Naturally, human beings want to be emotionally and physically close to each other i.e. they want to be in the each other’s company, no one can survive in the solitude of mind and body. But, there is no aspect of the human endeavour that seems more frightening than the challenges and difficulties of our personal relationships with others. This means relationships are like any other living thing that require effort and work to be put into it.
We have to learn how to accommodate and adapt to other people’s faults, hobbies, dislikes, moods, etc., just as they must learn how to do the same with us.
However, there are some relationships that are more difficult, more hectic and much more fights and disagreements. These relationships proportionately require more work and effort invested into it so as to keep the relationship going.
And then we have toxic relationships. These relationships have turned themselves into a relationship that has the potential, if not properly put to check, to be extremely harmful and dangerous to our well-being. These relationships are not totally hopeless , but they require substantial and difficult work and effort if they are to be turned around into something less harmful and healthy.
Therefore, a toxic relationship is a relationship that involves behaviours on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and physically damaging or harmful to their partner. This does not mean persons in a toxic relationships are physically harmful and life threatening to the life and health of the other partner but it can happen that the other partner feels frightened, threatened and scared to share his or her opinions because he or she is nervous and afraid of the toxic person’s emotional reactions.
While a healthy relationship boosts our diligence, mental capacity, self-esteem and emotional energy, a toxic relationship damages the ability to think straight, self-esteem and drains energy. A healthy relationship involves care, sacrifice, Integrity, self-respect, and compassion, an interest in our partner’s welfare and growth, an ability to share control and also take part in decision-making, in short, a mutual desire for each other’s happiness but a toxic relationship doesn’t involve care or sacrifice or integrity or self-respect and compassion. It does not involve any interest in our partner’s welfare and growth and an ability to share control or take part in decision-making. In short, a toxic relationship does not include a mutual desire for each other’s happiness.
A healthy relationship is a clean, secure and safe relationship; a healthy relationship is a relationship where we can be ourselves without fear, a place where we feel comfortable, safe and secure. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is not a safe and secure relationship. A toxic relationship involves insecurity, self-centeredness, selfishness, irresponsibility of actions, forceful authority and power, dominance, control. We risk our very being by staying in a toxic relationship with a toxic person. To say a toxic relationship is damaging is an understatement.
The major types of toxic partners in a toxic relationship
1. The quick tempered toxic partner
These are also known as the ill or bad tempered toxic persons. These individuals have a quick trigger to their temperament that is they are swift to getting angry. They get annoyed and angry easily and unpredictably.
They are also known as “walking on egg shells” toxic partner. Their partners never quite know what will send him or her into a rage. The partner constantly needs vigilance and the ability to know what will trigger an angry outburst.
If you confront an “ill tempered” partner about the inappropriateness of his or her anger, they will blame their temper outburst and actions on you. They will see it as your fault and yell and scream at you. That’s the dysfunctional behaviour of a toxic partner.
2. The depriciator or belittler partner
This type of toxic partner will constantly depreciate and belittle you, he will see you as nothing. He or she will always make fun of you, he/she sees anything you say that expresses your ideas, beliefs, or wants is silly or stupid. A toxic partner will not hesitate to cut you out or belittle you in public, in front of your friends or family.
3. The overdependent partner
These toxic partners want you to make every decision for them, from where to go to dinner to what car to buy. They depend on you for money, provisions and what to eat. They don’t want to spend but you spending for them and they are usually passive aggressive when confronted.
Other types of Toxic Persons include
- The Possessive (Paranoid) Toxic Partner
- The “Independent” (Non-Dependable) Toxic Partner
- The Over-reactor/Deflector Toxic Partner
- The Guild-Inducer