The struggle to run back into the arms of the one you love and heal a relationship after a fight doesn’t necessarily signal the death of the relationship. Sometimes, it is a result of one or more factors stemming from either of the lovebirds.
In any case, a quick look at these statistics, coupled with the knowledge that relationships/marriages take a lot of work and commitment to work, reveals that if you intend to enjoy a long and happy relationship with your partner, reconnecting after a big fight is a necessary skill to learn.
With these in perspective, here are a few reasons why you should reconnect after a big fight.
During the process of reconnecting after a big fight, your relationship tends to get stronger and better. This is because you now know your partner better than you used to, and the reason for which the disagreement came up most likely wouldn’t surface again because you now know better.
This doesn’t mean that you have to do an Instagram live where you talk about your partner and how ‘horrible’ they are. It simply means that sometimes, you may need to talk to someone you love and respect about what’s going on. However, ensure that the situation absolutely calls for this.
5. Get rid of the bad emotions; make yourself happy
Fights with your loved one are usually accompanied by negative emotions; anger, pain, and hurt. As long as these remain unchecked within, you’re going to stay distant from your partner.
One way to calm down after a fight is by making yourself happy.
Resolving a big fight is no walk in the park. However, reconnecting after a big fight begins with understanding your partner and knowing that because of your individual differences, fights may come up in your relationship at some point.
When you have settled these, you also need to bear in mind that it takes commitment and patience to work things out. To repair a relationship after a fight, both parties must be actively involved and willing to work things out (especially if what caused the fight was a significant difference).
If one person is the one doing all the work, reconnecting after a big fight would be almost impossible, if not out of reach.
With these in context, here’s how to reconnect with your partner after a big fight
10 ways of reconnecting after a big fight with your spouse
These strategies won’t only work for you if the person in question is who you are married to. If you are in a serious relationship and you want to work things out, these strategies should work for you as well.
If you have been fighting a lot, your mind probably has come to associate your partner with negative feelings, and you may have even started seeing them as a trigger.
If this is the case, step away from their vicinity for a while. If you have moved in together, you may want to consider moving back to your place (even if it is for a while). This space would help you achieve a lot of things.
This is what you should spend most of your ‘alone’ time doing. When you have put some space between yourselves, take out time to unpack yourself emotionally and mentally. Ask yourself some of the hard questions like what (exactly) you’re feeling and why you feel that way.
Reconnecting after a fight is almost impossible if you haven’t yet come to terms with your feelings.
3. Have a real conversation about it
This is not the time to give cryptic, one-worded answers when your partner reaches out to ask how you feel. This is the time to lay out all your cards on the table.
While doing this, do not play the blame game because it can destroy your relationship. Rather, come clean and tell them what they did that hurt you. Be sure to listen to them at the same time. Healing conversations after fights make all the difference.
4. Take cognizance of the points your partner raised
Yes. More often than not, you would need to say the three magic words, “I am sorry.”
Apologizing after a big fight lets your partner know that you value their feelings and can also help soothe the pain/hurt they may be experiencing. Also, if your partner apologizes to you, try to accept their apologies with your whole heart.
7. Prioritize your relationship
One way of reconnecting after a big fight with your partner is to prioritize the relationship. For a while, drop aside all other priorities and just spend some time with them.
This gesture helps them understand that you still value them, and also helps your mind get reacquainted with all the good and lovely feelings they make you feel.
8. Forgive yourself as well
Sometimes, we focus all our attention on obtaining the other person’s forgiveness, that we fail to forgive ourselves or see the importance of doing so. In the heat of anger, you may have behaved in a way you didn’t like or said things you wish you could take back.
Once you have apologized to your partner and they have forgiven you, it is up to you to let go of the mistakes you made. Forgiving yourself is difficult, but you can achieve it in about 9 different ways.
9. Don’t make your partner feel pressured
Not everyone reacts to hurt and pain the same way.
If your partner is one who feels deeply and would rather take their time to open up to you again after a big fight, try not to compound issues by placing undue pressure on them to return to the way things used to be.
Take some time to acknowledge what has happened and give them all the space they need to do the same. While reconnecting after a big fight, you don’t want to make your partner feel undue pressure.
10. Talk to a professional
Depending on the severity of the fight and what has transpired, you may want to enlist the services of a professional to help you sort through your emotions and feelings.
This would help you determine the path that makes the most sense and can also catalyze your journey to healing and couple wholeness.
Reconnecting after a big fight with your spouse or partner takes a lot of commitment and work from both parties. However, the bond you would establish and the love you’ll share after this makes an effort worthwhile.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.