11 Things to Do if You Are Confused in a Relationship

Are you feeling confused about your relationship lately?

Relationship confusion can be frustrating. Maybe you aren’t sure if the person you’re dating is the one, or perhaps you are unsure of where you stand with the person you’ve gone to dinner with a few times.

Whatever your scenario is, if you are feeling unsure about your relationship, there are things you can do to address your concerns. 

What type of love are you looking for?

If you have been dealing with ongoing confusion about relationships, it may be that you have not taken the time to evaluate what type of love you are looking for.

If you are seeking a lasting commitment, perhaps you are pairing up with people who are interested in only casual relationship.

If this is the case, you may be feeling confused in a relationship simply because you are in a different place than the people you are dating.

On the other hand, you could also be rushing into relationships. If you are so set on finding lasting love and commitment that you are trying to force relationships, this could leave you settling for the wrong partner and feeling confused about your relationship.

If you are looking for a lasting commitment, it is important to be patient and recognize that the process may take some time.

You may feel some conflicting feelings in relationships, but this is part of exploring who you are and what you want from a partner.

Another important thing to consider is whether you are simply looking for love in the form of friendships. It is entirely possible to experience platonic love for friends.

If this is the type of love you’re after, you may be looking to spend a considerable portion of your free time together but not have any sexual or romantic interest in this person. Sometimes, you may confuse platonic love for romantic love, which can lead to mixed feelings.

Perhaps you are satisfied with just experiencing platonic love in the form of close friendships. 

What does it mean to be confused in a relationship?

Sometimes, even if you are clear about what type of relationship you want, you may still feel the confusion. At times, you may be unable to tell if you are experiencing love or only chaos.

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker,

Confusion in relationships is a term used to describe a situation in which emotional, social, and communicative dynamics between individuals are characterized by uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity. Confusion is often greater when roles and responsibilities between individuals are not clearly defined, and this can lead to emotional insecurity, anxiety, conflict and dissatisfaction.

Wondering, “Why am i confused about my feelings for someone?” Here are some things to evaluate to determine whether you are in love or merely have confused feelings for someone or emotionally confused in a relationship.

• Do you feel close to this person?

If you have mixed emotions in your relationship, assess how close you feel to this person.

If you are developing love for this person or are in love, you should feel a sense of deep closeness to them, in which you want to share your thoughts and feelings with them.

You may have some fluctuations in your feelings, but generally, if you are in love, your feelings of closeness and connection will be stable over time.

• Do you have significantly positive feelings about who this person is?

With friendships, we may admire someone’s positive qualities, but with love, it is much deeper, and you find yourself feeling positive about all of this person’s traits.

For instance, you may come to feel enamored with your partner’s quirks and unique personality traits. If you find yourself feeling rather enamored, chances are, this is love.

If, on the other hand, you don’t feel a deep sense of enchantment for your partner, you may be experiencing confusion, and this is a person who may not be right for you.

• Do you have things in common with this person? 

If you think you might be feeling confused about love, it is time to analyze whether you have anything in common with the person you are dating. Indeed, people in healthy relationships may have different interests, but your values should generally be similar.

You may have some disagreements, but if you disagree on everything, love may not be possible. You should also have similar goals in terms of children and marriage.

If you are feeling confused in a relationship, it may be because you and your partner just don’t have anything in common.

7 glaring signs you’re in a confusing relationship

Even if you want a relationship to work, you may be in a confusing relationship. Here are 7 key signs:

1. You spend a significant amount of time over-analyzing

If you’re in a confusing relationship, you may be unsure about how your partner feels, which can cause you to experience anxiety and question the relationship.

You may spend hours ruminating over your partner’s actions and behaviors, and you may replay conversations in your head over and over, trying to determine if your partner is really interested in you.

2. You feel you aren’t able to be yourself

If you feel anxious about how you behave around your partner, this may be a sign of confusion in a relationship.

You may be concerned that your partner will not accept you for who you are, so you begin to hide aspects of yourself. Ultimately, you should feel comfortable letting your guard down and freely expressing yourself with your partner.

Psychologist Mert Şeker observes that,

Failure to recognize oneself in a relationship can lead to confusion, where one experiences uncertainty about one’s own identity and emotional state. This may occur when one person in the relationship feels forced to suppress their own values, needs, or goals, or when they have to make changes in line with their partner’s expectations.

This type of confusion can undermine a person’s self-confidence, leading to problems such as emotional distress, anxiety, and lack of self-esteem.

3. You feel as if you do not enjoy time together

If you dread time with your partner or feel that you do not have fun together, you may be in a confusing relationship.

