Men commonly find themselves in an unexpected and bewildering situation when they get married. And we’re not talking about becoming emotionally and financially responsible for one (or several, when kids come) more souls.
We’re also not thinking about all the more or less expected changes, such as having to share all your life plans with another person, signing for a mortgage for a house you would otherwise never buy but will be paying for half of your life, or all the perks of being married, such as never thinking about your laundry or your meals again.
No, what comes as a shock for many men once they get hitched is that their sex life changes dramatically to the extent of getting trapped in a sexless marriage.
Their once sexual-dynamo-girlfriends and fiancées become disinterested wives and mothers.
For a lucky few, this never happens. For some, the dry spell comes after many years of pretty much the same sex life as they had before the marriage, with small adjustments due to the new kind of life they’re now leading.
And, for some, their sex life becomes unsatisfactory soon after they hear the wedding bells.
Although many women complain about the same issue, this article will offer a few pieces of advice for men who feel that they need to deal with their sexless marriages somehow. So, what can a man do for coping with a sexless marriage?
If you are stuck in a sexless marriage, advice for men to overcome this impediment of no sex is right here!
1. Break the myths about sex in marriage
It’s difficult enough that you have been living in a sexless marriage. It is now essential to not put an additional burden of believing in myths about the sexual lives of married people onto your shoulders.
The vast majority, if not all, married couples have less (or less enjoyable) sex compared to their dating days. Sexless marriage does not necessarily mean that partners never have sex.
Usually, having less than ten intercourses a year is considered a sexless marriage in therapeutic practice.
But, the main factor is the couple’s satisfaction with the frequency of intercourse. For some, this may not even qualify to be a problem, and for some, even twice as much is still too little.
Also, a sexless marriage is not a signal of love being gone. In essence, such a situation is a result of many different causes and their interaction, which sets the stage for the second piece of sexless marriage advice for men.
2. Get to the bottom of the problem
For a man in a sexless marriage, it is essential to get to the root of the problem.
But do it gently and with care and compassion.
It is easy to get frustrated by the tension about surviving a sexless marriage and by the sheer fact that you’re not satisfied in that area. Still, the additional pressure of lashing out or blaming your wife would be like pouring wet cement on it- you’d never move on any further again.
So, talk to your wife, and try to express your feelings by having empathy for her at the same time. Give her space to say whatever she thinks without upholding any fear that it would hurt you or make you angry.
3. Decide what you need to do
Let’s not ignore the pink elephant in the room – the ideas about an affair or a divorce most probably came to your mind at one point or the other. And this is only natural.
Regardless of any other aspect of your marriage, not having sex with your wife will put those ideas into your head. And this is where you need to address them with cold rationality and in a situation when you can consider everything, both positives, and negatives.
Because if you avoid this unpleasant talk with yourself, you might find yourself tempted to succumb to the temptation of a beautiful stranger, or slamming the front door in a rage and with “divorce” on your lips. And you might regret these actions you took in effect.
But that is what you should decide on now before you made moves that are hard to mend. Is not having sex a deal-breaker for you? Is there something you still might do about it? Did you consider every option? How are the other aspects of your marriage?
What are the reasons to stay? Did you try therapy? Ask yourself all these questions when you are bogged down with the thought of how to deal with a sexless marriage as a man.
Talk to your wife (she is, in the end, the person you decided to share your most intimate fears and doubts with), and remember – not having sex right now does not mean you’re doomed. The sexless marriage solutions are out there.
Watch this video for more insights into no-sex marriage:
When you are thinking about what should a husband do in a sexless marriage, these tips and pieces of advice should come handy when it comes to saving your marriage and infusing it with a renewed spark and intimacy.
Resorting to an affair outside marriage or distancing yourself from your spouse will only lead to heartburn and a series of complications. Timely sexless marriage help can help avert any damage that could spell doom for your marriage.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.