20 Things Cheaters Say When Confronted

If you listen to the things cheaters say when confronted, you will be shocked to your bones. When confronting a cheating spouse, and they are guilty, you will be surprised at the outrageous lies and statements they give.

When confronting a cheater, you have to guard your heart because they will say things that can hurt you more. 

Not everyone who is caught cheating denies it; some accept their mess and try to make amends. Others will say different things to cover it up and cause more hurt to their partner.

If you see cheaters’ behavior patterns in your partner, it is best to anticipate what they will say when you confront them. This step will make you know how to react best when sorting things out with your cheating partner.

So read on to learn about the typical things cheaters say when confronted.

Related Reading: Things to Ask for from Your Cheating Partner

20 excuses cheaters give when they are confronted

When cheaters are confronted, they give different excuses for their inaction. 

If you are not careful, you will believe them, and they have the leverage to repeat the same mistake. 

When your partner cheats, watch out for any of these excuses below:

1. You have not been close lately

After catching your spouse cheating and they say you have been distant, they are trying to make themselves the victim. This is one of the very common things cheaters say when confronted!

This statement’s essence is to make you feel that they were emotionally starved because of your absence. Some of them will tell you they contributed more to the relationship with their presence than you did.

2. Nothing occurred; it’s your imagination

Many cheaters are manipulative, and when they know you have caught them, they will call you paranoid. 

You will find many of them saying nothing happened and your imaginations are deceiving you. If you catch your spouse cheating and hear any statement related to this, know they are lying.

Related Reading: Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating

3. You never cared about me

A cheating partner can try to turn the tables by blaming you for his inaction. 

They would try to play the victim by stating you didn’t care about them, and they chose to cheat instead. 

This is not an excuse because they would have discussed with you how they were treated. So, beware of such manipulative things cheaters say when confronted with their wrongs, and do not fall for them!

4. I was not in my right mind

If you can finally get them to admit they cheated, they might say they were not in his right mind. People who make this statement try to blame the person they cheated with. 

They can also lie about how they resisted at first but succumbed under pressure.

These are the things cheaters say when confronted to save themselves from their partner’s wrath. They look for such easy and manipulative ways to escape their misdemeanors.

Related Reading: Common Causes of Infidelity in Relationships

5. It is not what it seems

When confronting a cheating spouse after finding out they have been unfaithful, some will tell you it is platonic. They will go further to say that it is unbelievable that you are accusing them of cheating.

Usually, the cheater’s word is to discredit you, but you have to be careful not to be caught in their play.

6. I don’t know why I cheated

If you caught your husband or wife cheating and they tell you they didn’t know why they did it. 

These are the things cheaters say when confronted to confuse you. 

Always be cautious when you hear this because they want to twist your mind and get away with their offense.

Related Reading: Reasons Why Men Cheat in Relationships

7. I’m in love with them, not you

When a cheating spouse is caught, one of the hurtful statements they can make is falling out of love with you. 

You need to be prepared to hear statements like this because they might be honest to a point. If your partner tells you this, you can forgive them, but it is best to go for counseling.

8. I was bored

One of the common things cheaters say when confronted is they were bored. It is not easy for a relationship to maintain the same momentum it started with after a long while. 

Hence, when one of the partners cheat, they use the boredom excuse and further state that things have begun to change.

Also Try: Are You Bored With Your Marriage Quiz

9. I am sorry

If you are wondering why do cheaters get angry when caught, it is because they are not ready to go through the long and strenuous process of reconciliation. 

This is why they will apologize with a single statement, “I am sorry.”

Most times, this statement is an apology for getting caught and not for cheating. 

For them to gain your trust again, they have to work hard for it and act beyond a simple statement. So, be wary of false apologies and other things that cheaters say when confronted!

10. It was just sex

One common behavior after getting caught cheating is the nonchalant attitude. This is why some of them view cheating as having sex and moving on with life. 

They fail to be sensitive to their partners’ feelings, and they will rarely admit their wrongdoings.

Related Reading: Does Sexual Infidelity Mean Your Marriage Is Over?

11. I didn’t intend to hurt you

If you confront a cheater and he tells you this, it is a big lie because it is one of the things cheaters say when confronted. 

Anyone who intends to cheat knows it would hurt you. When people cheat, they are fully conscious of their actions, and you should not be deceived by their excuses.

12. I was sex-starved

Some cheaters will claim they were not getting enough sex from you, and they had to look elsewhere. 

This is an excuse that should not be tolerated because if they were sex-starved, they would have communicated with you.

If someone feels trapped in a sex-starved marriage, they should seek help and get the issue sorted.

Also Try: Sex-starved Marriage Quiz

13.  It will not happen again

It is very hard to restore trust when it has been broken. If your cheating partner tells you it won’t happen again, don’t take their word for it. 

Ensure they are deliberate about their actions, and they must prove it to you before you can accept them.

14. You cheated first

This is one of the shocking statements that cheaters say when they are found out. If you do a little investigation, you will discover their claims are not profound. 

For example, if they saw a flirty message on your phone from someone else, they could use that as their excuse to cheat.

