15 Tips on How to Let Go of Control in a Relationship

Knowing how to let go of control in a relationship is a critical skill you must develop. At some point, you may have to step aside and allow your partner to steer things for a while. Then again, no one wants to be in a relationship with someone who’s too controlling. 

However, the challenge is that letting go of control can sometimes be challenging – especially if you are used to being a leader. You may need to learn when to let go of that need for control in your relationship. 

Related Reading: How to Deal With a Controlling Husband

The good part is that you can always discover how to let go of control in a relationship with enough dedication and effort. That’s exactly what you will be learning in this article. 

How to let go of control in your relationship: 15 powerful tips 

Do you want to discover how to let go of control in your relationship to become a better lover and partner? Then follow these 15 tips.    

1. Understand that your partner has different opinions

One of the easiest ways to let go of control in a relationship is to remember that your partner is a human being, equal to you in every sense. As a result, they’ll have differing opinions on many subjects and may act in ways you didn’t expect. 

It is easier to let go of control when you are prepared for these different opinions to come up at different intervals in your relationship. 

2. Manage your expectations 

Studies have shown that unrealistic expectations are one of the main reasons why relationships suffer in the long run. When you get into a relationship expecting too many things from your partner, you may be utterly disappointed when you discover that they cannot live up to the perfect picture you have created in your mind. 

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, says

Be sure you have realistic expectations for your partner and that you aren’t putting pressure on them.

Your partner is only human! So, you may want to cut them some slack already. 

Managing your expectations is one way to let go of control of relationship controlling issues because you can accommodate their excesses even before they come up. 

3. Breath-control exercises will help 

Take some deep breaths whenever you feel anxious about losing control in the relationship. When you focus on your breathing, you bring yourself into a state of mindfulness and control of your body. 

This way, you reduce your chances of flipping out and doing something you may regret later. 

Mindfulness is a powerful practice you must engage in as you figure out how to let go of control in a relationship. You may consider picking up meditation skills along the line, as they’ll come in handy. 

Related Reading: How to Stop Overthinking in a Relationship

4. Step away from the scene of provocation 

There’s every possibility that you may flip the switch and lash out at your partner if you stay at the scene for a long time. When you feel anxious about losing control of a situation with your partner, please learn to step away. 

By stepping away from the scene of provocation, you give yourself room to breathe and discover exactly why you are reacting the way you are. 

Suggested video: How to truly accept and love your partner 

5. Consider your partner’s viewpoint 

One of the reasons why you have not yet figured out how to let go of control in a relationship is that you may not have yet considered your partner’s viewpoint. 

So, instead of trying to be right in every situation, why not consider listening to them so that you understand exactly where they’re coming from? 

Better listening skills will improve your relationship, and this has been proven by scientific research.    

6. Dig deep to find out the source of jealousy 

Every time you feel sparks of envy and jealousy springing up within you, you may want to step back and find out exactly why you feel that way. More often than not, jealousy and envy spring from your insecurities and not just from your partner’s actions. 

Maggie Martinez further adds,

Feelings of jealousy may be stemming from past relationship traumas.

Before taking your insecurities out on your partner, please ask yourself exactly why you feel the way you feel. Tackling those feelings becomes easier when you have figured out why you feel the way you do.  

7. Calm yourself with positive self-talk 

Let’s say you’re beginning to feel things get heated in the middle of a conversation. Please take a step back and calm yourself down. While centering yourself with controlled breathing exercises, please calm yourself down with positive self-talk at the same time.  

Simple statements like “it is okay not to have control over this” can help you let go of that anxiety brewing under the surface. 

8. Be ready to compromise as well

On your journey to building a healthy relationship, you’ll need to let go of many things at different points. You’ll need to compromise a lot (even as your partner does the same for you). 

This is because letting go of your goal post is sometimes the only way to keep your relationship going (free of bitterness and unnecessary fights). 

Here’s an example. You’ve decided to hang out with your partner for the evening and picked the perfect restaurant (or so you think). 

However, that restaurant is in a part of town your partner doesn’t feel comfortable visiting. 

Instead of pushing them to come with you, how about the both of you select a mutually conducive spot? 

That way, you can enjoy your evening and prevent a nasty argument. 

9. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt 

It’s easy to assume that your partner is hiding something from you whenever they don’t act as you would have expected. As a result, you may lash out and hurt them in the process. 

One of the easiest ways to let go of control issues in your relationship is always to give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Make excuses for them before assuming the worst. 

Making excuses for them benefits you first. By giving them the benefit of the doubt, you let go of anxiety and any fears you would have had – until they have explained themselves to you. 

