Prioritize your Relationship, Partner and Sexual Connection
Have you ever taken time to wonder what is your priority in marriage? or what are your priorities in a relationship?
Should you prioritize sex? Should you prioritize intimacy? Should you prioritize your marriage, or maybe you should be putting your partner first and the rest can follow.
There is no one mantra for setting relationship priorities, you need to gauge what aspect of your relationship seems to be the cause of concern and work towards improving.
Every relationship evolves over time and the things that might seem significantly important today might not seem relevant in the future.
Setting relationship priorities is an ever-changing process, so the best way to go about it is to focus on what your relationship needs today while keeping in mind what it might need tomorrow.
Prioritizing sex and intimacy
How important is sex in a long term relationship? can be answered by understanding the numerous benefits of sex in marriage. Not only does it brings you and your partner closer to each other but it also boosts the sense of self-confidence.
Sex and intimacy are the lifeblood of your relationship and must always be at the top of your relationship priorities.
We all are emotional, sexual beings that need love, attention, and affection, and we have to be intentional about nurturing and working to enhance intimacy with our partners.
Time is definitely a constraint but it’s the quality of those moments that count. So how to make sex a priority in your relationship?
Use these tips as ways to improve sex life and the bond between you and your partner!
1. Think about the way that you greet and say goodbye to one another
Making a ritual around being affectionate during those times can make such an impact on your day and relationship.
Research shows that it takes 5-10 seconds of a hug to release the bonding chemical called oxytocin, the warm and fuzzy feeling that makes you feel close to someone.
Make a commitment to do this with your partner at least twice a day. Increasing non-sexual touch can many times spark sexual desire but doesn’t make your partner feel that the only time affection is shown is a precursor for sex.
2. Make intimacy and sex goals
As for sexual intimacy, lovemaking is naturally variable and people have different drives and desires for sex. Be mindful that more sex doesn’t mean more intimacy, and intimacy is more than just sex.
As a couple, you need to make “intimacy & sex goals” or “relationship sexual goals”.
It is crucial to think about the ways in which you would like to enhance your connection with sex and how to maximize pleasure and satisfaction for yourself & partner.
Include daily and weekly goals for kissing, hugging and affection & foreplay. Talk about what makes you both feel close and how it makes you feel to be satisfied with each other.
Make time for sex. Have a conversation about what frequency and quality of closeness, intimacy, and sex makes you both feel emotionally fulfilled as well.
3. Explore each other’s fantasies
Keeping things interesting sexually can be a bit challenging for couples, especially for ones who are reluctant in sharing their sexual fantasies with each other.
The thought of your partner rejecting your sexual fantasy or looking down on you for suggesting something kinky can be very traumatizing, but you still need to make an effort to explore each other sexually.
Start with the smaller details, ask what they like and see how you can incorporate their needs with yours. Do not judge each other and create a safe space for them to share what they like.
Many times just talking about a fantasy can bring pleasure and you might not even have to engage in the act.
Prioritizing your relationship and partner
Like many couples, your goals & expectations don’t have to match up perfectly, but both of you should commit to making small steps and put the needs of your partner and your relationship at the top of your priority list.
1. Schedule time for each other
With time relationships start to fall in a pattern of monotonous routines. Even though such routines do serve a purpose and bring consistency in your lives, but this can also leave you and your partner feeling neglected and unwanted.
The best way to break this monotony is to recreate the early days of your relationship. Plan a date or even set aside some time every other to focus on your partner’s needs.
If your partner is not feeling like a priority in a relationship, then take this opportunity to pamper them with some time away from all the worldly problems.
Make them realize that you do notice them and regardless of all other priorities and distractions you would always be there for them.
2. Do things together
Couples get so caught up in their personal lives that they forget about the things that they used to do together.
Rather than making the effort to learn about each other’s passions and appreciating each other’s differences we tend to go our separate ways.
Can’t deny that it does give you more time to focus on your passions and ambitions but at what cost. Is losing your relationship worth it over evaluating the need to make changes and adjustments.
Be patient, considerate, and bring your passions closer to each other. Find ways to involve your partner in things that you like and do the same for them.
There is no need to make big and abrupt changes. Eventually, the challenges would become less apparent and you and your spouse would appreciate the efforts that you are making for your relationship.
3. Appreciate your partner
Another thing that couples loose over time in a relationship is the sense of appreciation and gratitude for the little things their partner does for them.
You get so used to having them around that do not notice the small gestures and sacrifices they make to enrich your lives. Before you know it your partner starts to feel sad, let down, and even isolated.
Not that they don’t know that you appreciate their efforts but your inability to express gratitude every now and then make them question their importance and relevance in the relationship.
It might take you some time to build a routine where you keep track of how your spouse enhances your relationship but it is essential that you make it a habit.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Marissa Nelson
Marriage & Family Therapist
Marissa Nelson is the Founder & CEO of IntimacyMoons Couples Retreats.
She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), Sex Therapist & Divorce
Mediator, and specializes in couples & intimacy issues. She has served as a private
practitioner working with a broad spectrum of clients in the Greater Washington DC, and now conducts workshops and speaking engagements about intimacy and connection.
Young, dynamic, articulate, and exceptionally qualified, Marissa possesses a Master's of Family Therapy (MFT) from the esteemed Couples and Family Therapy Department of Drexel University in Philadelphia. Marissa also holds a Certificate in Sexual Health and Sex Therapy from the University of Michigans School of Social Work.
