1. Find the attractiveness you once saw in your partner
The first thing I always tell people is to monitor their “thought life.”
If you don’t know what I mean about a thought life, it is simply anything you allow into your brain and lingers there for a bit.
Some thoughts stick around, which makes us unhappy with our circumstances. Sometimes those thoughts can deter us from being physically intimate with our spouse.
For example, are you allowing yourself to think poorly of your spouse, or are you intentionally thinking highly of your spouse?
If it is the former, those thoughts need to change. Listen, I am not telling you to disillusion yourself about your spouse.
My sex advice for you is to focus on those great things about your spouse, which youlove and once found attractive.
2. Adjust your expectations
When feeding your brain all the negative aspects of your spouse over and over, eventually, you will start to compare or fantasize about what your spouse should be like.
This is dangerous ground.
It is dangerous because you are putting incredibly high expectations on your spouse to be something that you have completely made up in your head. No one can fill those shoes.
Once your spouse fails to be what you think they should be, you will start to lose interest sexually. After all, who wants to sleep with someone who disappoints continually? So, if you are having a hard time in that area, start there. Capture those expectations.
Make them your hostage. Then replace them with positive thoughts about your spouse. Replace them with how much you love and adore your spouse.
3. Balance the expectations and duties
You may laugh, but it can turn on some women when their man helps with household chores! There can also be the opposite effect when the balance of duties in your marriage are lopsided. Remember this crucial couple’s sex advice.
One spouse may feel they do entirely too much and resent their partner for not helping enough.
This will spill over into the bedroom.
If your spouse is feeling overwhelmed, offer to help them out, there is no better sex advice than this. And vice versa. Taking the load off each other will ultimately allow you to feel more at ease, loved, and respected, making you more open to having sex later.
4. Date your spouse
I can almost guarantee you had fun dating your spouse before marriage. But, maybe things have become a little too serious and stressful nowadays. It can be difficult to think about making love with the stressors of life.
Taking breaks from real life is a great thing. Start dating each other again! Seriously, get a babysitter (or dog-sitter) and go somewhere together. Prepare for a date night with your spouse. A regular habit will enable you to have fun and feel more connected.
The whole reason you are married is that you fell in love with your spouse. One of the only ways to remember that is to make dating your spouse a priority.
Your spouse should be a priority over your kids and your job. If that is not happening, try hard to make that change. You, your spouse, and your sex life will be thankful you did this!
5. Create a seductive atmosphere
If you find it hard to jump into the sheets, then don’t. Start with something light. Listen to music together, read together, or have drinks.
Sex is ultimately a result of what we do to improve our emotional and intellectual connection. Best sex advice is to treat sex as a culmination of reconnecting after a stressful day or week.
It will sound like a cliche, but light some candles, bring out the oils and let it take its natural course.
6. Turn off your phones
Nowadays, the buzzing sound of a new notification has become our reality. We are constantly on our phones, connecting online while disconnecting in person.
One of the important sex advice to consider is to turn the phones off so you can turn each other on. If you must use your phone, let it become a part of your foreplay. Message each other a naughty picture or a new sexy game you want to try.
7. Use opportunities to see them through new eyes
After being with a person for an extended period, we think we know all there is to know about them. However, that is not true. The spouse we see is only a fraction of who they are.
Arrange opportunities to see your partner in a new light. Put this sex advice into action by, for example, asking them to hold for you the presentation they need to give at work.
All dressed up, of course. You will remember how powerful and sexy they look in their business persona.
8. Inquire about their unspoken desires
It can be hard to share some of the fantasies we have especially if we have not done so in a while. We might think we are asking for too much by asking to have a fantasy fulfilled or fearing how they will react. So start by asking for their first.
Promise to try and do it if they share.
Or start the ball rolling by sharing one of yours you know they will say yes to.
9. Talk dirty
Dirty talk is about letting yourself be free. It doesn’t have to be any dirtier than you are comfortable with. What you say doesn’t need to happen even. It can be only fantasy-based.
Think about what you would like to hear and share that too.
A piece of important sex advice for married couples is to make sure to set the boundaries of the non-acceptable words.
10. Go to bed naked or dressed to impress
Remember how you used to prepare for bed at the beginning of the relationship? If you don’t want to go to those lengths, consider what you can do.
One of the best sex tips for marriage is to reignite the passion in the bedroom.
Try replacing the flannel PJs with some sexy gown even though it is cold. The bed should also be a place where you come to communicate on a different, verbal and non-verbal, level, not just a place for rest.
Even though your spouse does not have rock hard abs, they have qualities you like.
So, the best sex tips for couples include sharing what you find attractive about them inside and outside of the relationship.
Boosting self-esteem can start with the praise gotten from the spouse. This will, in turn, boost the libido.
13. House as a foreplay ground
Looking up for different sex ideas for married couples? Here’s one of the most fun sex tips for married couples. Think of your house as a place of sexual liberty.
What would you like to change, so it becomes more sensual? What items can be used for pleasure and teasing?