Time spent with someone you love should be enjoyable, and you shouldn’t feel like you are trying to force yourself to have a good time.

 If you don’t enjoy time with the person you’re dating, it may be that you just aren’t compatible, or you don’t have enough common interests, which isn’t a good sign in a relationship.

You might also feel like you are “faking it” with your partner if you do not enjoy time together, and this indeed shows that you are confused about your relationship.

4. Your relationship is centered on drama

Sometimes the allure in a relationship is entirely based on excitement, and drama can keep things exciting.

Maybe your partner has drama with a past lover and comes to you as an advisor and source of support. Or, perhaps you are dealing with an intensely personal situation, and your partner is a source of support.

Whatever the case, if your relationship thrives on drama, you may be confused about your relationship because it isn’t about love but about the mutual connection you have built through the conflict.

You must look for the conspicuous signs to help you determine if you are in a healthy or unhealthy relationship. It’s only after a proper analysis that you would be able to reach a justifiable conclusion.

5. You feel compelled to fix your partner

Another sign of feeling confused about love is if you are convinced you need to fix your partner or rescue them. Perhaps your partner is depressed or dealing with a terrible personal situation.

Suppose you jump in to nurture your partner through the situation. In that case, you may actually be fulfilling a childhood need to protect someone else in your life instead of actually experiencing love for your partner.

If your relationship has revolved around you helping your partner resolve some unfortunate circumstance, you may have to deal with mixed emotions in your relationship.

Psychologist Mert Şeker determined that,

There may be some indicators to understand that instead of feeling true love in a relationship, you are trying to meet emotional needs that were not met in childhood through a partner. This can start with realizing that your relationship with your partner has an addiction-like quality, where you feel incomplete without his or her support and attention.

It may also be determined by the realization that your relationship is one in which you are constantly seeking approval and love, but are unable to form a true connection. When you feel incomplete without the support of another person, it may indicate that you are carrying traces of past emotional inadequacies.

6. Communication breakdown

A lack of clear and open communication is a significant red flag in any relationship. If you and your partner struggle to effectively communicate your thoughts, feelings, and expectations, it can lead to confusion and misunderstandings. 

You may find yourselves constantly misinterpreting each other’s actions or intentions, leading to frustration and uncertainty about where you stand in the relationship.

7. Mixed signals

Another sign of a confusing relationship is when your partner sends mixed signals or behaves inconsistently. They might exhibit contradictory behaviors, such as being affectionate one moment and distant the next, or expressing love and commitment verbally but not following through with their actions. 

These mixed signals can leave you feeling confused and unsure about the true nature of your relationship, causing emotional turmoil and uncertainty about your partner’s intentions.

Check out this video to learn more about it:

11 things to do if you’re feeling confused in a relationship

If you have accepted that you are confused about your relationship, there are steps you can take to remedy the situation.

So, what to do when you are confused in a relationship? How to deal with confusion in a relationship? The following five tips can help decide how to deal with mixed emotions about your partner:

1. Give things time

As they say, “Time heals all wounds.” If you are in a relatively new relationship and are experiencing mixed emotions, this may be normal.

It could be that you just need more time to get to know your significant other and decide if you have a true connection as well as interests and values in common. If you have relationship confusion now, give things a few months to settle.

If you still find that you can’t be yourself around your partner or simply don’t have anything in common, it may be time to move on.

2. Talk with your significant other

If you’re feeling confused in a relationship, there is a chance your partner has the same mixed emotions. Sit down and talk.

It could be a simple misunderstanding, and getting on the same page can help you to deal with mixed feelings.

Sometimes, you can even resolve confusion just by taking the time to talk and gain an understanding of each other’s thoughts, desires, and needs.

3. Maintain your own interests and friendships

If you are feeling confused about your relationship, it may be that you are unsure if this person fits into your lifestyle or shares any of your interests.

Instead of focusing entirely on your relationship, be sure to take time to nurture your friendships and pursue your own interests. This can help you to find out if you can still maintain your own identity within this relationship.

If your partner joins you in some of your activities, you may even learn that you have more in common than you realized.

On the other hand, if you find your partner doesn’t support your interests, this may not be the relationship for you.

4. Evaluate whether your relationship is healthy

If you are confused in a relationship, your mixed emotions could be a result of the relationship being unhealthy. Pause to evaluate whether this is the case.

In a healthy relationship, you and your partner should be able to communicate openly and be respectful of each other.

If you are afraid to share your feelings with your partner, or difficult conversations result in name-calling and degrading comments from your partner, the relationship is not healthy. And this indicates that it is time to move on.

