If you’re finding it tough to even be alone together for more than a few minutes, let alone be intimate, take heart. As relationships mature, life happens. We work hard at our jobs, spend endless hours taking care of basic daily tasks, and helping others in our lives. Sometimes, our spouse ends up being the last person on our list. Because we know they will understand, and we can make it up to them later.
But why put your spouse—and sex with your spouse for that matter—last on the list? Here’s a challenge: put it first on your list! Then everything else can fall into place as it may. Because if you develop your relationship with your spouse, you can definitely count it as a win.
Still, if it’s been a while, you may feel a little awkward getting thing started in the bedroom. No worries! Here are some ideas to spice things up and get your engines going.
1. Go away for the weekend
There’s nothing like a new place and forced alone time to up the sexiness factor. Plus, you don’t even have to worry about making the bed! You can even relax, nap, and get some needed energy before your encounter. Just make sure to do the deed at least once or more for every day you’re away, ok?
2. Play a little game
Nothing makes sex more exciting than mixing things up. If you’re bored with the same old routine, then spice it up with a game. Perhaps set a timer and take turns choosing what to do next, or roll some of those sex dice to have the dice decide for you.
3. Sleep, exercise, food
Ok, so these things are necessarily sexy, but they can lead to great sex! If you are tired all the time, don’t get any exercise, and eat terribly, then you will feel bad. If you feel yucky, you aren’t going to feel like having sex, or sex itself may not be as pleasant as it could be. Take care of your body, and intimacy will just get better and better.
4. Tell each other your fantasies
Maybe he’s always wanted to do it on the beach, and maybe she has always wanted to be literally swept off her feet. Now, time to play out those fantasies. If you can’t actually play them out, pretending is fun, too. Set the mood, and make your fantasies come true.
5. Switch things up
Try new sexual positions, new locations in the room or house, new music, a new time of day—the newness will make things more exciting than ever. Who knows? You may even find something new you want to incorporate next time. But if you don’t, no worries. The point is to have fun trying!
6. Educate yourselves
Buy a book about sex and take turns reading it to each other; or find articles online that would be fun to read to each other. You never want to stop learning, especially when it comes to this subject. And be sure to educate each other on what your needs are!
7. New lingerie
Decide who gets to buy it, and then take the time to model it before it goes on the floor. Men are visual creatures and the anticipation, as well as the reveal, will make him melt. Women, be confident as you strut in the room.
8. Double the foreplay
This one is for the ladies, who love the build up almost as much as the main event. Touch her everywhere, be gentle, be thorough. You’ll know when she’s reached her limit. All the extra time will be well worth it.
If you’re not usually the initiator, then go for it. You may feel shy at first, but your boldness will make things more risky, more exciting— sexier.
10. Flirt more during the day
It’s all about anticipation. So why wait until you’re in the bedroom to get things heated? Flirt all day long. Send suggestive texts, make out, wink, play footsie, cuddle, grab a little bum, and just have fun. You’ll feel even more ready for what’s next by the time you close the bedroom door.
11. Add some ambience
Light candles, use the silk sheets, warm up the room a bit, put on some soft music. Make the room as inviting as possible, and soon you’ll be lost in each other’s arms.
13. Be a little naughty
Get out of your comfort zone and take things up a notch. Do some dirty talk, give a little spank, make your spouse wear a blindfold, use a feather to tickle… why not be a tad bit naughty? If it’s out of the norm for your, it’ll make you and your spouse feel a little dangerous, making the whole experience that much more exciting.