10. Use your hobbies as a channel 

One of the ways to let go of control in a relationship is to find creative ways to indulge in your hobbies, especially when you feel overwhelmed and anxious. There’s every possibility that you wouldn’t be successful if you try to keep all that negative energy inside you. So, immediately channel it out of your body by engaging in one of your best hobbies. 

For example, you’re talking with your partner and begin to feel like things are getting out of hand. One way to prevent any further deterioration of that conversation might be to pick up the remote and decide to catch up with the last episode of your favorite tv show on Netflix. 

Doing this gives yourself something else to focus on – instead of the argument you think you must win. 

Related Reading: 6 Hobbies That Will Strengthen Your Relationship

11. Communication is critical 

As you figure out how to let go of control in a relationship, you must constantly communicate with your partner. Make time to have deep and meaningful conversations with your partner, away from the noise and distractions around you. 

Keep your phones aside and turn off all gadgets. Let your partner know they’ve got your full attention while you talk about the things that bother you. 

When you get into these kinds of conversations, please don’t leave your partner in the dark about your feelings. No matter how ridiculous you may think it is, remember that they cannot allay your fears if they don’t know them in the first place. 

12. Learn to delegate 

If you are a control freak, delegating responsibilities to your partner may be challenging. Because you think you can do a better job, you may never see the need to allow your partner to take over some responsibilities. While this may not be a big deal to you, it may mean the whole world to your partner.  

By allowing your partner to take over some responsibilities, you give them a sense of community. You make them feel needed in the relationship, which can, in turn, strengthen the quality of your relationship. 

13. Less pushiness 

Sometimes, a little extra nudge might be what you need to get your partner up and going. At other times, however, it can be your way of forcing your partner into doing what they would have otherwise not done. 

To have a healthy relationship, you must understand how to be assertive without being pushy. Prod your partner (when there’s a need for that) but ensure you don’t become a pushy partner. 

14. Appreciate and celebrate your partner 

One of the easiest ways to let go of control in a relationship is to be intentional about celebrating and appreciating your partner. In addition to making them feel important and useful to you, you train your mind to see their value to the relationship. 

This automatically skyrockets your respect for them, places them on the same mental pedestal as you, and helps you trust their judgment. When these happen, you will notice that your tendency to be controlling will begin to reduce. 

Then again, give it time.

Related Reading: Why You Should Harness the Power of Appreciation in Relationships

15. Get expert help 

Suppose you have issues letting go of control in your relationship (even after trying out the 14 tips we discussed earlier). In that case, you may want to allow a therapist to offer professional guidance. It could result from a negative experience you’ve had in the past or deep-seated insecurity. Consider getting expert help under these conditions. 

Related Reading: 6 Reasons to Get Professional Marriage Counseling Advice

The importance of letting go of control 

The importance of letting go of control in a relationship cannot be overemphasized. You automatically set your relationship up to be between when you let go of control. 

1. You give your partner a sense of community 

One of the easiest ways to make your partner know they have a place with you is by letting go of control. When you delegate responsibility, you make them know they are useful to you, and this sense of community can strengthen your relationship. 

2. By letting go, you set your relationship up for success 

Another way to have a healthy relationship is by letting go of that obsession to always be right. Your partner needs to feel validated as well. 

This will, sometimes, mean that you’d step aside and allow them to be right. The unbridled desire to always be right will only turn you into a monster that never allows your partner to feel relaxed in the relationship. 

3. Letting go of control gives you peace of mind 

Imagine how easy your life will become when you learn how to make excuses for your partner. You’ll be able to sleep better at night, focus on the things that matter to you, and be more productive when you aren’t analyzing everything and looking for loopholes from your partner. 

Letting go of control gives you the space you need to exist and enjoy the best things in life. There’s only so much you can do on an average day. Why don’t you discover how to let go of control in a relationship? 

4. Letting go helps 

Sometimes, you may not know the true capabilities of your partner until you have let go of some things and allowed them to take on more responsibilities. It is only at this point that you may discover that you have been with a resourceful, tenacious leader without knowing it. 

You allow your partner’s good qualities to shine through when you let go. As they take on more responsibilities, they grow and get better. This also leaves you more productive as you can channel your energies into the things that need your attention. 

Related Reading: How to Let Go of the Past: 15 Simple Steps

Summary 

Sometimes, knowing how to let go of control in a relationship can be the only thing you need to make that relationship work. As we said earlier, no one wants to be a control freak, and you wear your partner away when you try to control every aspect of the relationship. 

Use the 15 tips this article covers to let things go in a relationship. Then again, don’t be ashamed to get professional help if letting go on your own seems to be a challenge.