Healthy partnerships are a blend of many things, most of which include love and best friendship.
That means happiness extends to bliss on the most outstanding of days, unending support for each other, and having a teammate to get through the hectic day-to-day. It can be amazing.
It can also be awful at times. Most of us are aware of things not to do in a relationship, but when one person is facing challenges or the relationship is going through a rough patch, unhealthy habits begin to form that need to be squashed before they become the norm.
25 things to never do in a relationship
When relationships are good, they can be fantastic, but when things are sour, partners begin to do things you should never do with your mate. It’s quite normal to occasionally lash out if you’re angry or perhaps even inadvertently insult your mate.
But when bad behavior starts to be a habit, it needs addressing before one or both partners begin to feel it’s okay to act this way. Let’s look at things not to do in a relationship.
1. Believe that it’s “a walk in the park”
No one should presume what should a relationship be like. Partnerships are not all created equally, nor are any walks in the park. Being with someone you love, consider your best friend, comes with ups and downs if you intend a long-term match.
Each day you need to nurture plus try to cope with the downs in a healthy, communicative way.
Instead of enjoying each moment as they happen, some partners anxiously push for that next step in the relationship. One of the worst things to do in a relationship is to rush rather than create fabulous memories as you go from one day to the next.
The moments leading up to whatever the future holds are part of your story; they should be as fascinating as the climax.
3. Support doesn’t mean being the solution
The ideal mate enhances their partner’s life and encourages them to grow and vice versa. That doesn’t mean you’ll have the answer to every situation that arises. While a mate should always listen and support, that doesn’t translate to fixing the problem or providing a solution.
Each partner needs to recognize the strength within themselves to manage and cope with life’s issues and not have that expectation that your significant other will always take care of everything for you. Support and encourage, but don’t always try to be the answer.
It’s not easy, nor is it supposed to be. It requires plenty of effort. If one person chooses to ignore it with the notion it will work itself out is not worth your effort. That’s not how a relationship should be.
Keeping secrets is not something mates do who enjoy a strong, open, honest union. Attempting to keep something quiet from a partner puts a wedge between the two of you that will ultimately let your significant other know something is up.
It’s better to get everything out in the open in the very beginning and let the other person determine if it’s such a bad thing instead of trying to hide it. Secrets always come out at some point. It’s better to hear it in an honest conversation.
If you’re trying to develop a relationship with another person, you need to be authentic. Things you should never say to a guy or things you shouldn’t say to your girlfriend include only agreeable comments or precisely what they want to hear.
If you nod along with everything a partner says, in essence faking the way you feel, you’re being dishonest with them and unfair. Your mate isn’t getting to know you but instead a fairy tale version. You owe it to yourself and your partner to be real.
Disagreement, argumentswill happen. Sometimes these are exceptionally unpleasant to the point each person gets close to saying the things not to say to your girlfriend or vice versa, saying the things not to say to your boyfriend.
Instead, each person needs to walk away, get some space, and take some time to work through the events so you can each find forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s the bigger people who know how to forgive, move forward, and not find a reason to hold a grudge.
When old baggage is continually dredged up, no one can move towards a happy future. It’s essential to make peace with whatever is serving as a sore spot in the relationship.
Regardless of what’s happened, it can’t be changed despite the amount of time spent arguing or worrying over the incident. It’s more important to focus on the present and how you can step into the future.
Everyone has their moments of vulnerability and times where strength is not on our side. In some cases, a mate expects a partner to be the household’s strength, handling anything that comes along.
It’s asking a lot to anticipate that a person can stand up to this kind of standard. Ultimately, it can lead to extreme stress and a meltdown. Each person needs to be allowed their weaknesses, flaws, faults and be appreciated for these along with the positives.
12. Sit in judgment of flaws
In that same breath, some mates might ridicule or criticize even in healthy relationships when they have personal issues, or perhaps there’s a rough patch in the relationship.
This habit can get out of control if an open line of communication is not developed as soon as the behavior starts to happen. Neither person should be judgmental or even inadvertently insulting towards the other person.
Words need to be chosen carefully when facing challenges.
Being critical is one of the primary things not to do in a relationship, especially when you’re hoping to move forward peacefully.
When learning what not to do in a relationship with your boyfriend or in that same vein what not to do in a relationship with your girlfriend, a primary focus should be on avoiding being selfish.
The idea is that you’ll face the partnership as equals and the day-to-day as a team. There won’t be any expectations for either person. Instead, you’ll see whoever has the time or energy to get to a task doing it or take a day and do the chores together.
As far as the relationship, the effort, time, and energy should be mutual. There should be no expectations placed on each of you but anticipation for each day and into the future. It shouldn’t feel like a job.
Again, in that same breath, don’t take each other for granted. Show appreciation and gratitude for the other person. Cherish the fact that you have this person in your life and do your part to make them happy and vice versa.