5. Recognize that your feelings may be normal

Love can be confusing, whether you are unsure of where your relationship is headed, or you have concerns that your partner might not be the perfect mate for you. If you are experiencing confusion in your relationship, grant yourself some grace.

You may just be experiencing the normal feelings that can sometimes come with romantic relationships.

If you have taken the previous four steps and realize that your relationship is healthy and interests in common with your partner, it may be time to just relax and enjoy the process.

Maybe your confusion is simply the result of overthinking, and you are making your mixed emotions into a bigger deal than they really are. Love can be rewarding, so take some time to experience it without the anxiety.

6. Reflect on your feelings

Take some time to reflect on your own emotions and thoughts about the relationship. Consider what specifically is causing confusion and how it makes you feel. Journaling or talking to a trusted friend or therapist can help you gain insight into your own perspective.

Psychologist Mert Şeker points out,

Considering emotions in a complex relationship has a number of important benefits. First, understanding and appreciating emotions can increase the capacity to understand and resolve emotional dynamics between individuals.

Second, appreciating emotions can enable people to connect more deeply with themselves. Understanding one’s own emotional responses and needs can promote personal growth and increase self-esteem. Finally, thinking about emotions can be an important step in addressing problems in the relationship.

7. Communicate openly

Initiate an open and honest conversation with your partner about your confusion. Share your concerns, doubts, and questions in a non-confrontational manner. Clear and sincere communication can help both of you understand each other’s perspectives and address any underlying issues.

8. Seek perspective

Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist to gain an outside perspective on your relationship. Sometimes, an unbiased opinion can shed light on aspects you may not have considered or help validate your feelings.

9. Set boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries can provide a sense of stability and clarity within the relationship. Communicate your needs and expectations to your partner, and ensure they respect and honor them. Boundaries can help create a healthier dynamic and reduce confusion.

10. Take a break or space

If the confusion persists and becomes overwhelming, consider taking a temporary break or creating space to gather your thoughts and emotions. This break can provide you with the opportunity to evaluate the relationship from a different perspective and gain clarity about your feelings and needs.

11. Trust your intuition

Ultimately, trust your own intuition and instincts. If something feels consistently off or confusing despite your efforts to address it, it may be a sign that the relationship is not aligned with your needs and values. Trusting yourself and your judgment can lead you towards making decisions that are in your best interest.

More questions on feeling confused in a relationship

Check out this section to know more about feeling confused in a relationship:

• Is it love, or is it confusion?

Sometimes our emotions can be tangled, making it hard to differentiate between the two. Self-reflection and introspection can help clarify your true feelings.

• How can I prevent being confused in a relationship in the future?

To prevent confusion in future relationships, focus on self-awareness and clear communication. Set boundaries, express your needs, and ensure compatibility before committing.

• Can confusion in a relationship be temporary?

Confusion in a relationship can indeed be temporary. It may arise due to misunderstandings, stress, or personal issues. Open dialogue, patience, and time can help resolve the confusion and restore clarity.

• What should I do if my confusion is causing me emotional distress?

If confusion is causing emotional distress, prioritize your mental well-being. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals. Engage in self-care activities, gain perspective, and consider therapy if necessary.

• Should I communicate my confusion with my partner?

Communication is key. Sharing your confusion with your partner fosters understanding and empathy. Honest conversations allow both parties to express concerns, seek clarity, and work together towards resolution.

Takeaway

Some confusion about relationships is normal. Perhaps you’re looking for platonic love in the form of close friendships, but you’ve been pressuring yourself to find romance.

Or, maybe, you are so focused on finding true love that you are rushing into relationships and obsessing over every detail of the relationship. Either of these scenarios can lead to confusion in relationships.

Whatever your situation is, if you are dealing with mixed feelings, give yourself some grace.

Take some time to pause and evaluate the situation and enjoy the process as much as possible.

If you continue to experience confusion about your relationship, sit down and have a conversation with your partner, and take some time to evaluate the relationship.

Is this someone you can see yourself growing with overtime? Do you have things in common? Do you look forward to spending time with this person?

If the answers to these questions are yes, then perhaps you’re experiencing normal confusion about your relationship, and things will improve with time.

Even if your mixed feelings lead you to determine that your current relationship isn’t right for you, this doesn’t mean you will never find true love. Part of determining what you want out of a relationship is exploring various relationships, so you can learn what you do and don’t like.

Take time to enjoy dating without feeling pressured to find the perfect relationship right away.

Mixed feelings may just be normal relationship confusion, or they may be an indication that it is time to move on.

Either way, be sure not to put too much pressure on yourself to have the perfect relationship. If you seek romantic love, the right type of love for you will come along, so long as you don’t force it.