Every girl can get carried away thinking about her dream man. When a girl imagines her prince charming she envisions flowers out of the blue, candlelit date nights, and sweet nothings whispered in her ear. What she doesn’t envision is no romance in a relationship and being with a man whose idea of romance ends with sharing a beer over a Netflix binge. It may sound funny, but if you are in a situation where there is no romance in a relationship, it can feel frustrating and a little depressing.
So, what to do when the romance is gone?
Here’s what to do when the love is gone in a marriage and there is no romance in your relationship.
How it happens
How did your relationship go from romance to no romance in marriage? It’s only natural for new relationships to blossom with romance during the first few months or years. Couples in the process of wooing one another look for ways to make the other feel special, and romance in a common avenue to take. Thoughtful gifts, nights out, and romantic dinners are commonplace during the puppy-love phase of any relationship.
Over time, this romance may begin to dwindle, unless your partner is simply romantic by nature. This comes with feeling comfortable in the relationship and no longer feeling the need to impress. But, you experience a lack of romance and no passion in the relationship. A relationship without affection loses all its color and charm, which was, initially prevalent in your marriage.
Was he ever romantic?
Opposite of the above, your partner may never have been romantic, to begin with. In fact, this is a common problem faced by many people whose major concern is ‘my boyfriend is not romantic’, or ‘my husband has no passion for me’.
If this is the case and you have expressed your desire for more romance in your relationship to no avail, you may have to accept that he is not romantic and simply not the type you expect him to be. This is not a reflection of his lack of love or desire for you, he simply shows his affection in other ways, but there is no romance in a relationship.
Effects of no romance in a relationship
It may seem silly to others for a woman to be upset over the lack of romance in her relationship, but the effects of no romance in a relationship can create emotional side effects. Missing romance in a relationship can cause marital disputes between couples.
If your husband is not romantic or affectionate, then a lack of intimacy and romance can make you feel more like roommates than lovers. Here are some of the effects that happen when you stop wooing your partner.
- Insecurities: A lack of romance, especially sexually, can make a woman feel insecure. She begins to wonder if her mate finds her emotionally or physically stimulating.
- Not physically attractive: Women begin to wonder if their mate is no longer attracted to her. This can feel especially painful if her body has changed significantly since the relationship began. This insecurity can lead to depression or acting out in harmful ways, such as seeking validation and approval from another man.
- Is he cheating? If her man is no longer lavishing her with the romance that he once did, she may begin to wonder if his attention is with another woman.
What to do when there is no romance in a relationship
Having no romance in a relationship doesn’t mean that the relationship isn’t good. Your mate may be an excellent provider, father, and attentive mate in all other aspects of your life, he just isn’t showing you romance.
Here is what to do when there is no romance in your love life.
Spend time together
Spending more time together creates great opportunities for romance. Remember that your relationship is about more than just daily activities. Have fun together. Play a question game where you ask one another 100 questions about each other’s lives. Act as though you are just dating. This will make your partner feel special and also give you the opportunity to share details about yourself and bond. Another great way to bond is by taking up a new hobby or activity together. The more you share in common the easier it will be to foster a romantic connection.
The more obvious way to create more romance in your relationship is by creating situations to foster intimacy. Here are some ways to include more romance in your day to day lives.
- Connect during sex: Sex is the perfect opportunity to be romantic. This doesn’t mean you have to treat the action like a scene from a movie, but just make sure you are connecting during sex. This means kissing, holding hands, and eye-contact.
- Text: Start texting each other throughout the day. Sometimes it is easier to write romantic things than it is to say them out loud.
- Hold hands: This is another great way to bond. Physical touch outside of the bedroom is just as important to a relationship as it is in the bedroom. Hug, dance together, cuddle up on the couch, play footsies. Whatever you’re doing together, try and involve an element of touch.
- Complement one another: One way to make you and your partner feel special is by going out of your way to compliment one another. It can be something as simple as “You look nice today” to “Thank you so much for doing XYZ, I really appreciated it.”
- Give gifts: This option certainly isn’t necessary for creating romance, but it is a sweet gesture that makes your partner want to reciprocate. A surprise gift, even something small and sentimental, will mean a lot to your partner.
Having no romance in a relationship may not seem like a big deal to onlookers, but can cause self-doubt for the partner who is not made to feel important. It may be in the interest of your relationship to seek help.
- Contact a doctor: If your lack of romance is stemming from a low libido, it will be beneficial to contact your family doctor. They will be able to tell you where the issue is stemming from, whether it is due to a hormonal change or emotional distance. Either result will help you decide as a couple where to go from there.
- Counseling: Marriage counseling can help couples draw closer together and get to the root of the issues they are having in their relationship.
Don’t be afraid to take the lead
Women often leave the job of romance to their partners, but you should never be afraid to take the lead. Look for ways to show your partner you care in ways that he will appreciate. Remember, what is romantic to him may not be romantic to you. Taking him to a favorite childhood haunt or treating him to a surprise gift are both sweet ways to show you care. When he sees you taking charge in the romance department, he may then look for ways to reciprocate.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.