The Big Lie: The Purpose of Life, Is to Be in Love

David Essel

David Essel, Counselor

Expertise: Counselor

David Essel, M.S. is the best selling author of 9 books, a counselor and master life coach and inspirational speaker whose work is endorsed by celebrities like Jenny McCarthy,... Read more

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Updated: 28 Nov, 2024

Table of Contents

Prioritize inner peace so you can show up with presence and curiosity, helping your relationship grow closer and feel seen.
Release the dating pressure and practice being emotionally honest together, which deepens trust and closeness.
Be of service and joy in small acts, which strengthens bond and invites empathy and mutual growth.

We are bombarded every day, magazines, television ads, radio interviews, Internet blogs. The real purpose of life is to find your “soulmate“ and live happily ever after.

But is this true? Or is it a propaganda, a product of mass consciousness that is driving people in the wrong direction in life?

For the past 28 years, number one best-selling author, counselor and life coach David Essel has been helping to debunk the myths about life, love and the purpose of our existence.

Shatter the myth about being in love

Below, David talks about one of the biggest lies we’ve been fed in society today, and how to shatter the myth about being in love.

“Up until 1996, in my role as a counselor, life coach, international speaker and author, I traveled the world talking about the power of love… Divine love… The reason for our existence must be expressing that love with one other person.

And, you guessed it, I was dead wrong.

I had bought into the propaganda, the mass consciousness movement, that sucks us all into this vortex, creating more chaos and drama then you could ever believe.

What? Is this blasphemy?

Many people when they first hear me give this presentation, think I must be insane because I am expressing the exact opposite philosophy of what you’re going to see, hear and read in the media and popular talk shows today.

Unfortunately for many, my philosophy is 100% correct.

And how do I know that?

A huge number of people stay stuck in a bad marriage or part ways

Look at the insanity in love relationships today. First-time marriages, 55% of them will end in divorce.

Second marriages? The statistics suck even more. According to certain studies, 75% of people in second marriages will divorce.

And what about the huge percentage of people that stay stuck in relationships and marriages that are horrible? Why do they stay?

Well, the biggest reason is they’re afraid of being alone. They don’t want to pick up and start over again. It’s better to have someone in their bed, even if they can’t stand each other, then to be alone.

And where did this philosophy come from?

Being single doesn’t equate to being inadequate

You got it. The media, romance novels, self-help books and more… Who are leading us down the path to personal destruction by telling us that if we were single there was something wrong with us.

About two years ago a gentleman contacted me to go through my course “codependency kills“, after he saw one of my videos on YouTube talking about the ridiculousness of the pressure to be in love.

He was exactly the type of person, and there are millions of people that follow this philosophy, that never wanted to be alone.

He told me during his first session, that even though he knew something was wrong with his approach to life, he hated being by himself on a Friday night.

After we worked for a while together, he said to me during one session, “David, isn’t the purpose of our existence to be in love with someone, and the opposite purpose of our existence to be single and alone?“

And it makes sense right? Anytime a large percentage of the population has bought into a philosophy, we just expect it must be correct.

But we are all dead wrong if we believe the purpose of this existence is to “be in love.“

And why is that?

The pressure is incredible to be in love with a person in life

The pressure continues to keep people jumping from one bed to the next, one relationship to the next, totally fearful of being on their own in life.

A pretty crappy philosophy if you ask me, and the end result proves that I’m right.

A constant reminder of being single throws people in a tizzy

If you’re single right now, have your friends often commented to you “you are the greatest catch in the world, how could you be single?”

That kind of pressure, especially with women, throws them into a tizzy and if they hear it enough they’re going to grab the next guy walking down the street and get into a relationship with them, which will fail, just like all their previous relationships.

Damaged self-esteem and confidence

When you carry the pressure, internal, in the subconscious mind, External in the conscious mind, that the purpose of your existence is to find your soulmate and be with them, if you’re not in a healthy loving relationship, many people feel there ’s something wrong with them.

They become more insecure. They’ll start to lean more on food as a comfort source to numb their feelings, or alcohol, or nicotine, or television… Or gambling… Or Sex, in other words, they are so uncomfortable with themselves that if they can’t find someone to be with, they’re going to numb their emotions. Sad.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think romance, and love, and sex and everything that goes with a “healthy love relationship“, is incredibly important in life, but it’s not the purpose of our existence.

What is the purpose of existence?

1. To be of service

To help others. To make a positive difference in this world. To leave gossip and judgment behind.

2. To be happy

Now think about that, I believe that the second purpose of your existence is to be happy

Now think about that, I believe that the second purpose of your existence is to be happy.

If you’re stressed about being single, or if you’re in another crappy relationship, you and I both know there’s no way you can be happy. And if you’re not happy? Your kids suffer, and whoever the hell you’re with right now is suffering too.

3. To be at peace

I tell all of my single clients that are clamoring for some type of love relationship, that are desperate to find their soulmate, that if you bring that kind of desperation out into the world of dating you’re going to attract someone who’s just as insane as you are.

They will be desperate. They will be lonely on a Friday night looking for anyone to fill the void. And you’re going to get back on the roller coaster of one crappy relationship after another.

That’s not peace at all.

4. Be joyful and at peace while you are single

Be joyful and at peace while you are single

I encourage as you read this article to take this final point into your heart: if you can’t find incredible happiness by serving others, being joyful and being at peace while you’re single, you will never attract a healthy person to be in a relationship with. Never.

Needy people, insecure people attract controllers or other people who are needy and insecure. A recipe for disaster.

So my advice to my clients and to you reading this article is to work your ass off to find inner peace on your own single if you’re single.

If you’re in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, or you’re in a relationship with someone who has an addiction and they will not take care of it, get the hell out right now.

And remember what I mentioned above, about the real purpose of life. To be of service. To be happy. To be filled with peace.

When you can master that single, you’re on your way to finding the fourth reason for your existence: to be in love.

But being in love isn’t the end of all endings

Look at people like Mother Teresa, Jesus Christ, Buddha and the list goes on and on. People who were celibate, not in love relationships, but who made dramatic differences in their own lives and in the world through their devotion to service, happiness, and inner peace.

You can create an incredible love relationship by working with organizations to help foster children, children who are neglected, animals who are abused, animals neglected, seniors who are neglected, physically and mentally challenged individuals who are neglected.

Love comes in many shapes and sizes, it doesn’t have to be “the incredible soulmate that’s going to make your life right.“

Work out of the box. Don’t follow the crowd anymore

The next time you see a book that talks about the purpose of our existence is to be in love with another person, throw it the hell out of your car.

I know it’s called littering, but maybe that’s what’s needed in order to shatter the mass consciousness, that comes along with “following the leader”, “whoever that leader is,” that has been brainwashing us to believe that we’re not enough on our own.

That there’s something missing if we ’re single, that there’s something missing if we don’t have a deep loving relationship.

And you know what is really missing when you can’t figure out how to be happy on your own? Your life‘s purpose.“

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David Essel Counselor

David Essel, M.S. is the best selling author of 9 books, a counselor and master life coach and inspirational speaker whose work is endorsed by celebrities like Jenny McCarthy,... Read more Wayne Dyer, Kenny Loggins and Mark Victor Hansen. David accepts new clients monthly via Skype and phone sessions from anywhere. Read less

(David Essel is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Fort Myers)