How to know if your spouse is cheating? Sometimes you know, and sometimes you don’t. When infidelity happens in a marriage or other committed relationship, one of the worst parts of it is all the lies.
First, realize that there are many ways to cheat, and there are many signs of a cheating partner in a relationship. There are emotional infidelity signs, and then there are physical infidelity signs.
There doesn’t seem to be a huge difference between infidelity signs in a woman or infidelity signs in a man; though each person is different. Trust your gut.
Some cheating partners do end up telling their significant other, but many don’t. So how do you how to find out if your spouse is cheating or not?
If you suspect something is going on with your significant other, here are 6 signs your partner is cheating on you.
1. Your partner acts shady
This is a pretty general statement because what is shady to one person may not be shady to the next person. You know your partner best. Is he or she suddenly acting… weird? Secretive? Angry? Giddy?
Changes in mood and behavior are good indications that something is going on. Now you need to find out what. If your partner is becoming more emotionally invested in another person, then he or she may become closed off and share less with you.
If your partner is becoming physically intimate with another person, he or she may want to spend less intimate time with you. The key sign of a cheating spouse here is that your partner is acting out of the ordinary.
It could be stress, but it could be something more as well.
2. Electronic devices become more hidden
Another sign your spouse is cheating on you is when they keep their electronic devices hidden or locked away.
When cheating happens, the guilty party will want to cover their tracks—especially if they are communicating frequently with another person.
This can happen with just emotional infidelity when your spouse is falling for someone else and communicating a lot, or it could happen with physical infidelity because they need to set up meeting times.
That is why when infidelity happens, electronic devices suddenly become more scarce at home. Where is his or her cell phone? Why is it password protected?
The same goes for the laptop, desktop, tablet, or other devices that may have access to personal information.
It may be a good idea to download the text and phone records of the last cell cycle to see if there is one odd number that pops up.
But even then, they may be communicating strictly via Facebook or an app that isn’t connected with a phone number. If you ask your partner about seeing their phone and they are completely defensive, that’s a red flag.
Even if you do have access to their Facebook or email accounts, it’s pretty easy to set up fake accounts that you may not even realize are there.
3. Your partner uses cash or a secret card
Suddenly his or her financial transactions aren’t public records. For some reason, he doesn’t want you to know where things have been purchased or exactly what has been purchased.
If you two used to be more open with finances and suddenly your partner is using cash or a separate card (that you don’t have access to), then there is a reason.
Your spouse may be trying to hide something. Perhaps there are secret lunches or dinners with someone else who they are falling for emotionally? Or maybe a secret hotel room for a physical affair? Maybe even gifts?
If you do find receipts and ask about them, your partner’s demeanor may be very telling. Usually, spouses may say, “Oh that was for a client.” Which may be true, or it may not be.
Definitely a sign of a cheating spouse or a red flag if it’s out of the ordinary and he or she is secretive about it.
4. Your loved one makes excuses to go out alone or “With friends”
Maybe he or she is suddenly always “late coming home from work” or Wednesday nights at the gym are a little longer than usual. Perhaps there is a new weekly poker night with friends.
These could be legitimate, but overall it just feels off. You should ask, why are you seeing less and less of your partner? It could be legitimate, but if your partner gets snippy even when you just ask about what they are doing, that’s a red flag.
It’s not that you need to know exactly where they are at all times, but it’s just that you get the feeling they aren’t being 100% honest with you.
Your partner may be trying to get alone time with another person they are more emotionally or physically invested in.
5. Your partner is less emotionally and physically available
A relationship takes a lot of effort, and so if your significant other is offering his or her emotional or physical love to someone else, there may not be much left for you.
That’s why when someone cheats, they will typically be less emotionally and physically available to their spouse or partner.
6. Emotional extremes start happening
If your significant other is suddenly acting super nice all the time even when certain things used to annoy them, or if they are more angry with you over trivial things, then that is another red flag.
Emotional extremes are usually the result of overwhelming guilt. Your partner may be doing something they know is wrong, and they either feel bad about it or are masking it with anger.
If you suspect your partner may be cheating on you, the best thing you can do is talk about it. Bring up the above signs you have been seeing in a very calm way.
This is definitely not a subject anyone wants to bring up, but it’s better to know sooner than later. You deserve to know the truth, and you deserve to be treated with respect.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.