The key to a happy marriage is ‘don’t take your spouse for granted‘. When we are wooing someone, we make all the right moves and do all the right things, but somehow, after marrying, we suddenly seem to make all the wrong moves.
That is simply because our activities change from attracting a great partner to taking them as a given within everything else that goes on in life. Wife takes husband for granted, husband takes wife for granted and before we know it, the relationship ends up in a cycle of ignorance.
Our other objectives become more important, and we tend to take the relationship for granted. We start to pay less attention to the most important person in our life.
The worst thing you can do to your partner is ignore them and take them for granted. Taking your spouse for granted is way worse than criticizing them. When you take your partner for granted you are ignoring their need to be recognized and appreciated for their contributions in your relationship.
In time if a relationship reaches a state of saturation or stagnancy, couples start taking their spouse for granted. The assumption that you know every thing about your spouse leads to a notion that they can’t have anymore original thoughts.
The happiness and success of a relationship depends upon knowing how to not take your partner for granted. A good intent is not sufficient enough, it takes tangible actions to convey how much you care about partner.
The objective is to focus on the things you love and appreciate about your partner and avoid reaching a point where you started taking each other for granted.
So of you are wondering why my wife takes me for granted or why my husband takes me for granted then, here are four things to say that will show your spouse that you still care about them and are paying attention to your marriage.
1. What do you want to do?
After spending time with your partner, you get to know what they like and dislike, what they like to do and what they typically avoid. This makes things easy when you want to plan something together, but don’t forget to ask your spouse what they want to do – at least sometimes!
This keeps both of your engaged in your activities and lets your partner know you care about their opinion.
In a relationship when your husband takes you for granted or when you are feeling taken for granted in marriage it is due to the lack of communication between the spouses.
Understanding what your partner wants to do starts with asking about it. One of the first thing you can start with is asking how they think things are going in your relationship. Keep the question open-ended and try to understand their view objectively without applying any pressure.
Similarly, its is important to know how your spouse feels about other aspects of your relationship. Ask them what they might want to fix or improve in the relationship and then try and figure out how can that be done.
Find out what your spouse perceive about your sexual experiences with each other and would they be interested in trying other things.
Make sure that you also ask your partner what is working right in your relationship so as to not loose focus on the right parts.
2. I can’t wait to be with you!
Longing is what keeps relationships alive. The day you stop longing for someone is the day your relationship only looks good on paper or in theory. When you long for someone, you need to let that person know.
It doesn’t take much more than this simple phrase to signal that you want to be with the person you married. So don’t take your spouse for granted.
Big gesture are not always necessary to remind your partner how much you want them in your life. Small acts of love done consistently are just as important and the best part is that most of them would barely take five minutes out of your routine to implement.
Practice simple disciplines such as kissing and hugging before your partner laves for work. Greet each other with pleasant remarks, leave them love notes around the house. Call them at work, ask them how their day is going and tell them that you are thinking about them.
Engaging in flirtatious repartee regularly can help you step up your game and even improve your sex life. Do the little things that your spouse appreciates like buying them flowers, holding hands in public or even splitting household chores with them.
3. Our relationship is the most important one I have on this earth!
After all the dust has settled from your wedding, having kids, and whatever other distractions come in and out of your life, there should be just one person you want to be with forever. The person you married is the most important person in your life, and your marriage must be treasured.
Demonstrate that you are fully aware of whats happening in your marriage. Men are usually branded as ‘clueless’ in relationships, so try to be more conscious of what is going on around you and communicate with your spouse frequently to know what and how they feel.
A long term marriage requires a lot of assurances over time. Assure your wife or husband regularly that you love an respect them. Assurance is a very string tool to recuperate a stale relationship.
Your relationship and the well being of your spouse should be your first priority. Defending your spouse or stand by your spouse is very critical and represents how much you care about each other.
Nurturing your relationship with your spouse is a two way street and works perfectly when you and your partner prioritize each other before anything else.
4. Thank you!
Thank you is not just good manners; it also expresses joy, gratitude and appreciation for something. From making you lunch to rearranging your shoe rack, whatever your spouse does should be appreciated vocally.
Appreciate you spouse for any and everything, it might seem excessive but over time you would know how to pick your moments. Positive feedback goes a long way and the one receiving it can go out of their way to do more for you.
And no, thinking “thank you” doesn’t count – say it out loud! Your spouse doesn’t always know that you are grateful. Engage in a cycle of appreciation in your relationship and don’t take your spouse for granted.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Debbie McFadden