10 Tips to Practice Forgiveness in a Relationship

Forgiving in a relationship contributes to a happy and healthy relationship. Love and forgiveness are intertwined.

For those looking for definite answers to the question, what is forgiveness and why is it important? Let’s face it – no one is perfect. Forgiveness is about showing the willingness to acknowledge that you are human and can be wounded and feel hurt.

This is why forgiveness in a relationship is such a key element in making any relationship healthy and successful. Couples who believe their soul mates will fit their future lives and expectations like a glove are in for a major disappointment.

Down the line, they will realize that both partners are inevitably bound to make mistakes and hurt the other.

So, does that mean we give up on them? If you want to enjoy a lasting marriage with someone you love and value, inculcating and growing your ability to forgive is important. Bear in mind that love and forgiveness in relationships go hand in hand.

That begs the question, how do you let go of the past and trust again?

Can you forgive mistakes in a relationship?

Mistakes can be forgiven in a relationship, and you should be able to forgive your partner as much as you can forgive yourself, no matter what the mistake is. 

Letting things go can allow you to have a forgiving relationship in which both of you are happy and able to meet your needs. You won’t expect each other to be perfect all the time, which can strengthen your relationship.

Research indicates that forgiving yourself and your partner on a case-by-case basis can improve how happy you are in your relationship.

Why is forgiveness important in a relationship?

Before we present how we can practice forgiveness in a relationship or marriage, let’s look at some of the effects of holding a grudge.

• Adds bitterness and anger to the relationship
• Hinders our ability to enjoy and live in the moment
• Adds to our anxiety and depression levels
• Disconnects us from others

So, why is forgiveness important?

“If you don’t practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly.”

Although we may know all this and believe it is vital to forgive and let go, it may never be that easy. Most people, even willing to forgive and forget, are clueless about how to forgive and move on.

Does that mean one must keep forgetting, sit back and withstand abuse? Of course not! Here are some ways and proven methods that will help you let go and forgive someone.

How to forgive your partner in a relationship

When it comes to forgiving your partner, you must keep a few things in mind. One is that you must decide to forgive them. 

You can move forward with them without having to concentrate on what has happened in the past. 

Forgiveness may take a lot of talking and learning more about each other, but you can make it work if you are willing to put the time and effort into building trust. 

A 2021 study shows that forgiveness can be good for your mindfulness and benefit your overall wellness.

How to ask for forgiveness in a relationship

If you need forgiveness in a relationship, you must help your partner understand that you don’t intend to make another mistake or hurt them anymore. You can also help them remember why they love you in the first place. 

It may be challenging when you aren’t sure if they will forgive you or how long it will take them to let things go, but remember that it can happen, and if you value your relationship, it will be worth the wait. 

Forgiving your partner may be easy for some and difficult for others. Please do everything you can to assure them that you are still trustworthy and worth the effort.

10 tips on how to practice forgiveness in relationships

The need for guidance is often expected when you need help with how to practice forgiveness in a relationship. You may never have had to do it before or you might feel like the mistake that your partner made is unforgivable. 

However, it may not be, so consider these tips to help you work through your issues.

1. Look for the positive

Sometimes, it’s all about the perspectives.

For some, how to forgive someone for cheating is not even a question, as they decide to end the relationship due to infidelity, and the mental and emotional damage spells an automatic end to their relationship. Forgiveness in a relationship is easier said than done.

For most, cheating in a relationship is one of the toughest setbacks for the non-cheating spouse and poses a difficult choice of whether to stay in a relationship with the cheating spouse or not.

Even though it may be the last thing you want to do, especially in cases where you feel you have been deeply wronged, dwell on some of the positive outcomes that could happen if you forgive your partner.

What valuable takeaway could it have for you?

When you change your perspective and use that experience to gather important lessons for yourself, finding an answer to how to forgive a cheating spouse will become easier.

Related Reading: 20 Ways to Build Positive Relationships

2. Empathize with the other

Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and understand what they went through or why they may have done something while you do your best to let go of resentment in marriage. Analyze if you’ve ever made a similar mistake in the past.

Try your best to think of their positive qualities; all this could help you understand that it was not their intention to cause you pain. Perhaps, they are dealing with issues that have nothing to do with you.

The best tip on how to forgive someone who keeps hurting you is – do not listen to your over-critical inner voice; try and empathize as best as you can.

3. Talk to get help

If the offending acts of a partner were extremely hurtful, like in the case of cheating, then letting go and continuing the relationship becomes very hard.

In such cases, it’s best to talk to someone close to you or get professional help to navigate your feelings better as you grapple with forgiving and letting go.

This way, you will be able to get the support you deserve, help yourself through the process and build the skills required in practicing forgiveness.

When you’ve been hurt, all you may want to do is scream or cry.

Trying to forgive might be the last thing on your mind. However, it is best to give yourself time and you will know why it is important to release the stress of the past, let go and forgive – all for your good.

Related Reading: 10 Ways to Help a Friend in a Bad Relationship

4. Continue talking about it

If you have talked about it with your partner, close friends, and even a therapist, but you still don’t feel any better, keep talking to people you know and trust. They can help you make sense of the ideas floating around your head. 

You may be surprised at the different points of view you may hear when you talk to people you know you can lean on. They can talk to you about different perspectives, which gives you a better idea of why and how to forgive your partner.

Consider talking to a relationship therapist, with or without your partner, if you are comfortable doing so.

