You may not want to be intimate with your partner when you have a mental health issue that must be addressed. 

It would help if you worked with a therapist when it could benefit you. If you need more clarification, think about whether you feel like yourself. This could help you understand that you need help.

Along with getting treatment for the issue that is ailing you, a professional will also be able to talk to you about many ways to improve intimacy with your partner and what the process looks like.

5 signs you have major intimacy issues in your marriage

Here are ways to know if you have issues with intimacy in your marriage.

1. You don’t know how to talk to others effectively

Even when you are married, you may have an issue telling your spouse exactly how you feel and what you want. You might think that you don’t have a right to do so. However, this isn’t the case. 

You both have a right to discuss your expectations and boundaries regarding the relationship, including intimacy.

Try to talk to your spouse when you are comfortable doing so. Remember that this is the person that you chose to spend your life with. You must talk to them.

Related Reading: How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner

2. You don’t like to show emotions

You may not like to share your emotions with people. It may be hard for people to tell when you are happy or excited about something. This could cause them to think you are always unhappy, even if you are not.

If you don’t like to show how you are feeling or are unable to do so, it is okay to talk to your partner about how you feel so they know for sure. When you don’t, they may feel like they are doing something wrong.

3. You have trouble explaining yourself

It may also be problematic for you when trying to explain yourself. You may be aware that you need to work on things in your relationship, but you can’t get the words out.

When this happens, do what you can to express your feelings. If you have been with a person long enough, they may still be able to understand how you are feeling, so you can work through whatever the issue is together. 

For example, if you are happy with your partner, do nice things for them out of the blue. This could be something that helps improve your mood and theirs.

4. You think that someone will abandon you

When you are experiencing intimacy problems because you are certain that your partner will abandon you, this is an issue you may need to discuss in therapy. Furthermore, you should consider if your mate has given you a reason to think they aren’t trustworthy or don’t care about you.

It may be clear that they are there for the long haul. Talk to them, find out how they feel, and discuss your fears. This may be exactly what you need to improve your closeness with each other and can allow your spouse to prove that they are on your side.

5. You put up walls

If you have ever been in abusive or bad relationships, you may tend to put up walls when people try to get close to you or when you notice that they care. 

Defensiveness is something you should work on, especially once you find a person you can trust with your heart.

It can be arduous to stop putting up walls if this is what you are used to, but it is possible. Talk to a therapist for the best advice or consult with your trusted friends and family members for tips as well.

For more details on intimacy and closeness, check out this video:

How to overcome intimacy issues in marriage

No intimacy in a marriage doesn’t just vanish into thin air.

When it comes to how to fix intimacy issues in marriage, it is important to seek counseling to rekindle the passion in your marriage and reverse the no intimacy in marriage consequences.

Before intimacy issues in marriage lead to irreparable damage or permanent loss of connection with your spouse, reach out to an expert who can help you recognize intimacy issues in a marriage. During counseling, you will have an unbiased third party. 

They can address sexual intimacy issues as well as emotional intimacy issues in your marriage, help you find an answer to the question “how to overcome intimacy issues,” assist you in rebuilding marriage intimacy, and employ marriage intimacy exercises to enjoy a more fulfilling life with your spouse.

How do I talk about intimacy issues with my partner?

When you want to talk about intimacy issues with your partner, you should take some time to sit down and be open and honest with them about what you have been experiencing and how you feel.

Together you can decide what you want to do about these things. You may want to write down what you want to say to get the words out once your spouse is ready to listen to you. 

You can work on a resolution or decide what to do about your problems together.

Final takeaway

There are many signs of intimacy problems and things that can lead to intimacy issues in marriage and multiple ways to remedy them. 

Always talk to your spouse first; if this differs from how you pictured, you can also talk to a therapist for the best advice.

It is possible to improve your intimacy, but you must put some energy into your relationship that may have been missing. However, when you and your spouse are willing to do this, it is a good indication that you will be able to become close once again.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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