Gaslighting is one of the tools a sociopath uses to control other individuals, especially their intimate partners, and mold them into someone they desire. They do it by slowly manipulating their mindset and the information they receive. It is a one person propaganda machine.
It is not easy to deal with gaslighting – how to deal with gaslighting is, undoubtedly, a process one needs to understand if your partner frequently resorts to gaslighting during any argument in your relationship.
Like all propaganda machines, it is a carefully planned attack on the psyche to create mindless automatons.
Gaslighting in a relationship is done on a smaller scale to create a docile and obedient partner.
Reasons why a partner would resort to gaslighting in a relationship
Since healthy relationships rely on each other, it isn’t a surprise that they follow each other’s advice. They cooperate on their goals and pool their resources.
It is the belief of most people to help each other, and if that is too impractical, we should at least help those that are close to us. Given that, it shouldn’t be necessary to play tricks to get someone close to do us favors. But some people still resort to gaslighting and other means of control.
Such conditions make it difficult for the partner at the receiving end to skillfully deal with gaslighting – how to deal with gaslighting; therefore, calls for some expert advice.
Healthy relationships give each partner the right to say no.
That right is unconditional with no strings attached. Gaslights want to keep that right, but don’t want their partner to have any. You may think it doesn’t sound fair, well it’s not, that’s the point.
Gaslighting is a method manipulative partners use to control the relationship. There are low-handed people who don’t want an equal relationship with their partners. So, it is up to the partner at the receiving end to learn how to deal with gaslighting in a relationship.
The moment you realize you are intimate with a potential gaslighter, but you want to keep the relationship, here is some advice on how to deal with gaslighting abuse.
1. Privately verify their information
Gaslights are pathological liars.
They will blatantly lie in your face without blinking an eye. They will violently react when confronted about them, so it’s best to make your own private judgment while verifying the information.
2. Do not argue back
Gaslights are great at rationalizing.
They are experts in the use of argumentative fallacies and will never let you have the last word. Unlike a courtroom where there are two opposing lawyers and a neutral judge, it is just between you and an experienced liar.
There is no good ending arguing with a gas lighter. So, it is better to learn how to deal with gaslighting husband/wife skillfully.
3. Ground yourself
One of the most important defenses on how to deal with gaslighting in a relationship is to keep your individual identity.
A gaslighter will try to destroy your perception and the world you built for yourself.
They will use hints, doubts, and gossip to breakdown your foundations. Keeping things that matter to you outside your relationship, but close and protected prevents the gaslighter from achieving their goal.
Gaslighting is just a means to an end.
Spouses and partners who resort to gaslighting is just using one of the many tools in their arsenal to control their relationship. There is only one reason why anyone would want to do that – power. They are greedy bastards who always want more than what people can give.
How to deal with a gaslighting spouse
A lot of people dated for a short time before getting married. Love, romance, and a lot of other reasons made couples jump the gun, and sometimes it’s the right choice.
But sometimes it is not, you don’t know enough about the person before you married them and you end up cohabiting with a controlling sociopath.
The difference between gaslighting and other underhanded methods of control is that the former process is slow and subtle. Gaslighting plants doubts in your fundamental beliefs and let it grow. They slowly destroy the foundation of your individuality to turn you into a slave that relies on them for all your decision-making faculties.
If you think of Military training as a direct attack on the individual psyche to create a lean, mean, killing machine, gaslighting is a more subtle version of it.
There are plenty of reasons why the military does it, reasons we will not discuss here so as not to steer away from the topic. Gaslighters do it so they can control the lives of individuals and use them for their own motives.
Dealing with them is a tricky business, The first and hardest part is realizing that your partner is gaslighting you. Because that particular method is slow and subtle, most people would not notice it happening.
The problem is the longer you don’t notice it, the more damage is done to your psyche. You do wish to deal with gaslighting – how to deal with gaslighting without damaging your own well-being?
You might tend to ignore your gaslighter partner. But, if you pick up on it early, here are the steps you should take in dealing with one.
- Privately verify his background Information – Gaslighters are born scammers. Make sure the person you married is truly who they say they are.
- Self assess your own personality – Gaslighting slowly change your morals to fit the needs of your spouse. Make sure you didn’t make any large compromises for the sake of keeping the relationship together.
- Contact your friends and family – Do not tell them about your situation, but it’s important you stay connected with people who will be there for you if things get bad. They are also people with a similar mindset as you, they will notice if you changed.
- Calmly say ‘No’ – If you feel you are being forced into making a decision that’s against your principles, learn to say no. Expect your spouse to try different methods to change your mind.
- Reason out your Judgement – It’s possible that you are overreacting and your spouse is just trying to help you become a better person. If they are willing to listen and adjust for you, then it’s possible you are just paranoid and imagining your spouse is gaslighting you. However, if they refuse to lose an argument and become physical, things will start to become dangerous.
- Consult a professional – Once the domestic violence line has been crossed, it will only get worse from there. However, going straight to law enforcement may exacerbate the situation, especially if it only happened once. Consult with a therapist or counselor on how to deal with a gaslighting husband with violent tendencies.
Few situations are irreversible and few partners are adjustable
It’s not easy how to deal with gaslighting.
Most situations are irreversible, and unless your partner is willing to change for your sake, it will only get worse as time goes by. Make sure to keep your wits about you, protect the children, if any, and hopefully, the gaslighter hasn’t turned them against you.
Most people will try their best to save the relationship, but remember, it will only work if both partners are willing to change their toxic personalities. Otherwise, you are just delaying the inevitable.