Anger is a powerful emotion that can cause untold destruction if it continues unchecked. Just like a forest fire, which destroys towering trees, houses, and lives in its path, so it is with anger which gets out of control.
When you are in an intimate relationship with an angry wife or if a husband has anger issues, a lot of wisdom is required in order to keep the relationship at a reasonably functional level.
Many marriages break apart because the couples did not know how to deal with anger issues or how to control anger and frustration in a relationship.
So if you are wondering how to control anger in a relationship or how to deal with an angry spouse, then read on.
This article will outline ten do’s and don’ts, which can be helpful when you are dealing with an angry partner.
Can someone with anger issues change?
Anger stems from hurt and people with anger issues need a lot of love because they feel left out and alone.
People with anger issues can change if they are willing to go down the difficult path and do the hard work on themselves. If they are able to look at the positive side of themselves and change their outlook, everything good follows.
Not just this, people with anger issues need to be more aware of themselves, their surroundings and what triggers them to control the negative emotion.
How do you calm an angry partner down?
Managing anger is tricky. What to say and at what moment can be a serious deal. If you are willing to calm your partner down who is angry and able to do that, you will instill faith and trust in the relationship and it is definitely going to get stronger.
When angry feelings are expressed, it instills a lot of negativity but if you handle it with love and respect, the energy between you and your partner is sure to change to better.
How to deal with an angry partner: 10 strategies
Living with someone who has anger issues can be difficult. If you partner is willing to work on them and you wish to help them, check out these 10 tips of how to deal with an angry partner or how to handle a spouse with rage:
1. Do keep calm
Want to learn the secret of how to deal with an angry husband or how to deal if the wife has anger issues? It’s simple – maintain your calm and composure.
Admittedly this may not be easy to do, especially when you are dealing with an angry spouse and your angry spouse is lashing out at you, but the calmer you can remain, the quicker your partner will get over his or her outburst.
Keeping calm is a temporary strategy to use in the heat of the moment. Nothing good will be achieved if you are both screaming at each other.
Then when the partner has calmed down, you will be able to address the matter in a more constructive manner.
This point on how to deal with an angry partner follows on from the previous one of keeping calm when dealing with a negative spouse. Getting angry in response to your partner’s anger is actually counterproductive.
If you add fuel to the existing fire it will just burn on for longer, and the damage left in its wake will be that much more hurtful. Let your partner be angry alone.
The sharp contrast of your calm, peaceful, and mature attitude may help your partner realize how badly he or she is behaving and in turn, help you understand how to handle a spouse with rage.
3. Do think about your own behavior
This is where you need to be brutally honest with yourself. Is there anything that you are doing or not doing, which provokes or worsens your partner’s anger?
Remember, you are responsible only for your own actions, not theirs. If you have something to apologize for or to make adjustments in your behavior, then do so and move on.
4. Don’t become co-dependent
Do you ever find yourself covering up for your angry partner?
If you are living with an angry husband and they have mouthed off and offended one of your friends or family members, do you quietly go to the person afterward and ‘explain’ why your partner didn’t really mean what they said and that they are really not that bad?
If you keep on doing this kind of thing, your partner will not be able to learn to take the full brunt of the consequences caused by their anger in marriage.
When you have anger in relationships or have an angry partner, it is very important that you establish some firm boundaries.
Thinking how to deal with an angry person in a relationship? Dealing with anger starts by deciding how much of yourpartner’s anger you are willing to tolerate and what you will not allow, informing your partner accordingly and, being prepared to defend and maintain that boundary line.
Remember, boundaries are not a selfish way of life; rather, boundaries build and preserve healthy relationships.
Check out this video to know why setting emotional boundaries is the key to creating positive and healthy relationships.
6. Don’t tolerate disrespect and abuse
One of your ways of how to deal with an angry partner would certainly need to be clear regarding the aspect of disrespect and abuse. As the saying goes, there is no excuse for abuse.
When dealing with an angry husband or wife, do you allow yourself to be belittled, yelled at, and stonewalled or to be the recipient of any other form of abuse, whether emotional, verbal, or physical?
If you take the disrespect and abuse over and over, you are allowing it and letting your angry partner believe that it is okay. It’s not, and it’s up to you to make that clear.
7. Do cultivate compassion
If you are thinking how to deal with a partner with anger issues, know that an angry person is often someone who has been deeply hurt and is choosing to use their anger to protect themselves. The slightest threat or insecurity can cause them to flare up as a defense mechanism.
So if you can create a sense of emotional security, you may find that a lot of the anger can be diffused.
This can be done through patience and compassion by saying kind things instead of being critical,listening attentively, and being sincere, not mocking or sarcastic.
8. Don’t neglect to get help
Dealing with anger in marriage can be tough. If being with your angry partner is starting to get to you and you feel overwhelmed and hopeless at times, please get some help.Find a counselor or therapist, or speak to someone you can trust.
If your spouse is always angry, tell your partner how you feel and suggest that you get help together. Don’t feel that you have to struggle alone.
It is always good to get an objective viewpoint because when you are embroiled in a situation, you may not be able to see things clearly at all.
Blame, guilt, depression, and a host of other negative emotions can soon slip in like rising floodwaters, making the already difficult situation that much worse.
9. Do know when to walk away
If your angry partner acknowledges that they have a problem and they are willing to get help and work on their anger issues, then there is hope, like a light at the end of a dark tunnel.
However, if there is no acknowledgment of any wrongdoing or a superficial apology with no real change or effort to change, then you need to make some difficult decisions.
Ask yourself whether you can carry on indefinitely with no change, except perhaps a change for the worse as anger tends to intensify over time if not effectively dealt with. If your answer is no, then it may be time for you to walk away.
10. Don’t forget who you are
One of the grave dangers of having an angry partner is that you too become an angry person. After all, anger can be quite contagious. Always stay true to yourself and the person that you know you are.
Your partner’s anger is theirs to deal with – not yours to take on board. As you consistently and patiently express your emotions in a mature and healthy way, you will help your partner learn to do the same.
Getting over anger issues depends a lot on the person and the circumstances. It can take from a few days to a few weeks to a few years.
So, if your partner is suffering from temper issues and you are thinking you are thinking how to deal with an angry partner, follow these steps and try to understand their deep-rooted pains and listen to them from the place of peace. Be patient and take the certified counselor’s help, if need be.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.