Living with an insecure husband is not only hard work; it can have a devastating impact on your well being and emotional health. There are few things more emotionally defeating than to know that you are a faithful, loyal, caring and motivated spouse; and yet have a partner who is continually suspicious, untrusting and rarely stops questioning many of your actions and motives. Many women simply work harder to jump through the hoops to keep their husbands happy. At some point in time, the task simply becomes too overwhelming. When this happens and the wife is finally at the end of her rope; she will sometimes announce that she is done trying, that the demands are too great and that it doesn’t matter how hard she tries, he always finds a new way in which she does not measure up. Some of the signs that you are living with an overly insecure man may include:
1. He questions your motives all the time
You know that you are working hard to take care of you family and your man and that you rarely have time to take care of yourself or do something that you would like to do. No matter how hard you work at things, he still finds ways to question your motives and expresses doubt that you really do care like you say you do.
2. He keeps score
You find that he never forgets the time you were able to go out with your friends or stop by to visit your mom. He recounts to you often how many times you went out or got away compared to how many times he was able do so. If he gets out more often, he reasons that most of his outings don’t count but yours always do.
3. He believes you always have a hidden agenda
It seems that no matter how hard you work at doing your job in the home and taking care of your family, he continually questions your motives. He thinks you are doing things simply because you want something from him or because you feel you have to do your “required duty.” You end up feeling continually robbed of almost all the joy that comes from taking care of your family.
4. Arguing almost always becomes defensive rather than problem-solving
When you bring up a topic to try to problem solve in order to get it behind the two of you, he uses it as a forum to brow beat you and repeatedly drives home his point, no matter how hard you try to work toward a solution.
5. You are often in trouble for not complimenting or thanking him
The two of you may be going to a special event; he comes into the room and compliments you about how you look, and even before you have a chance to compliment him, you are in trouble for not doing so. If you do not thank him immediately for something he has done, you never hear the end of it. He will let you know that you had plenty of opportunity to compliment or thank him; but as you recall the situation, you know you never had a chance to do so before you were attacked.
6. There are many assumptions made on his part that you “should just know”
He often becomes angry because you did not catch on to how he was feeling or what he needed. You may respond by letting him know that you can’t read his mind, but he counters by saying that as long as the two of you have been together, and as many times as this has happened in the past – “you should know this.”
7. He wants to know about every conversation or text you receive
You find that before you are even one sentence into answering a phone call, he demands to know who you are talking to. He can’t stand it if you get a text and respond to it if he doesn’t know who it is and what the conversation is about.
8. He gets very jealous of the time you spend with or talking to your close friends
You know that you place a priority on him and your relationship together and that you are sensitive to his concerns about the time you spend with your close friends. You cut back on the time you spend with your friends and limit conversations and texting with them; but he still argues with you and insists that it is too much time with them, and you care about them more than you care about him.
9. He is always right and seems to take pleasure in proving you wrong
Even when you are going out of your way to avoid an argument with him, he seems to find things that you have done wrong or points out the fallacy in your thinking. Then, no matter how you respond, you just get into more trouble with him.
If you are living with an insecure husband and the problem is not addressed, you are eventually going to run out of gas in the relationship. You may get to the point where you want out all together no matter what help or changes he is willing to try. Before you get to that point, do some work to strengthen your resolve and self-esteem and then determine some hard and fast boundaries that you are willing to set in order to institute genuine change in the relationship.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by David McFadden