o you feel those early days of being shy around each other are a thing of the past? Although you appreciate everything you have been through together and enjoy being comfortable with each other, you wonder could you be too comfortable in a relationship?
Each couple can become too comfortable in a relationship if they are not careful. When and if it is going to happen depends on how they manage their intimacy, boundaries, and relationship goals.
What is too comfortable in a relationship? Before we move on to the signs, let’s try to understand what it means to be too comfortable in a relationship first.
What does it mean to be too comfortable in a relationship?
The meaning of being too comfortable in a relationship can differ from person to person, however, the essence is in having the freedom from your inhibitions and feeling at ease with your partner without the desire to make a change.
It is about enjoying how things are, and wanting to stay in your comfort zone.
Let’s not mistake feeling comfortable in a relationship with being too comfortable. When we can be ourselves with a loved one and still be loved and accepted, our satisfaction with the relationship rises. However, unconditional acceptance is not the same as being too comfortable.
Comfort is a part of intimacy and love, but not the only part. Being intimate is about being close, knowing the good and bad, and accepting your partner nonetheless.
However, being too comfortable is about forsaking trying to be the best version of ourselves. Getting too comfortable in a relationship can happen when we no longer improve or feel challenged.
Why is it important to recognize you are being too comfortable with each other?
A comfortable relationship where we are not pushed to fulfill demands, exceed, and be a better self can feel great for a while. Comfort is about feeling safe, accepted, and at peace. If left unchecked it can transform into a comfort zone relationship where there is no more growth.
Being too comfortable means you are not advancing or developing. The feeling of progress is necessary for true happiness for many people.
Being comfortable in a relationship can lead us into disliking the person we have become and that doesn’t spell relationship success. We all need comfort in a relationship, not renouncing opportunities to evolve.
Recognizing the signs is the first step to decreasing the excess of comfortableness. If you want to change something you first need to recognize something is out of order.
30 signs your relationship has hit the comfort zone
1. Dating is a thing of the past
One of the important signs of being too comfortable in a relationship is no longer having real dates with your loved one. Find some time where you can be with each other exclusively and with attention.
2. Being on the toilet while the other is present
Nothing kills the magic as knowing and witnessing our partner’s bathroom habits. When you have no problem using the toilet while the other is showering or brushing teeth, you have become too comfortable in a relationship.
3. You feel they can’t share anything you don’t know already
Do you think you have heard all the stories, anecdotes, and jokes they have in their repertoire? You pretend to listen while your mind wonders because you think you know what they will say? It can be a sign that you are too comfortable in a relationship.
4. Romance gets mistaken for needing or apologizing for something
You know you are too comfortable in a relationship when they do something romantic and your first thought is “what do they need now” or “what did they mess up now”.
5. You spend time together, but not interact
You often spend time at home together, each doing your own thing? You are on your phones, or watching your shows in separate rooms? When we have become too comfortable we are present in the body, but not in spirit.
6. Sex has become routined
Do you, nowadays, have sex only before bed? Does it seem like a familiar choreography you both have learned very well? Unless you put in the effort it won’t suddenly become better on its own.
7. You don’t dress up for each other anymore
Remember the time when you used to get ready for the date and make sure you looked admirable? Does it seem like ancient history?
8. Putting off important conversations
When we think we are safe in the relationship we might start to put off difficult conversations. No one likes to have them, but when we skip over them it means we are no longer investing as much and jeopardizing the health of the relationship.
9. You no longer do the activities you used to enjoy
The satisfaction with a couple’s leisure activities plays a significant role in their marital satisfaction. When was the last time you both engaged in an enjoyable activity that reminded you of what made you two great?
10. You take each other for granted
This particular sign of being too comfortable in a relationship has various forms and different meanings for each couple. In essence, it means you or your partner no longer feel appreciated, recognized, and valued. Many things can lead you to this place, only one can save you – if you both put in the effort.
11. You make plenty of cynical comment
Speaking your mind is different from being hurtful. At the beginning of the relationship, we are careful with words to avoid hurting our partners’ feelings. As time goes by, those comments can become more skeptical and snarky.
12. Not minding the manners
Do you pick your nose, burp, fart, and do it all without feeling self-conscious? If there is no remorse, it can mean you don’t care what your partner thinks of you anymore.
13. You don’t commit to the moment
When you are with them you don’t focus on the conversation, instead you try to see the screen of your phone. You are not taking an active part in the conversation, merely answering their questions. It’s no secret that it takes an effort from both sides to commit to the moment.
14. You don’t take care of yourself
When you are too comfortable in a relationship you may lower the level of hygiene and grooming habits. It is wonderful to have someone accept us at our worst, but taking care of ourselves is not only important for us but for the enjoyment of our partner as well.
