How to Heal From Insecurity After Infidelity

Like an earthquake to a building, infidelity shakes what was once considered a strong foundation. It replaces what was, with what now is: a broken and tarnished version of its former self. 

In a building disrupted by an earthquake, you’re not confident in the stability of the floors or the roof to remain safe or livable.

Insecurity is defined as “a lack of confidence.” Hence, it is not surprising if someone faces insecurity after infidelity within their marriage.

In a marriage after infidelity, your lack of confidence and trust in your partner makes you feel unsafe in your relationship.

Moreover, it is difficult to know how to stop being insecure after being cheated on because who’s to say that it won’t happen again and how strong was the relationship if it could succumb to this wreckage in the first place.

Many questions are asked about how to move on from a cheating spouse and how to heal from a relationship after cheating, but a number of meaningful answers are often scarce.

It’s important that the person who gets cheated on is informed on how to get over insecurities after being cheated on.

If you or someone you know has experienced insecurity after infidelity and is wondering how to stop being insecure after being cheated on or how to heal after being cheated on, knowing some ways to overcome insecurity after infidelity would definitely help.

Also watch: Battling insecurities for betrayed women

This article shares 5 ways for getting past infidelity and insecurity in marriage

Healing yourself

1. It starts with you

The hard truth about life is that true happiness doesn’t come from any other source than yourself.

The reason for this is because only you control your actions, your thoughts, and your beliefs. Since this is the only thing that you can truly control in life, your happiness must come from within.

If you’re waiting for someone else to validate you and bring you joy, you’re going to be disappointed. We are selfish beings, and no matter how much love someone has for you, they will come up short from time to time.

But how does this help you to heal from insecurity after infidelity?

Infidelity is a selfish act; no one would argue that. Acknowledge it as such, and use it to understand that it’s time to work on yourself and your own personal happiness.

In the future, if the one you love steps out on you, I promise you, it will hurt. But if you have done the work on yourself so that you know what you want out of life, it will hurt less, and you will find peace from the mess much sooner.

2. Work on self-care

Practices like meditation and journaling are healthy ways to create some peace of mind in your life and essential for overcoming insecurity after infidelity.

Meditation is useful because the practice asks you to sit quietly, acknowledge your thoughts as they come, and then let them pass on by as if they are ships in the night.

This means that you won’t spend time dwelling on one specific thought (your spouse cheating) and will simply observe your mind at work.

Once you’ve meditated enough, you will see the calmness that it provides and will then be able to be mindful throughout your day as well.

Journaling will allow you to take those thoughts that you just observed and expand on them. This is not a place for perfect punctuation, grammar, or spelling. It’s simply dumping your mind on a piece of paper and allowing it to expand.

You’ll find that the tension and stress that you’ve kept bottled up will spill out in these journaling sessions, allowing you to move through your day with less weight on your shoulders and more awareness of your true feelings.

3. Do something you love

In marriage, we often find ourselves molding our hobbies and interests together with our partner.

Before you met, each of you had individual interests. However, with time, married couples tend to come together and have more shared activities and pastimes.

This is excellent for the most part because it allows the marriage to blossom through shared experiences.

However, when an affair occurs, and you experience insecurity after infidelity, the couple is at odds with each other, these shared interests become points of disdain.

You can’t listen to that band anymore because it was your husband’s favorite band. You can’t go to that restaurant because your wife loves it. You get the picture.

Finding your own passions is a great way of dealing with insecurity after infidelity.

This will keep you out of a helpless mental loop of seeing your spouse in everything you do because you are choosing something outside of the relationship norms.

Take a cooking class. Join a new gym. Go back to school. Find something that is meaningful to YOU, so you can continue to separate your worth from your marriage and heal from insecurity after infidelity.

Healing the relationship

1. Get the truth out in the open

To relate back to the analogy that started this article, think of a house that has been recently shaken by an earthquake.

You can’t rebuild this house from its fragmented pieces. You have to find the cause of the damage and possibly build a new atop of the rubble.

The same can be said for overcoming insecurity after infidelity in your marriage.

If you want to heal and continue your marriage, the truth and nothing but the truth is essential.

You need to figure out what caused the affair. You need to ask why. You need to know that it’s over. It needs to be crystal clear before you can begin to heal from all of the pain and insecurity after infidelity.

Lack of facts will only breed more insecurity. It may hurt upfront, but you need to figure out what really went on so that you can look to the future with a clear picture of the past.

2. See a marriage counselor

Getting the truth on the table is important, but try to do so in a safe space like a therapist’s office. They will help guide that conversation so that it doesn’t take too many ugly twists and turns.

Rely on their expertise to help your relationship mend in the healthiest way possible.