Why is it higher the second time around? Could be many factors, but one could be that since a person in the marriage has already gone through a divorce, the option seems available and not as scary.
Obviously, it doesn’t mean your marriage will end, just that it is more likely to than a first.
3. First marriage baggage
If the person in the second marriage who was married before didn’t have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t a little wounded.
Relationships are hard, and if things go wrong we get hurt. That’s life. We may also learn that if we don’t want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments.
That kind of baggage can be detrimental to a second marriage and undermine any benefits of being the second wife.
Some children may not be very accepting of a new mother or father figure, and so instilling values or upholding rules may prove difficult.
This can make for a challenging home life from day today. Even if children are more or less accepting, the ex more than likely won’t be ok with the new person in their child’s life.
Even extended family like grandparents, and aunts and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual “parent” of the other person’s biological child.
5. A second marriage gets serious quick
Many first marriages start out with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life.
The world is their oyster. They dream big. Every possibility seems available to them. But over the years, as we get in our 30s and 40s, we mature and realize that life just happens, no matter if you plan for other things.
Second marriages are like that. Second marriages are like the mature version of you getting married again.
You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached.
6. Financial issues
A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt; but what about a marriage that ends?
That tends to bring with it even more debt and insecurities.
There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. Divorce can be an expensive proposition.
Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. All of that financial mess can translate into a financially difficult second marriage.
There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. It can be challenging when you expect those normally happen times of the year to be a certain way, but then they aren’t so much.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.