Marriages are based on open communication, trust, and a common goal.
Love, romance, and other sweet unicorns and rainbows lose their novelty after the first few years and are eventually replaced by security and comfort.
But If your partner is always lying to you, then that foundation of comfort and security is replaced with doubt.
Communication is worthless, and there is no trust.
Lying in marriage cracks the bond that makes the marriage whole. It’s not easy to figure out how to deal with a liar.
Most would deny it even in the face of insurmountable evidence.
Why partners lie in marriages
There are white lies and blatant lies.
They are both detrimental to relationships. Some women do not want to hear some words from their husbands, such as they gained weight, or they are no longer as desirable as they once were. They feel hurt and offended. They would rather hear white lies than face the truth that their husbands are starting to notice little things that come with age.
A lot of men who lie in relationships do it to prevent a fight.
They eventually develop the impression that women are not interested in the truth. They would rather live in their perfect world than be told that their breasts are no longer perky, and their stretch marks are unsightly.
So they lie for the sake of world peace.
But there are consequences of lying in a relationship. Even little white lies designed to save peace on earth. The first and most important reason is, husbands or partners in general, start to believe that it is better to lie than point out an ugly truth. They eventually begin to lie about other things.
Women would answer and say they would rather know that their husbands went to a “company dinner” with an attractive coworker than not know about it and find out later.
But if you gave your husband/partner the impression that letting them know things that would offend you from their mouths always start a huge argument, most people would rather avoid saying it and save the trouble altogether.
They would argue that a “meeting” with a blonde bombshell and their weight are two different things. It is not. Men are conceptual and not object-specific. If you establish the concept of “tell me shit, and I’ll give you shit.” They will use that pattern in everything.
How to deal with liars
When your spouse lies, the objective is always the same. They do not want you to know to avoid an argument. This is true whether they are talking about your new hairstyle or another woman. They want to save themselves the trouble of having to deal with you and your reaction to the truth.
So before you consider yourself a victim of being lied to in a relationship, think first if you have brought it upon yourself. If you are the type to go ballistic over every little thing, then your partner will react by lying to your face.
They feel that you and your “moods” are not worth the trouble, and it’s best that you do not know and save the entire family the additional stress.
If your partner is blatantly lying to your face and you have done nothing to assure them that telling the truth will only start a World War, then there is another problem.
Dealing with lying in a relationship is a complicated matter.
A lying spouse is either saving you the trouble of a fight or really messing up with your head.
The first is respect. If you want to stop lying in a relationship, then you would also need to respect their opinion. Even their opinion is offensive to you, such as your choice of clothing makes you look like trashy or your mother’s meatloaf taste like salted rubber, then you would need to make changes.
If you are serious about how to stop lying in a relationship, then you need to be ready for the truth, irrespective of its magnitude. Before you figure out how to confront a lying spouse, you should prepare for what they say, when they actually tell you the truth.
How to fix a relationship after lying
Now that you know the truth, your husband no longer finds you attractive or is flirting with the babysitter next door, what next? Divorce? Pack and leave? Is that what you really want?
A majority of the time, how to deal with a lying husband is not really a problem. Learning the truth is the real reason why people lie. They want to avoid the difficulties that would arise if their partners learn the truth, they would rather lie than expose themselves.
Liars are aware of the consequences of their partners finding out the truth.
The question is, are you?
A lot of women are coerced by feminism and other equality mumbo-jumbo that catching a lying husband/partner is a win for womankind.
Idealists would say that they are ready to face the music if their partner is honest with them, marriage is about challenging the hardships of the world together.
What if your husband lies because your sister or a close friend consistently hit on your husband? Can you face it together? Would you be able to? Leaving a cheating loser like that is a good thing, but would it be the best option for your children? Will you and your family be able to face the gossip and embarrassment?
If you want to know how to deal with being lied to in a relationship, then decide if you are the type who would rather have a lying spouse and convince yourself everything is fine, or would you rather know that your partner is actually gay, and he only stays married to you because he wants to stick to the societal norms.
Pathological liars aside, there’s one common reason why you may have a lying spouse. They believe you are not equipped to know the truth. They want to save everyone the trouble of going through hell on earth from what you would do if you find out things about them (or you) that would turn your world upside down.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.