20 Things People in Great Relationships Have in Common

Being in love, feeling loved and knowing that someone loves you is the best feeling ever. It’s a feeling that is unexplainable, a feeling that can’t be described, a feeling that you don’t have words for, a feeling that makes you smile, a feeling that causes your heart to skip a beat, a feeling that makes you want to do right, a feeling that causes you to change so you can be a better person.

So what does it take to get to this?

Everyone wants a great relationship. A relationship, where there’s give and take, a relationship built on trust and honesty, where there’s compromise and selfishness is put aside, a relationship where the foundation is God, where pride is put aside; a relationship where there’s support and no competition, where’s there’s commitment, respect, honor, value, and appreciation.  

It’s not impossible to have a great relationship, the problem is, most people have a false perception of what a great relationship look like, and they tend to want to their relationship to look like the relationship of their parents, friends, and even those on television, and we all know that the relationships on television are not real. The relationships we see on television are a figure of a person’s imagination, and many people fall into this trap of wanting their partner to be the person they imagine, and they want their relationship to mimic the relationship they create in their mind, which is only an illusion.

People who enjoy great relationships

People who have great relationships understand that having a great relationship is not hard, they understand that they have the ability to create the relationship they desire, and they know it’s possible to have a loving and lasting relationship based on reality. People who have great relationships, are willing to put in the work, they are willing to put in the time and effort it takes to build and sustain a relationship, and they are willing to give up “I” for “We.”

Great relationships don’t just happen

Great relationships are created by two people who want to be together, who are committed to each other, and who want to build a relationship with a healthy foundation, where there’s mutual respect, honesty, commitment, and trust. These are people who really want to make it work, and they have different relationship characteristics that sets them apart and help them in their ability to build a healthy and loving relationship. There are many attributes that contribute to the success of every relationship, and two people who want to be together, and who want to build, sustain, and maintain their relationship should put in the work, time and effort it takes.

I’m sure there are some things about your relationship that gives you peace about being with the person you’re with, gives you confidence that you’re with the right person, and gives you an assurance that you’re in the right relationship, and that’s awesome. However, relationships take continuous work and effort to maintain, and couples who have great relationships know that there are some key attributes that makes being in a relationship easy, especially if you’re with the right person and if your relationship is built on the right foundation.

Remember, there are no perfect relationships and those who are in great, loving, healthy relationships have the following attributes in common; they

1. Enjoy spending time with each other
2. Trust and support each other
3. Have fun together
4. Share core values and beliefs
5. Agree and disagree respectfully without hurting each other’s feelings or being mean on purpose
6. Don’t try to change each other and are free to be who God has called him/her to be
7. Have individual and relationship boundaries, and respect those boundaries
8. Invest in the relationship, and spend time identifying ways to enhance themselves and the relationship
9. Love each other unconditionally, and don’t put a price tag on their love
10. Accept and respect each other’s’ differences, flaws, & past
    
11. Don’t play emotional and manipulative games with each other
12. Make time for friends, family, and each other
13. Communicate openly, honestly, and clearly
14. Balance their relationship, and their personal and professional life
15. Positively enhance each other’s life
16. Don’t hold grudges, and forgive each other with no problem
17. Listen to each other without interrupting and are not so quick to give an answer, but they listen to understand
18. Don’t allow people and social media to control their relationship
    
19. Don’t bring up the past and use it against each other
    
20. Apologize to each other and mean it, and they don’t take each other for granted

Remember the relationship I described in the beginning, it takes all of these attributes and more if you want to have a great relationship, a loving relationship, and a healthy relationship. It’s not hard, it’s not impossible, it takes work, and two people who want to be together and who want to put in the time and energy, and that’s what couples who have great relationships have in common.

Expert Q&A

What are some effective communication strategies for couples?

Anne Duvaux

Coach

Expert Answer

One of the most effective communication strategies is the non-violent framework which encourages you to shift from "you do this or that" to "I observe x, and I feel y." The latter approach is softer and is less easy to confuse with blame. It also encourages collaboration on whatever problem is happening. Another important aspect is to pay attention to the "scripts we play". This comes from work done by psychologists Eric Berne and Claude Steiner that tells us that we unconsciously ask for things that we need within a couple. These asks are also often unconsciously responded to or ignored. A good technique is to become more aware of these moments so that you can both be clearer in your communication and get what you both need. The Gottman Institute has more recently renamed this into "bids for connections" which you can easily search online.

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Dr LaWanda N Evans Licensed Professional Counselor

Dr. LaWanda N. Evans specializes in helping couples build and maintain a healthy, loving, lasting, strong relationship. She teaches couples how to communicate to be heard and understood, how to manage conflicts and find solutions to the most difficult problems affecting their relationship, using the... Read more Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach. She provides relationship counseling, education, and development that focuses on improving communication, managing conflicts, affair recover, and premarital counseling and education. Dr. Evans is a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor, Healthy Relationship Expert, Relationship Therapist, Speaker and Author.  Read less

(LaWanda N is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Dallas)