Are you feeling confused about your relationship lately?
Relationship confusion can be frustrating. Maybe you aren’t sure if the person you’re dating is the one, or perhaps you are unsure of where you stand with the person you’ve gone to dinner with a few times.
Whatever your scenario is, if you are feeling unsure about your relationship, there are things you can do to address your concerns.
What type of love are you looking for?
If you have been dealing with ongoing confusion about relationships, it may be that you have not taken the time to evaluate what type of love you are looking for.
If you are seeking a lasting commitment, perhaps you are pairing up with people who are interested in only casual relationship.
If this is the case, you may be feeling confused in a relationship simply because you are in a different place than the people you are dating.
On the other hand, you could also be rushing into relationships. If you are so set on finding lasting love and commitment that you are trying to force relationships, this could leave you settling for the wrong partner and feeling confused about your relationship.
If you are looking for a lasting commitment, it is important to be patient and recognize that the process may take some time.
You may feel some conflicting feelings in relationships, but this is part of exploring who you are and what you want from a partner.
Another important thing to consider is whether you are simply looking for love in the form of friendships. It is entirely possible to experience platonic love for friends.
If this is the type of love you’re after, you may be looking to spend a considerable portion of your free time together but not have any sexual or romantic interest in this person. Sometimes, you may confuse platonic love for romantic love, which can lead to mixed feelings.
Perhaps you are satisfied with just experiencing platonic love in the form of close friendships.
Is it love, or is it confusion?
Sometimes, even if you are clear about what type of relationship you want, you may still feel the confusion. At times, you may be unable to tell if you are experiencing love or only chaos.
Here are some things to evaluate to determine whether you are in love or merely confused in a relationship.
Do you feel close to this person?
If you have mixed emotions in your relationship, assess how close you feel to this person.
If you are developing love for this person or are in love, you should feel a sense of deep closeness to them, in which you want to share your thoughts and feelings with them.
You may have some fluctuations in your feelings, but generally, if you are in love, your feelings of closeness and connection will be stable over time.
Do you have significantly positive feelings about who this person is?
With friendships, we may admire someone’s positive qualities, but with love, it is much deeper, and you find yourself feeling positive about all of this person’s traits.
For instance, you may come to feel enamored with your partner’s quirks and unique personality traits. If you find yourself feeling rather enamored, chances are, this is love.
If, on the other hand, you don’t feel a deep sense of enchantment for your partner, you may be experiencing confusion, and this is a person who may not be right for you.
Do you have things in common with this person?
If you think you might be feeling confused about love, it is time to analyze whether you have anything in common with the person you are dating. Indeed, people in healthy relationships may have different interests, but your values should generally be similar.
You may have some disagreements, but if you disagree on everything, love may not be possible. You should also have similar goals in terms of children and marriage.
If you are feeling confused in a relationship, it may be because you and your partner just don’t have anything in common.
5 glaring signs you’re in a confusing relationship
Even if you want a relationship to work, you may be in a confusing relationship. Here are five key signs:
1. You spend a significant amount of time over-analyzing
If you’re in a confusing relationship, you may be unsure about how your partner feels, which can cause you to experience anxiety and question the relationship.
You may spend hours ruminating over your partner’s actions and behaviors, and you may replay conversations in your head over and over, trying to determine if your partner is really interested in you.
2. You feel you aren’t able to be yourself
If you feel anxious about how you behave around your partner, this may be a sign of confusion in a relationship.
You may be concerned that your partner will not accept you for who you are, so you begin to hide aspects of yourself.
Ultimately, you should feel comfortable letting your guard down and freely expressing yourself with your partner.
3. You feel as if you do not enjoy time together
If you dread time with your partner or feel that you do not have fun together, you may be in a confusing relationship.
Time spent with someone you love should be enjoyable, and you shouldn’t feel like you are trying to force yourself to have a good time.
If you don’t enjoy time with the person you’re dating, it may be that you just aren’t compatible, or you don’t have enough common interests, which isn’t a good sign in a relationship.
You might also feel like you are “faking it” with your partner if you do not enjoy time together, and this indeed shows that you are confused about your relationship.
4. Your relationship is centered on drama
Sometimes the allure in a relationship is entirely based on excitement, and drama can keep things exciting.
Maybe your partner has drama with a past lover and comes to you as an advisor and source of support. Or, perhaps you are dealing with an intensely personal situation, and your partner is a source of support.
