Four Signs That Therapy for Cheaters Is Not Working

For any betrayed spouse, (who is hopeful that everything can be repaired in their marriage after cheating and life can return to a new kind of normal after your partner attends therapy for cheaters) it’s so reassuring when your spouse agrees to attend therapy or couples counseling.  

Even the therapy for cheaters who repeatedly offend can be a reassuring sign, because, well, you are getting somewhere now.

It doesn’t matter if you have had to engineer the process, by working their schedule around their appointments to create space in their diary, for their therapy appointment.  

Nor does it matter if you had to physically drive them to the therapy for cheaters appointment and check them into reception yourself, you’ll still be delighted that they are doing something to help rebuild what you once had – if only they didn’t cheat!  

Perceived sign of willingness to change

The fact that they are even attending therapy for cheaters is a sign that they want to change, and make things better

Yes, your hopes and optimism refuse to realize the reality that you practically courted them into therapy even though your spouse has shown no desire or enthusiasm to address their cheating ways.

Now, this should have been an alarm from the offset, but when we love somebody, we are too emotionally invested to think of any other option.  

Your spouse needs therapy for cheaters, and that’s what they will have for the sake of your emotions and (don’t shoot the messenger) denial over the state of your marriage and commitment to each other.  

It’s time to stop and smell the coffee  

Would your cheater be attending, or even considering their therapy for cheaters if you didn’t practically drag them there by the scruff of their neck?  

Here are some signs that will tell you whether therapy for cheaters is really helping your marriage, or if it’s time to book yourself into some therapy to prepare for a new life with somebody who can respect you and won’t cheat here are the clues;

1.) You scheduled the appointment

If your partner didn’t book the appointment for their therapy and they weren’t nudging you and asking you if you could book the appointment because they were genuinely busy. 

In fact, if they didn’t turn their schedule around to meet the appointment schedule of the therapist, then this should be a big warning sign.

If you are initiating the therapy for cheaters from the offset, your spouse is not as invested in the recovery process as you are, and they probably don’t respect your needs, opinions, or the marriage (for that matter) enough.  

2.) They don’t do the homework

Did your therapist give your spouse some practical instructions as homework?  

Perhaps they were to answer some questions, ask you some questions, maybe purchase a book, or write a letter to you. Maybe they have suggested that they express themselves to you and how they feel about you.

But … crickets!

They just don’t do it; they’ll pretend there was no homework, and create a zillion reasons why they don’t need to do the therapy for cheaters homework, some of which you’ll believe probably.  

Here’s the thing; They cheated, possibly more than once and now they are not doing the homework that can make or break your marriage. This also equates to they can’t be bothered, and they are not invested in fixing a thing, or they don’t value your marriage as much as you do.  

Ask yourself, what excuse can they have that is way more important than working on their marriage, and you’ll probably find the answer is not what you want to hear.  But it’s one that you need to understand.

3.) They don’t tell the truth

In some cases, they even believe in their own lies.

If you start your therapy for cheaters by participating in a dose of couples therapy, you’ll know if they are lying or not because you live with them.

Perhaps you’ve become accustomed to the ways that your spouse manipulates the truth occasionally, but are they really going to do this now when you are in therapy for cheaters and trying to rebuild trust?  

If they are, then you know that this is going to be something they’ll continue to do.  

But they don’t have to continue to do it to you.  You have the power to choose!

4.) They use therapy for cheaters to manipulate you more

Oh, how you must admire the smart spouse you have, their ability to manipulate is an expression of high intelligence but not necessarily high emotional intelligence, let’s make this very clear.  

If your spouse uses therapy to further their agenda and mess with your head more than they already have done, then you really don’t have to hang around for the pleasure of getting messed about again.  

If your spouse justifies cheating, or their behavior in any way because you don’t like to do something, or that they didn’t think you’d want to do something, so they just took the babysitter instead.  

Stop and rethink this.  It’s not your fault; you are not responsible for your cheating spouse.

Wrapping up

If you’ve made it to the end of this page, and have been acknowledging that these points are very real for you, congratulations for trying to help your marriage by supporting your partner with therapy for cheaters.

You are one of a kind and a totally committed and loveable person that just needs to find somebody who will love and respect you more than your spouse currently does.  You’ve got this.