You know things are not going well for you and your spouse. Your partner did seem stern, aloof, and resentful that last time you spoke to each other.
Like always, you expect them to come around, let go of the steam and become their normal self with time. Instead, one day, you come home to find their clothes missing from their cupboards and a piece of paper on the dinner table- a divorce notice.
Why do couples divorce?
There are some traits in a partner or circumstances- the divorce causes, which might force partners to seek a divorce.
You can no longer cope with your partner, and divorce is perhaps the best option.
When couples feel like they have given their relationship all they have, they can ultimately come to the conclusion that it’s time to end their marriage.
Do you think this scenario could transpire into your life?
It’s not uncommon that couples start to fight and make up until one day they fall apart for good. Don’t neglect your relationship issues. You never know, your relationship could be treading towards rocky roads too!
What percentage of marriages end in divorce?
The picture of what percentage of marriages end in divorce might seem predictably low, but the reality is that approximately 50% of marriages end up in divorce in the United States.
Not just this, according to stats, couples usually divorce in the first seven years of marriage. So, what year of marriage is divorce most common?
It is said that marital satisfaction increases as the couple moves towards their 10th anniversary.
If you think you know why people get divorced or how many marriages end in divorce, you might not be wrong, but there are certain reasons to get a divorce that you could never have guessed.
The Austin Institute for The Study of Family and Culture using data from 4,000 divorced adults, identified the top reasons for divorce as to why people break up in the United States to include infidelity by either party; spouse unresponsive to needs; incompatibility; Spouse immaturity; emotional abuse and financial problems.
What are the top 10 reasons for divorce?
Here is a list of commonly observed grounds for divorce with reasons for divorce statistics. If you identify any of these in your relationship, you must get conscious about where your relationship is heading.
This will help you understand what factors are associated with a higher risk for divorce and take the necessary actions and avert further damage.
Let’s look at the 10 most common reasons for divorce and understand whether or not your marriage is salvageable.
1. Infidelity or an extramarital affair
When one person goes outside of the relationship to get their needs met, whether it is physical or sexual, this can doom a relationship. It is very difficult to get trust back once a partner feels betrayed.
Extra-marital affairs are responsible for the 20-40% breakdown of most marriages and end in divorce. This is one of the most common causes of divorce. The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe.
Anger and resentment are common underlying reasons for cheating, along with differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy.
Infidelity often begins as a seemingly innocent friendship, says cheating expert Ruth Houston. “It starts as an emotional affair which later becomes a physical affair.”
Infidelity is one of the primary reasons for divorce. It is also one of the legal divorce reasons, besides living apart for more than a year and subjecting your partner to cruelty (mental or physical).
2. Trouble with finances
Money makes people funny, or so the saying goes, and it’s true.
Why is divorce so common due to financial incompatibility? According to divorce statistics, a “final straw” reason for divorce is a lack of compatibility in the financial arena and causes almost 41% of divorce.
Everything from different spending habits and financial goals to one spouse making considerably more money than the other, causing a power struggle can strain a marriage to the breaking point. Also, differences in how much money each partner brings into the marriage can also lead to power plays between a couple.
“Money really touches everything. It impacts people’s lives,” said Emmet Burns, brand marketing director for SunTrust. Clearly, money and stress do seem to go hand in hand for many couples.
Financial troubles can be categorized as one of the biggest causes of divorce, following infidelity, the number one reason for divorce.
3. Lack of communication
Communication is crucial in marriage and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage.
On the other hand, good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. When two people are sharing a life together, they must be able to talk about what they need and be able to understand and try to meet the needs of their partner.
Yelling at your spouse, not talking enough throughout the day, making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication that need to be ditched in a marriage.
Besides, when couples stop talking to each other, they can feel isolated and lonely and stop caring about one another altogether. This can lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
Many find it hard to see the other person’s point of view, which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution. This can ultimately be a cause of divorce for 57.7% of couples.
5. Weight gain
It may seem awfully superficial or unfair, but weight gain is one of the main reasons for divorce.
It may seem odd, but weight gain is also one of the leading causes of divorce. In some cases, a significant amount of weight gain causes the other spouse to become less physically attracted while for others, weight gain takes a toll on their self-esteem, which trickles into issues with intimacy and can even become a cause of divorce.
These expectations can put a lot of strain on the other person, leaving you feeling let down and setting your spouse up for failure. Wrong expectation setting can become one of the reasons for divorce.
This can be from a lack of physical or emotional intimacy and isn’t always about sex. If you are constantly giving your spouse the cold shoulder, know that it can become the ground for divorce over time.
Often couples struggle with different sex drives and different sexual appetites. This can really plague a couple as they try to get their needs met. In addition, at different stages of life, our sexual needs can change, which can lead to feelings of confusion and rejection.
Ignoring your partner’s sexual needs is being called the number one cause of divorce in recent times.
Making your relationship intimate and special is the responsibility of both partners. Practice little acts of kindness, appreciation, and enjoy physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your relationship.
8. Lack of equality
Lack of equality comes closely behind the number one cause of divorce, lack of intimacy, in recent times.
When one partner feels that they take on more responsibility in the marriage, it can alter their view of the other person and lead to resentment.
Resentment often snowballs to become one of the reasons for divorce. It is a leading cause of divorce.
Every couple must negotiate through their own and unique set of challenges and find their own way of living together as two equals who enjoy a respectful, harmonious, and joyful relationship.
9. Not being prepared for marriage
A surprising number of 75.0% of couples of all ages have blamed not being prepared for married life for the demise of their relationship. Divorce rates are highest among couples in their 20s. Lack of preparation is one of the most common reasons for divorce.
Almost half the divorces occur in the first 10 years of marriage, especially between the fourth and eighth anniversary.
10. Physical and emotional abuse
Physical or emotional abuse is a sad reality for some couples and contributes to 23.5% of divorces.
It doesn’t always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame. Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse and must remove yourself from the relationship safely is important.
Are there “good” reasons to get a divorce?
You might question yourself, “Should I divorce my spouse or stick in the marital bond?
Well, the answer completely depends on your experience in marriage. Every relationship is unique and it’s on the couple to decide how they want to proceed in the relationship.
Besides, if you feel the relationship is serving you no purpose and it is only giving you suffering, it is a good decision to walk away from marriage.
If you are still unsure, take this quiz and find out the answer:
If you are experiencing one or more of these issues in your marriage, you may be having a pretty tough time right now.
Here’s the good news. Couples therapy can really help with any or all of these issues. Typically couples come to counseling seven to eleven years after problems have started. That can make it seem pretty hopeless that things will ever get better.
However, if both partners are committed to making their marriage better, a lot can be done to improve their life together and help the marriage garden bloom again.
No marriage is easy.
Even couples with the best intentions are sometimes unable to overcome their challenges and end up in courtrooms. That’s why it’s important to address issues in your relationship early on, don’t let them become one of the reasons for divorce. Don’t wait until they are beyond fixing.
Try your very best before you decide that things are beyond your control, there are too many reasons for divorce, and it is time to give up. That way, you can have the peace of knowing you tried all of the alternatives before the big step. Divorce is one of the worst things you can experience emotionally, but sometimes, it’s inevitable and for good.
Practice kindness, make intimacy a priority, go on holidays, and seek marriage counseling (even when things are fine) to preserve the health and longevity of your relationship.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Shellie R Warren is an author, writer, marriage life coach and doula. Her passion is
covenant and spends a lot of time devoted to that area. You can check out her blog for single women who desire marital covenant at www.OnFireFastMovement.blogspot.com