Too often, people become comfortable, especially in long-term relationships, assuming the other person already knows. Hence, there’s really no reason to have to keep repeating “I love you” or a need to give compliments. You couldn’t be more wrong.
Take the good and the bad equally. Not all partners can do that, with some only prepared to take the good. Your partner is not always going to be that happy-go-lucky person with whom you fell in love.
There will be moments where your mate might go through a trauma, an illness, or a dark period unusual for them and maybe frightening for you. It’s not something you will likely know how to deal with; that’s okay.
Your partner will most probably want to have space during these difficult times but at the same time know you’re supporting them. It’s wise to reach out for your own support system also to help you through this period.
And if your significant other languishes for an extended period, you’ll want to look into professional help.
If you need to fix a few things to make your mate their perfect version, that partner is not the right person for you. We all have our quirks and eccentricities. That’s what makes us uniquely us.
The people who come into our lives are initially attracted to that individuality. If any of that changes to suit what a partner imagines you to be, you will no longer be that individual. How is that fun . . . or fair?
Couples look into each other’s eyes while talking, acknowledge the dialog, and only respond once they’ve thoroughly processed what they’ve heard. The conversation is intentional, has direction, and makes each person feel fulfilled.
18. Overly sensitivity can lead to dishonesty
If you don’t want to hear someone’s opinion on a topic, you genuinely shouldn’t ask a direct question of that person. Unfortunately, that’s the case in some partnerships, and it can lead to problems or dishonesty between the pair when one becomes overly sensitive with the subject.
It’s essential, no matter the subject, whether it’s a style of dressing, a shoe size, or a political inquiry, that you respect and appreciate your partner speaking their mind without affecting the relationship.
If there’s a significant problem with a mate being able to say how they feel, it might be wise to reconsider this union in favor of someone who thinks more like you.
Instead of talking until a disagreement resolves, some individuals will walk away, leaving each person’s feelings to fester. That can happen in even the healthiest of relationships when going through a rough patch. It’s among the top things not to do in a relationship.
If you can’t find a way to communicate the issue between yourselves to the point of resolution, it’s wise to reach out for professional guidance. It’s not something that will get better by neglecting it, nor will it just merely go away.
20. Letting other people decide your destiny
Too often, couples listen to what other people have to say about the fate of their relationship. Friends and family can be highly vocal with their opinions about mates creating tension in partnership.
It can be a slippery slope for the pair because you could either stick together stronger in defiance of the naysayers or possibly break up after letting their negativity influence your opinions. These are things not to do in a relationship.
As long as you share a healthy line of communication as a couple and advise family and friends to keep their opinions to themselves, you should be able to maintain a strong union without any effects from their backlash.
21. Closed-mindedness could lead to missed opportunities
Things not to do in a relationship include being closed-minded no matter how small or large the change might be to your grand scheme—this kind of lends itself to give and take in a partnership.
Sometimes a mate might present with an opportunity that will throw off your couple goals by perhaps a small timeframe or maybe longer. Instead of disagreeing immediately with no conversation to be had, it’s essential to look at the pros and cons and at the very least discuss them.
22. Comparisons are the worst
Comparing a partner to someone else like an ex is hands down the ultimate of things not to do in a relationship. Anyone who does that is extremely breakup-worthy.
That’s not only unfair and critical, but it speaks that you’re not good enough. It also says there are some unresolved feelings for the people you’re being compared to. Another thing it tells you is you deserve better.
If you ask what things not to do in a relationship, one of the first red flags everyone will mention is lying. There are, of course, little white lies. But if a mate starts telling those initially, will they progress as the relationship develops?
If so, how far will your partner go with lying, and will cheating become a component of the habit? One thing you’ll have trouble establishing is trust. That’s something that’s challenging to get back once it’s gone.
Something that can prove unforgivable is when a mate seeks out consolation during the rough patch instead of making attempts to communicate with you.
In all likelihood, the interaction is innocent, especially if you have a strong bond. Still, it’s like a virtual slap to go outside the relationship to discuss the issues instead of trying to resolve things at home.
25. Refusing therapy or counseling
When a rough patch reaches a point where there seems to be no resolution, and you want to seek professional help in an attempt to save the relationship. Still, your partner refusing can make it begin to feel hopeless.
That’s especially true if your mate is putting forth minimal effort in working through the problems. It can be tempting to throw out an ultimatum, but you want your significant other to go for therapy because they want to, not because you force them.
Ultimately it needs to be their decision, but your decision needs to be whether you want to continue to put forth the effort you’ve been exhausting.
Check out this video that explains what one can discover about the relationship in couples therapy:
Every couple will experience ups and downs regardless of how healthy, happy, and strong your partnership is. It’s natural and expected in a long-term relationship. The difference between a successful couple and those who struggle is how you cope with the downs.
Your partner wants you to be vulnerable, open, honest, and communicative. It means they can be too. That strengthens the bond, makes you close, and guides you directly towards a positive outcome. These are the things you should do in your relationship.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.