15. Doing once unacceptable things
Some couples, even early on, have no problem popping each other’s pimples, while for others it is unimaginable. If you once couldn’t imagine popping a zit or whipping a bugger of their nose, but now it is a regular occurrence, you are growing too comfortable around each other.
16. Not showing appreciation for each other
Never get too comfortable in a relationship so as to forget to compliment your partner and make them feel cherished. Appreciation is the key to feeling seen in a relationship.
A recent research identified that gratitude increases sexual communal strength because gratitude motivates partners to maintain close relationships.
17. Crossing once-established boundaries
Disrespecting one’s privacy, whether it is bathroom habits or reading their texts and diary, can be a sign of ignoring their boundaries and being too easy going with them.
18. You think you know their thoughts and feelings
Few people can know us as well as our long-term partner. However, it is not a given and doesn’t grant accuracy and certainty in trying to understand one’s thoughts and feelings.
It can be a sign of contentment when you assume you can read their mind. Communicating is key to success.
19. Your bedtime routine doesn’t include your partner
Do you prepare for bed, lay reading, or scrolling while your partner does their own thing? In a complacent relationship, you don’t check-in, spend time sharing in the evening, rather you each focus on your own routine.
20. Your texts revolve around organizational topics
When you look at your chat, all you can find there are agreements and arrangements. If you didn’t know better it would seem as though two roommates were messaging. There is no spark, no flirting or teasing.
21. You don’t make time to share a meal
Not only is there no more date night, but you find it too effortful to try and catch each other for mealtime. You’d rather grab a bite alone while watching something interesting as it just seems easier and simple.
22. Nakedness is not stimulating any reactions
You can take your clothes off and talk, eat, or even argue. When either is naked or changing you notice that the stirring of passions and arousal is absent.
23. You don’t kiss goodbye
We are not saying to engage in PDA every time you say goodbye, but a passionate connection lies in action, not words. Instead of a peck on the cheek try going for a long, embracing kiss next time.
24. Saying “I love you” routinely
Not much comes close to the importance of those three words, especially at the beginning of the relationship. Their meaning can be worn thin if you say it without any emotion just to reinforce a habit or confirm a known fact.
25. Your conversations are less intimate
When you become too comfortable, you will notice that you are less and less discussing personal matters and more daily duties and logistical details. It can be connected to thinking there is nothing new to know or to not wanting to step outside of the cozy spot.
26. You have a suggestion list for gifts
It is too laborious to try and think of gifts for each other so you simply give each other a list of things you would like. It could be that you even purchase it and they simply give you the cash.
Buying gifts this way kills the magic and the special feeling you have when they come with a wrapped package in their arms.
27. Foreplay is a thing of the past
“If we are done in 10 minutes we can also get some rest.” Does it ever go through your mind that you don’t want sex to last too long so you cut down on the foreplay part?
28. Not worrying about being in swimwear around them
You no longer wonder how you appear to your partner, you may not be too concerned about their opinion or want their admiration anymore. You find it hard to invest in your looks or to care what they think of your appearance.
29. Kissing is a prelude to sex
Being cozy means not having to try so hard. It could be that you only kiss each other when you know it is leading somewhere.
30. Their passions don’t intrigue you anymore
When you started dating you wanted to see them at their best, that is when they are engaged in their hobbies and passions. Nowadays, you seem bothered by the same things and you have no patience for them when they talk about it.
Difference between being comfortable and being complacent
You might also be wondering how is being comfortable and being complacent different?
Being comfortable means to be content, in peace with how things are while being willing to work on improvements, however, being too comfortable can be seen as being complacent.
Being complacent means being content with how things are and avoiding putting in the effort to better things.
Being comfortable means to show eagerness to learn new things.
Being complacent means to have the belief that you already know everything and don’t need to learn anything new.
Being comfortable means being creative and committed to adding value to everything.
Being complacent means a lack of creativity and a need to remain the same as if constantly being on cruise control.
Also watch: How to battle complacency and boredom in your marriage.
Do you talk while one of you is using the bathroom? Do you mainly discuss responsibilities around the house?
If you are feeling like you take each other for granted or that you aspire to do any relationship things as effortlessly as possible, you could be on the path of becoming too comfortable in your relationship.
Be mindful of the signs of being too comfortable in a relationship, discuss with your partner what they think and feel, and work on finding a balance that works for you as a couple. Even if you are fine with the level of comfortableness you enjoy, never be too comfortable to forget to cherish and appreciate your partner.
Every so often share a compliment and recognize each other’s efforts. A little appreciation goes a long way!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.