Marriage problems can arise in so many ways, including a lack of the ability to communicate with your spouse effectively. But, marriage and communication are intertwined for relationship happiness.
Money problems, ill health, toxic in-laws, child-rearing, career problems, and infidelity are just some of the things that can strike at the heart of a marriage and cause a breakdown in communication.
Communication issues are frustrating and make a bad situation even more insurmountable.
If it feels like all you ever do is to fight, or your feelings and worries go unheard, you’ll feel stressed and perhaps even concerned about the future of your marriage.
Problems in your marriage can also cause you to become more distant from each other, and the main problem is that you simply don’t communicate.
You just don’t talk anymore, and you can feel the closeness you once had slipping away from you.
Do you find yourself looking for “ways to communicate better with my wife,” “wife or husband refuses to communicate,” or “ways to talk to your husband about being unhappy”?
If any of the above situations sounds like your story, then don’t fret or despair. It’s hard to communicate when things are tough, but it’s not impossible to figure out what to do when you can’t communicate with your partner.
As you talk to your wife or husband, remember that raising the volume doesn’t get your point across.
Shouting happens when someone feels so frustrated or unheard that they just have to get their point across no matter what.
Something snaps, and we feel like if we just raise the volume enough, surely we’ll be heard at last.
Unfortunately, that’s usually the last thing to happen.
You probably know already what it’s like to be shouted at. It creates a lot of negative emotion and usually triggers a fight-or-flight response.
When shouted at, most people either shout back or just want to get out of there— the focus shifts from the topic at hand to the conflict.
Communicating with a spouse when you have wrecked nerves
Shouting escalates tensions.
Things to talk about with your wife or husband, irrespective of nature, can be conveyed without yelling or talking over each other to establish one-upmanship.
So, how to talk to your spouse?
To improve the level of effectiveness and productivity as you communicate with your spouse, learn to communicate without yelling, and you’ll already be on the path to better communication.
If you feel frustrated and think that you might start shouting any moment during the fight, take a short time out for a short walk, a cool glass of water, or even to hide away and beat the heck out of a pillow for a few minutes.
Realize that you’re not in it to win it
How to communicate with a spouse when you are both looking at settling scores?
A spiteful mindset is the destroyer of good communication. When things are tough, it’s easy to fall into the mindset of wanting to “get back” at them or get your point across just so you can win the fight.
The problem is that when you try to win a fight, you and your spouse both lose.
Instead of getting embroiled in a conflict, shift your mindset to that of a team. You and your partner are in this together.
Whatever’s got you down, the key to communicate with your spouse in a healthy way is to find a solution that makes you feel like you both have won – together.
Listen to what your partner has to say
Not listening to each other is a real problem when your relationship is already in a rocky patch. Frustration and tensions boil over, and you both want to get your point across. Research has shown that attentive listening is related to more effective coping behaviors and higher relationship satisfaction.
How to communicate with a spouse when you are both contesting to drive home your respective points?
Instead of just trying to make your point, take a step back, and listen to what your partner has to say.
As you communicate with your spouse, listen to the words they use, pay attention to their tone and pitch of voice, and watch their expressions and body language.
You’ll learn so much more about where they’re right now and what’s really bothering them.
Learning to listen can be difficult at first. Some couples find it helpful to set a timer for ten minutes and take turns to talk without interruption.
Ask the right connecting questions to your spouse
It’s not surprising we ask the wrong questions sometimes. After all, there’s not a class at school on what to do when you’re older and married, and it feels like everything is going wrong.
It’s easy to slip into “why did you say that?” and “what do you expect me to do? I’m trying my best!”
Try swapping out those questions for “what do you need?” and “what can I do to support you?”
On how to communicate with your spouse, let your partner know that you’re in this with them and that their feelings and needs are important.
Encourage them to do the same for you, and before long, you’ll be building solutions together instead of getting caught up in problems.
Communicating when things are tough isn’t impossible. Also, couples often struggle with how to start a difficult conversation.
Be open, receptive, non-threatening, and striving at patiently explaining the entire context of the conversation.
Make sure your message is not contaminated or misconstrued.
Facilitate a deeper conversation with your significant other
There is no dearth of tips to communicate effectively with your partner or ways to improve marriage communication. Notwithstanding that, how to communicate with your partner in a healthy way is something that can not be spoon-fed to the couple.
Knowing that communicating with your spouse in heated, unproductive ways will create distance, weaken intimacy, and undermine relationship value is important.
On how to communicate in marriage, awareness, and right intent will fast track your progress in improving communication skills with your spouse.
Just a few adjustments will bolster your confidence in communicating without conflict, and your relationship will be stronger as a result.
Hopefully, you won’t find yourself looking for advice on” how to talk to my wife?” or “how to communicate with my husband?”
Follow these commandments on how to communicate with your spouse, and it will transform your relationship to a happy, fulfilling relationship.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.