Jealousy is an ugly companion; it loves to imagine scenarios that would ruin your day and piss off your partner.
It incessantly whispers negative thoughts in your ears until you believe your partner is the devil incarnate.
It may even look cute at some point and stroke the ego of your partner. Still, over time, it will create irreparable cracks in the foundation of your relationship.
That said, it only leads to disasters.
So we ask ourselves how to stop being jealous? How to stop being so jealous that it ruins our relationship?
Here’s the problem, You can’t.
How to stop being jealous in a relationship
If you truly love someone, you can’t help being jealous at one time or another.
It is a natural reaction to falling in love, and it happens to the best of us. What you can do is to reduce the moments that you are jealous and be mature enough to never overreact to it when it does happen.
When we are jealous of someone in a romantic sense, not the type of envy we feel when someone drives a Ferrari next to your outdated minivan, it affects our ego and self-esteem.
We feel someone is intruding in our intimate space, and it’s affecting our self-worth as a person. We can’t control how we feel, but we can control how we react to it.
A lot of Alpha personalities assert their territory at this point. It often leads to fights and arguments. But it can also lead to a quick resolution when a tiger meets a kitten. It can even strengthen the bonds between partners if they feel protected and acknowledged by their Alpha partner.
But when a Tiger meets a Snake, it becomes a bloody mess.
So if you are an Alpha personality, learn how to assert your territory without it leading to bloodshed. You may be able to get away with it, but it will still ruin everyone’s day. Nobody wants that.
So how does one stop being jealous in a relationship? You don’t, you just have to control yourself and your emotions to make sure things do not get worse. If your partner is the instigating party and flirts openly with other people in your presence, then it’s a different problem altogether.
Lay the ground rules, be on the same page with your partner. Make sure that both of you understand what actions make the other partner jealous.
Build your self-esteem
Jealousy is also a form of insecurity. If you want to know how to stop being jealous and insecure, then you will need to have a self-worth of yourself. In this double standard world, high self-esteem is different from a narcissistic personality.
If you trust and believe that you are such a catch that your partner would not even think about cheating on you for fear of losing you, then you are not likely to feel jealous.
But there’s a thin line between high self-esteem and narcissism. In other words, it’s interpreting between trust and delusions.
If you are delusional, then that’s an excellent way on how to stop being jealous, but that will solve one problem and make new ones.
If you trust your partner enough and believe their relationship with you is too special, then you feel secure. The problem is how to make a distinction between the two. Another problem is if you are delusional, you would never figure it out.
So talk to your partner about your trust circle. Check out if your trust is based on truths and not a bloated perception of your self-worth. Your partner will tell you how much you and your relationship means to them.
How to stop being jealous and controlling
Jealousy is also about control.
You feel jealous because you think someone is pissing on your lawn. A lot of men and women attribute jealousy to “stealing their property.” First, your partner is not your property. They are a living breathing person who used their free will to choose to be with you.
You do not own them, they do not own you, you just have a mutual understanding and commitment.
The moment you feel jealous because you consider your partner as a possession instead of a free soul who chose to love and be with you, then it is also another problem altogether.
Possessiveness is a problem.
If your jealousy stems from possessiveness, then it is only a symptom of a bigger behavioral misalignment.
Learn to deal with possessiveness in a relationship. It will, in effect, teach you how to stop being jealous. Learn to respect your partner as a person. Trust that they know their own limits.
They are rational human beings capable of making the right choices (hopefully) on their own. If they are not mature enough to make the right choice, then again, that’s a different problem, and jealousy is the least of your problems.
Take the high road and stop being possessive and controlling.
If you love someone, and they continue to make the wrong choices in your relationship, then it is time to re-evaluate your relationship as a whole. Jealousy be damned. What you are feeling is completely justified.
Jealousy is a b****
Don’t be one.
Jealousy leads to misinterpretation, which in turn, leads to actions that can ruin the relationship. You can’t help feeling jealous from time to time, and it can even strengthen your relationship.
But overreacting and being a controlling sociopath will never lead to a happy ending.
If you truly love a person and care about your relationship. Have an intimate conversation about your insecurities.
A healthy couple knows and understands each other’s strengths and weaknesses. They would never deliberately harm your relationship for a bit of fun. The only way to achieve that level of intimacy is to discuss it (after sex is great).
Assuming your own ground rules is dangerous, especially if your partner is in the Myers-Briggs extroverted personality types.
So if you want to know the best way how to stop being jealous, have an intimate and understanding partner who will never make you feel that way.