15 Signs of a Dysfunctional Relationship

Some relationships bring happiness, great times, and memories. However, some become the cause of heartache and sorrow. It is one of the hardest things to identify the red flags in a relationship and get rid of them. 

So, what are the signs of a dysfunctional relationship?

Dysfunctional relationships do a great deal in causing emotional havoc to both the partners. They add unhealthy challenges to the relationship and have a distressing tendency that grows more with time.

What is a dysfunctional relationship?

The word “dysfunctional” or “toxic” is used when things are not working well in a relationship. 

It happens when relationships don’t fulfill their fundamental purpose of bringing happiness and emotional support for their partners and are continuously filled with upsetting challenges and instability rather than fulfillment. 

When you start realizing more destructive rather than constructive time with your partner, then these are signs of a dysfunctional relationship.

A dysfunctional relationship is always toxic and is often a dead-end to the relationship.

Also Try: Dysfunctional Relationship Quiz

How do dysfunctional relationships start?

A dysfunctional relationship is often the result of our childhood events. Kids who are brought up in a chaotic environment often become dysfunctional partners in their relationships. These individuals end up using dysfunctional relationship patterns with their partners. 

Leaving unsolved relationship issues for too long can also become the cause of dysfunctional relationships. The journey to a healthy relationship begins by establishing a healthy, secure, and durable understanding with the partner.

Depending on your partner for all the happiness is another indication of dysfunctional relationship patterns. It could be torturing to deal with incessant ups and downs in a dysfunctional relationship when we desire peace from the screaming roller coaster of the relationship.

Remember, there is no perfect relationship. It requires continuous healthy communication for conflict management. No matter how good a relationship is, you should never sacrifice your security, happiness, and mental peace for it.

Related Reading: Understanding Dysfunction in a Love Relationship

15 signs of a dysfunctional relationship

It’s hard to imagine a long-term relationship without causing some self-destructive behavior. There could be different methods to deal with the distinct types of a dysfunctional relationship. 

A dysfunctional person overlooks their partner and eventually eradicates them from their life. Consequently, successful people take time to understand and reduce the destructive effects of their relationships.

The following 15 signs of a dysfunctional relationship represent the negative experiences that most people witness in their life. 

Noticing these signs at an early stage can help stop the vicious damage to relationship commitment.

1. Dominance or submission in the relationship

Who got the authority to make all decisions in your relationship? Is it equally shared or one-sided? 

A relationship based on the power hierarchy with one partner on top and the other following all the rules does not work in the long run. It may feel as your partner is becoming more demanding, ignoring, and pulling you away in the relationship. 

Healthy relationships comprise generously shared power to take the decision and support each other.

2. Blame game

Mostly discontented and frustrated couples blame each other for the arising problems in the relationship. Consequently, people taking responsibility for their words and actions to achieve a satisfactory relationship.

According to licensed professional counselor Christiana Njoku:

A relationship characterized by constant blame games is unhealthy and dysfunctional for both partners.

Dysfunctional communication is one of the basic reasons for increasing blame game in the relationship. Couples stop discussing and start blaming their partner for the issues. 

If your partner does not take responsibility for their actions and you are working alone in the relationship, it is a clear sign of a dysfunctional relationship.

Related Reading: The Blame Game Is Destructive to Your Marriage

3. Tension

Most people hesitate to speak about the conflicted stuff with their partner during a peaceful time. They feel reluctant and desire to enjoy the good time without initiating another fight. 

The truth is that you can never have good times while being in a dysfunctional love relationship.

4. Frustration

When it’s extremely complicated to work on the simple things in the relationship, despite exerting full effort and hard work, it is always hard to work with your partner because of their non-stop frustration. 

When you are in a relationship with an insensitive egoistic dysfunctional person, you feel attacked, not doing enough, feel burdened, and decisions are thrown at your face.

Related Reading: How to Cope With Frustration in Relationships?

5. Disloyalty

Having a destructive triangle is one of the signs of a dysfunctional person. They share private information with somebody outside the relationship without taking their partner in confidence. 

While it is common to share with friends and get advice, it becomes concerning and highly uncomfortable when the confidante tells everything to the unaware partner. It results in initiating multiple cases of disloyalty.

Related Reading: What Is Loyalty in Relationships?

6. Resentment

The increasing level of resentment in the relationship acts as the silent poison along with contributing to dysfunctional communication. Having daily basis resentments affect interaction with your partner to work on broken things in the relationship.

Christiana Njoku states:

When partners resent each other in a relationship, sooner or later, the relationship will be over.

While prolonged resentment is often associated with pride and values, it is powerful enough to ruin your relationship.

Related Relationship: How Do You Let Go of Anger and Resentment in a Relationship?

7. High levels of conflict

A dysfunctional person will always initiate destructive communication in the relationship. You can imagine when a discussion starts with, “How can you be always selfish?” or “You are the troublemaker.”  

No relationship is perfect, and without conflict, it is possible to solve most of the conflicts with good communication and using conflict management methods.