5. Work on yourself first

While you should not be held responsible for any mistakes your partner makes, you should consider how you act in your relationship. After all, you can control your behavior, but you are unable to control the actions of others. 

Do everything you can to be a trustworthy partner to your spouse and take care of yourself in the process. 

For instance, do it if you need extra time to relax or get your thoughts together. There is no time limit when it comes to forgiveness in a relationship.

6. Let it go

In some cases, one of the ways related to how do you practice forgiveness is that you have to let the mistake go. 

In other words, let go of whatever your partner did that hurt you or jeopardized your relationship. This is something you may think isn’t possible but consider what the alternative is. 

If you can never forgive them, can you be in a relationship with them? How does this make you feel? 

Getting over the hurt and betrayal can help you and your partner in several ways, so it can be worthwhile to try to get over it if possible.

7. Consider what you want

During the process of learning forgiveness, you should also consider what you want out of the relationship. 

Are there certain things you would like to make sure don’t happen again or do you want to take steps to ensure that you can build trust back up with your spouse? 

Talk to them and together, you should be able to come up with a plan to help both of you feel more secure in your relationship. It would help if you talked to a therapist about this so you can lean on their expert advice.

8. Be honest at all times

Another way to help you get through the heartache you might be experiencing is to be honest at all times. 

It would be best if you were honest with yourself and the people around you about how you feel. Doing so may allow people to understand that they can be honest with you and with your mate; in particular, this could improve your communication skills with each other. 

Remember that there is no reason to hide your feelings if they bother you. It may be better to let your emotions be known.

Related Reading: Why Honesty in a Relationship Is So Important

9. Work through your feelings

Besides just talking about your feelings, forgiveness in a relationship can also be accomplished if you can work through your feelings. Talking to a therapist and staying honest with yourself can also help you work through your feelings. 

You may have felt like you couldn’t go on at first, but after you think about what has occurred, you might understand what you want to do moving forward. You should be aware of this and discuss it with your partner. 

Allow your partner to express their feelings, even if you are upset with them.

10. Keep at it

The power of forgiveness in a relationship can work if you can keep at it. 

If you feel like your relationship is worth saving or you will be able to forgive your mate, it is important to keep at it until you can move on and feel like you can trust them again. 

It doesn’t matter that they did, since it is your decision whether you will forgive them. At the same time, if you don’t intend to forgive them, this is something that you should tell them right away, so you can figure out the next steps in your relationship.

Related Reading: 25 Reasons to Keep Your Relationship Private

Tips on how to fix resentment in a marriage

Resentment in marriage or any long-term relationship is a silent killer that threatens the survival of your relationship.

Here are a few tips on making your marriage work if resentment is ruining your relationship.

• Self-regulation and management of your emotions are very important when you want to practice forgiveness in relationships and heal from the wounds of infidelity.
• Realize that forgiveness in relationships does not equate to condoning your cheating spouse’s bad behavior. On the contrary, forgiveness in relationships is indicative of growth as a couple and a future free from resentment and anger.
• Refrain from emotional and physical withdrawal, and take a step forward to embrace empathy, affection, and healthy communication habits in your relationship.
• Don’t allow negativity to fester and lessen your burden. A continuum of forgiveness in relationships focuses on healing in a shorter period by not holding onto hurt feelings for long.

Holding onto grudges in a relationship indicates punishing yourself and not just your spouse. So, stop being captive to your negative feelings.

Most importantly, acknowledging that your relationship has cracks and has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship is crucial to practice relationship forgiveness and starting anew. Use this rough patch as a springboard to deepen your connection with your spouse and build healthy attachment styles.

To learn more about resentment and disappointment in relationships, watch this video:

FAQs

What are the 5 steps of forgiveness?

There are essentially five steps of forgiveness that are present when it comes to relationships. 

The time that it takes to go through them will be different for everyone, and some people may not be able to forgive others. However, you must try since you could hurt yourself and others if you don’t.

1. Think about what happened

When you first find out what happened, you may not know what to think. However, it is okay to take the time to process all the information you receive. Keep thinking about it until it doesn’t overwhelm you.

2. Consider the other side of it

You may be angry with your partner for their actions but consider their side. 

Think about all the things that may have happened to get them into their predicament. This could help you put yourself into their shoes, where you can understand certain mistakes.

3. Determine changes you need to make

After you think about both sides, consider what you want to do next. 

Do you need to be more direct with your partner? Should you take steps to share the load, so your spouse isn’t overwhelmed? Whatever you decide to do could determine how secure you feel in your relationship.

4. Forget about it

At some point, it is necessary to forget about what happened. 

Forgetting could be something you need so that you can move forward. It might not be good for your health if you are worried about an infraction for the rest of your life when you could process it and move on.

5. Move on with your life

Once you are ready to move on, go ahead and do it. 

Decide if you want to stay in your current relationship and work it out or do something else. Just be sure that you take the time you need to make the best decision for you and don’t do anything rash that you may regret.

Conclusion

It would be best if you likely had forgiveness in a relationship when you are wondering how to get your boyfriend to forgive you. There are numerous ways to accomplish this, whether you are the person seeking forgiveness or the one that is offering forgiveness. 

Either way, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist for more advice and lean on others to hear different perspectives.  

You should also take all the time you need to process your feelings and decide what to do next since you might initially feel like your mate doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Consider if they would forgive you and keep this in mind while you are figuring things out.

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Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less

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