When both partners co-create this playful state of mind, everything becomes more fun and daring. Kids can become a potential obstacle. However, nothing good comes without a challenge.
14. Take turns taking charge
Do you already have a routine? Is there a pre-set place, time, and positions that you know will work, and you use them all the time?
Change things by waking your partner during the night or switching positions.
Good sex advice to live by. Nothing kills the desire as being predictable.
15. Talk about it the next day
One of the sex advice couples who have a vivid sexual life suggest is talking about the great time they had last night.
Such sex ideas for married couples has multiple benefits. It reminds you of the great time you had, wanting you to repeat it. Furthermore, you get to communicate the amazing things you liked so they can do them again.
16. Be prepared so you can be spontaneous
It was surely easier to be spontaneous early in the relationship since you took time and care into getting ready to meet your loved one.
After some time, you might have stopped dressing up for them as much. Try to bring it back by doing a bit of preparation that makes you enjoy being in your body.
When you feel good, you will find it easier to jump to each other any chance you see.
17. Kiss like it is all that is going to happen
A kiss should be an activity all to itself, not just an antecedent to sex. The list of sex tips for married life includes the feel-good hormones releasing kissing. Boost your immunity and lower your stress levels with a passionate kiss.
When you started dating, kissing was a purpose to itself. If you find that reaching that experience is challenging, you can go back to the same place you met or went on a date.
Anything that will remind you of the fun couple you once were and can become again.
18. Treat all activities as if they lead to sex
For every item they remember from the list, give them a sassy kiss. Sounds like quirky marriage sex advice? Try it!
When no one is watching, shake those hips. Driving home from the store? Stare them in the eyes to heat their crotch. Ask them what they would like for dessert and say no to anything that is not you— taking kids to the park?
Put a naughty note in their pocket to read while the kids are playing. Introduce fun back into your life, and great sex is going to follow.
19. Explore each other’s body
BY now, you know what they like and what are the erogenous zones on their body. When was the last time you took the time to discover new ones? In case you don’t find any, that is okay. This can be just an excuse to strip them of their clothes.
20. Turn on and off specific senses
It feels great when all 5 senses are engaged, but it feels better when one of them is in focus. Here are some cool best sex ideas for married couples.
Turn off some of them and put the focus on one.
Blindfold them while focusing on the skin.
Try playing some music that you use to strip dance while they are tied up and can’t touch you.
Perhaps you would like to cease control and tie them while blindfolding them?
I know what your answer is – all of the above.
21. Watch some erotica together
What is your favorite category? How about your spouse? Is there an overlap?
There are differences in what women find arousing and what men do, but you can explore and find something you both enjoy. This will not just turn you on but help you know what they like and if you are up for it – role play later on.
Take it a step further and tell your partner it is a documentary that you will watch together and surprise them with porn.
22. Use sex toys
One of the best sex tips for married couples and a safe way to bring some aliveness into married life is the use of toys. Going together into the sex shop can be fun even if you don’t buy anything. It will feel thrilling just looking at the products.
If you are creating, some of them can be substituted with home items. For example, instead of the cuffs, you can use his tie or your scarves.
23. Make an adult movie or pictures
Acting in front of a camera can be quite arousing. Choosing the scene and the position to get the best lighting (and feeling!) is fun to do and watch later.
Furthermore, any evidence can be deleted afterward if you feel uncomfortable having it on your phones. However, the act itself or even the suggestion is sure going to get your spouse’s attention.
24. Take advantage of technology
There is an unlimited resource on marital sex advice that can make you feel like you are dating all over again.
One of the sure-fire tips to great sex for married couples is called sexting. It will bring aliveness to your relationship and your day, no matter what you are tackling at the moment.
Everything seems easier to overcome when you have that playfulness in your life. Send a sexy message or a photo and start the romance before they are ever home.
25. Tease each other
Teasing is great! Knowing what buttons to push is only going to make it easier to get their heart racing.
Whether it is a look or a more hands-on approach, they are going to love it. Promise to each other to make one another horny in the most uncomfortable of situations.
26. Play games
There are so many games to be found, so you have plenty of choices. Don’t worry if you don’t like some of the first ones you run into.
Start with the ones you find exciting yet not overwhelming. Over time you will be ready to try new games and keep the thrill alive.
27. Read dirty stories
Consider this sex advice if you find watching porn together is too much. Perhaps some light reading of subtle erotica can be a valid substitute? You can read to each other. That way, you can add or subtract anything you find not to your liking.
28. Turn foreplay into a priority
If you are where you are now because of a kiss, don’t underestimate its power. Don’t think of it as something that has to lead to sex. Try appreciating kissing for what it is.
29. Make a habit of trying new positions
Every month make a promise to try one new position. Commit to each other and keep each other in check. And remember this sex advice – when you run out of ideas, do research. Just make sure not to get hurt due to some Camasutra spelling errors.
30. Play “everything but” game
This game can raise the level of excitement and sexual arousal like no other. Doing everything, but sex makes you want it so much more. When you feel like it might be hard to get in the mood, start with this game.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.