Whatever the case, if your relationship thrives on drama, you may be confused about your relationship because it isn’t about love but about the mutual connection you have built through the conflict.
You must look for the conspicuous signs to help you determine if you are in a healthy or unhealthy relationship. It’s only after a proper analysis that you would be able to reach a justifiable conclusion.
5. You feel compelled to fix your partner
Another sign of feeling confused about love is if you are convinced you need to fix your partner or rescue them. Perhaps your partner is depressed or dealing with a terrible personal situation.
Suppose you jump in to nurture your partner through the situation. In that case, you may actually be fulfilling a childhood need to protect someone else in your life instead of actually experiencing love for your partner.
If your relationship has revolved around you, helping your partner resolve some unfortunate circumstance, you may have to deal with mixed emotions in your relationship.
5 Things to do if you’re feeling confused in a relationship
If you have accepted that you are confused about your relationship, there are steps you can take to remedy the situation.
The following five tips can help decide how to deal with mixed emotions about your partner:
1. Give things time
As they say, “Time heals all wounds.” If you are in a relatively new relationship and are experiencing mixed emotions, this may be normal.
It could be that you just need more time to get to know your significant other and decide if you have a true connection as well as interests and values in common. If you have relationship confusion now, give things a few months to settle.
If you still find that you can’t be yourself around your partner or simply don’t have anything in common, it may be time to move on.
2. Talk with your significant other
If you’re feeling confused in a relationship, there is a chance your partner has the same mixed emotions. Sit down and talk.
It could be a simple misunderstanding, and getting on the same page can help you to deal with mixed feelings.
Sometimes, you can even resolve confusion just by taking the time to talk and gain an understanding of each other’s thoughts, desires, and needs.
3. Maintain your own interests and friendships
If you are feeling confused about your relationship, it may be that you are unsure if this person fits into your lifestyle or shares any of your interests.
If your partner joins you in some of your activities, you may even learn that you have more in common than you realized.
On the other hand, if you find your partner doesn’t support your interests, this may not be the relationship for you.
4. Evaluate whether your relationship is healthy
If you are confused in a relationship, your mixed emotions could be a result of the relationship being unhealthy. Pause to evaluate whether this is the case.
In a healthy relationship, you and your partner should be able to communicate openly and be respectful of each other.
If you are afraid to share your feelings with your partner, or difficult conversations result in name-calling and degrading comments from your partner, the relationship is not healthy. And this indicates that it is time to move on.
5. Recognize that your feelings may be normal
Love can be confusing, whether you are unsure of where your relationship is headed, or you have concerns that your partner might not be the perfect mate for you. If you are experiencing confusion in your relationship, grant yourself some grace.
You may just be experiencing the normal feelings that can sometimes come with romantic relationships.
If you have taken the previous four steps and realize that your relationship is healthy and interests in common with your partner, it may be time to just relax and enjoy the process.
Maybe your confusion is simply the result of overthinking, and you are making your mixed emotions into a bigger deal than they really are. Love can be rewarding, so take some time to experience it without the anxiety.
Some confusion about relationships is normal. Perhaps you’re looking for platonic love in the form of close friendships, but you’ve been pressuring yourself to find romance.
Or, maybe, you are so focused on finding true love that you are rushing into relationships and obsessing over every detail of the relationship. Either of these scenarios can lead to confusion in relationships.
Whatever your situation is, if you are dealing with mixed feelings, give yourself some grace.
Take some time to pause and evaluate the situation and enjoy the process as much as possible.
If you continue to experience confusion about your relationship, sit down and have a conversation with your partner, and take some time to evaluate the relationship.
Is this someone you can see yourself growing with overtime? Do you have things in common? Do you look forward to spending time with this person?
If the answers to these questions are yes, then perhaps you’re experiencing normal confusion about your relationship, and things will improve with time.
Even if your mixed feelings lead you to determine that your current relationship isn’t right for you, this doesn’t mean you will never find true love. Part of determining what you want out of a relationship is exploring various relationships, so you can learn what you do and don’t like.
Take time to enjoy dating without feeling pressured to find the perfect relationship right away.
Mixed feelings may just be normal relationship confusion, or they may be an indication that it is time to move on.
Either way, be sure not to put too much pressure on yourself to have the perfect relationship. If you seek romantic love, the right type of love for you will come along, so long as you don’t force it.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.