8. Continuous criticism

With a clear difference between positive and negative criticism, a healthy relationship does not have to face issues with continuous criticism. 

A dysfunctional person continuously ignores your existence, uses an aggressive tone, and hurts your self-esteem. You are in a dysfunctional love relationship when your partner is tearing you down instead of being your cheerleader.

Related Reading: Critical Spouse Signs and How to Deal With It

9. You are constantly unhappy

While all relationships have arguments, it is common to get upset with your significant other. If there is constant unhappiness in the relationship, you need to check and speak to your partner about it. It is a dysfunctional relationship belief to tolerate unhappiness long-term. You deserve to be happy!

10. Boundary violations

People establish boundaries to keep their concerns and vulnerabilities safe in the relationship. 

It is one of the types of dysfunctional relationships when your partner does not respect their boundary. They violate boundaries to sneak into the private secrets of their partners without worrying about their damaging consequences.

Related Reading: Personal Boundaries You Need in Your Relationship

11. The sole source of happiness

It can be good to rely on our partners sometimes. However, we should never be the sole reason for your happiness. 

This is a clear sign of a dysfunctional relationship. Your partner should be happy in the first place and even happier to be with you, but don’t always connect your happiness to their happiness as it is unrealistic.

Christiana Njoku added that:

To avoid being frustrated in the relationship, never depend on your partner for your happiness. You owe yourself the duty of making yourself happy.

12. Emotional detachment

A healthy relationship requires a continuous emotional security. You are in a dysfunctional love relationship if you do not feel emotional connectivity with your partner. The lack of emotional availability, selfishness, and dynamic interests are signs of a dysfunctional person.

Related Reading: Signs of an Emotionally Disconnected Marriage

13. Holding grudges

The lack of consideration in responding to the expressed and unknown complaints causes grudges in the relationship. 

These grudges can be small in the beginning but can fester over time. Dysfunctional persons are always resentful and consider themselves being victimized by partners.

Take a look at the video below that illustrates how grudges are hurtful and how they can play havoc in the relationship:

14. Uncertainty

It is an obvious sign of a dysfunctional relationship when you are constantly unsure about your partner’s behavior. A dysfunctional person will be nice, caring, and sweet one night and opposite the other. 

You start living on the edge with a consistent need to watch out for your tone, voice, and actions.

15. Lack of trust

Trust serves as the core element of a healthy relationship. A relationship with no trust is not going to last longer. 

It can be a type of dysfunctional relationship when they are continuously questioning and do not trust you.  

Related Reading: How to Handle a Lack of Trust in a Relationship 

Why do people stay in dysfunctional relationships?

People often stay in dysfunctional relationships because of feeling stuck in their feelings, worried about the future, and not able to understand their feelings. 

Too often, they do not know “how to get out of a dysfunctional relationship.”

We have compiled a list of some reasons down below that make people live in a dysfunctional relationship:

1. Do not understand love

Most people who keep up with the dysfunctional relationship are unaware of the true meaning of Love. 

They settle with negatively impacted dysfunctional love while considering it the love of their life.

Related Reading: Questions to Ask Yourself to Determine Your Definition of Love

2. Hope

They keep hoping that everything is going to work out one day. 

The dysfunctional relationship patterns are going to become healthy. Hope can be realistic and delusional at the same time. However, the need is to be practical.

Related Reading: Can an Unhealthy Relationship Be Changed to a Healthy One?

3. Dependency

A dysfunctional person fills a relationship with negativity, toxicity, physical and emotional violent behavior. 

Despite knowing all signs of a dysfunctional person, people often believe it’s hard to live without them. Therefore, they refuse to take in any offered opportunity to escape the relationship.

4. For their children

All parents desire to raise their children together and save them from the heartbreaking pain of divorce. 

Likewise, they want to save themselves from the blame coming from their children for not holding the family together. They choose to stay with a dysfunctional person and relationship with their children.

Related Reading: How to End a Dysfunctional Relationship Cycle

How do you fix a dysfunctional relationship?

It’s hard to imagine life without having our loved ones and special relationships. With proper guidance and dedication, it is never too late to work on a dysfunctional relationship.

We collected few points down below that can help in fixing your dysfunctional relationship:

• Invest in your personal growth together.
• Show mutual willingness to improve and work together for a healthier relationship.
• Be responsible for your behavior and actions in the relationship.
• Initiate meaningful conversations with your partner.
• If there is any toxicity in the relationship, you need to acknowledge it
• Forget about your past events and work for a healthy future together
• Be patient and stay flexible
• Find self-soothing strategies like workout and meditation sessions
• Try couple therapy for working things out

Conclusion

It can be hard to fix dysfunctional relationship beliefs; however, the right approach and efforts can help achieve a positive relationship over time. 

Make sure to keep a healthy check on your partner while you are working hard to make things right. 

It can be hard to always avoid disagreements and blame in relationships; however, you can do this with the right mindset and attitude. Remember, everyone deserves to be in a healthy, happy, and comforting relationship.

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