Related Reading: Who Cheats More in Relationships – Men or Women?

15. You need to trust me

When you discover one of the signs of a cheater, some of them might try gaslighting you. Even though it is evident, they broke your trust. 

They will try to coerce you into trusting them again. 

When someone’s trust is broken in the light of cheating, it takes time, patience, forgiveness, and commitment to rebuilding the trust.

16. I’m not happy with the marriage/relationship

One of the signs he is lying when confronted is his supposed unhappiness with the marriage/relationship. 

Usually, they make this statement when they are out of excuses to give. Also, they will point out flaws in the relationship that made them cheat.

These are things that cheaters say when confronted. But, if they had intentions to save the relationship, they would have tried to bring the issues to your attention well in advance. 

Cheating cannot be an immediate solution to any lingering issues in the relationship.

Also Try: Are You In An Unhappy Relationship Quiz

17. It happened just once

Some people use this statement to justify their cheating habits. Even though they cheated more than once, they lie to reduce the gravity of their offense. 

Someone who cheats once has broken their partner’s trust, and it takes a lot of work to restore this trust.

18. Nothing physical occurred

Some people don’t know that cheating is not only physical; it can be emotional. 

If you are spending time with someone else and caring about them more than your partner, you are cheating with them. 

The act of investing your emotions continuously into someone other than your partner is cheating.

If your partner says nothing physical occurred, things can still be sorted out. Ensure both of you see a relationship counselor.

Related Reading: What Is an Emotional Affair? Is Your Partner Having One?

19. You don’t understand me

If you notice some cheating behavior patterns and you are suspecting, it is best to confront them. 

One of the common excuses they would give is your inability to understand them fully. They will claim that the person they cheated with understands them better than you. 

Related Reading: Do You Really Understand Your Partner? 

20.  It should stay in the past

If your cheating partner continues to restate the fact that it happened in the past and should not be brought to the present, they are not ready to change. 

Anyone willing to turn a new leaf from cheating must revisit the past, draw the needed lesson and make amends for their wrongdoings.

Related Reading: Why Do People Cheat in Relationships?

Frequently asked questions

Now that you know the common things cheaters say when confronted with their wrongdoings, you must also know how to tackle such a complex situation.

Here are listed a few frequently asked questions. These questions should be able to answer most of your doubts and show you a way out of this distressing scenario.

• What should I do when my cheating partner refuses to apologize?

If you catch your partner cheating and they refuse to own up, it is advisable to leave them because they will repeat the same thing.

Also, you may seek a counselor’s help to make the right decision.

• What can I do if my cheating partner is defensive?

It is normal for cheaters to act defensively because it is difficult for them to fight their way out. 

If your cheating partner acts defensive, present them with facts and tell them things they could have done rather than cheat.

• Do cheaters lie?

Cheating is an unfaithful act, and this act is a lie. 

Once your partner cheats on you, they ought to have lied to you.

• What can I say to my cheating spouse after catching them cheating?

Wondering what to say to a husband who cheated or a wife is usually a challenge for most people. 

When you catch a cheating spouse, one of the primary things you do is to get them to admit their wrongdoings. Then, you can ask them for the reasons behind their inactions.

If you are ready to forgive them, you need to know why they cheated.

Counselor Grady Shumway highlights,

How to prepare to talk to them: Prepare for the conversation by clarifying your intentions, staying calm, and choosing a suitable time and place for the discussion. Approach the conversation with empathy, active listening, and a willingness to validate your spouse’s perspective, aiming for open communication and mutual understanding.

• Can I trust my cheating partner again?

Yes, it is possible, and it depends on you. 

However, you have to ensure your partner is ready to put in the work and be 100% real with you.

• How can I build trust again?

One way to build trust after discovering your partner cheated is to set up good communication structures. 

Both parties must be ready to resolve any issue before it progresses to a problem. Usually, when people cheat, they give flimsy excuses. 

However, if these excuses have been resolved via effective communication, cheating won’t be an occurrence.

Grady Shumway states that,

Rebuilding trust requires consistent honesty, transparency, and accountability from both parties, along with patience and compassion as the healing process unfolds. It’s essential to communicate openly, set realistic expectations, and prioritize actions that demonstrate reliability and integrity to foster the gradual restoration of trust in the relationship.

Related Reading: FAQs to Help You Rebuild Trust After Cheating

• How can I know if my partner is lying about extramarital affairs?

One of the common signs is acting secretive with their phone. If they deny you access to their phone, they are hiding something. 

Also, if they excuse themselves from making calls or sending text messages, something fishy is going on. 

You should be observant and note any strange behavior they put up before confronting them.

Related Reading: Extramarital Affairs: Types, Reasons, and Consequences

Conclusion

This guide answers common questions people ask, like how to tell if someone is lying about cheating, amongst others.

 If you confront a cheater, and they use any of the words above, know that it is likely they never change.

Cheaters rarely admit their wrongdoings as they prefer to play the victim card to make you forgive them easily. Don’t be in a hurry; instead, take your time to ensure they are deliberate about their apology.

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Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less

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