Does Living With in-Laws Affect Your Marriage? 10 Ways to Deal

Many couples have pondered over the question ‘’Does living with in-laws affect your marriage?’’ 

Commonly, many couples face turmoil in their marriage due to poor relationships with their in-laws. As per a study by the law firm Slater and Gordon, almost a third of those surveyed accepted that issues with in-laws and extended family are often cited as a reason for divorce.

Although this number isn’t remarkably high, it’s still alarming since marriage should never end due to poor relationships because of people outside the marriage.

In life, it is never good to have a spoiled relationship and as we age this becomes truer. As human beings, most of us strive to live lives that are uplifting, rewarding, and wholesome. 

We want to be remembered for the amazing things we did in our lives, not the mishaps we may have made along the way. One way to ensure that our memory lives on with positivity is by repairing and building upon any broken relationships that may exist.

If you’re facing difficulty in repairing your relationship with your in-laws, but genuinely want to resolve matters, we offer some suggestions in this article to make this easier:

How do in-laws affect a marriage?

As per a study, a lot of Americans take relationships with in-laws very seriously and consider it an important aspect of their married life. It is also true that living with in-laws can ruin marriages.

In-laws can have a significant impact on a marriage, both positively and negatively. Strong relationships with supportive in-laws can provide valuable emotional and practical support. However, conflicts with in-laws can create stress and strain in a marriage, particularly when in-laws interfere in the couple’s decision-making or criticize their spouse. 

It’s important for couples to establish boundaries with their in-laws and communicate openly about any issues that arise to prevent them from negatively affecting the marriage.

10 ways your relationship with your in-laws affects your marriage

The relationship a couple has with their in-laws can have a significant impact on their marriage. Here are ten ways in which in-laws can affect a marriage:

1. Emotional support

Does living with in-laws affect your marriage and emotional well-being? Certainly yes.

Having supportive in-laws can provide a couple with emotional support during tough times. This can help to strengthen the bond between the couple and their in-laws.

2. Financial support

In some cases, in-laws may provide financial support to a couple. While this can be beneficial, it’s important to ensure that any financial arrangements don’t put a strain on the marriage.

3. Conflict

Balancing problematic in-laws and marriage can be tricky. 

Conflicts with in-laws can create stress and tension in a marriage. It’s important for couples to establish boundaries with their in-laws and communicate openly about any issues that arise.

4. Decision-making

In-laws may have opinions on the decisions a couple makes, particularly when it comes to major life events like having children or buying a house. It’s important for couples to make their own decisions and not allow their in-laws to interfere.

Related Reading: Ways to Make a Strong Decision Together

5. Criticism

When you’re already going through issues in your marriage and in-laws start taking interest in them, it can get pretty rough.

In-laws may criticize a spouse, which can create tension and hurt feelings. It’s important for couples to communicate openly about any issues with their in-laws and address them directly.

6. Interference

If you’re wondering ‘’Does living with in-laws affect your marriage’’, the answer is yes because there can be constant interference in your life.

In-laws may try to interfere in a couple’s relationship, whether by offering unwanted advice or attempting to control their decisions. It’s important for couples to establish boundaries and assert their independence.

7. Family traditions

Contradicting traditions is another situation when in-laws affect your marriage and life.

In-laws may have different family traditions than a couple, which can create tension during holidays or other family events. It’s important for couples to communicate openly about their expectations and compromise to find a solution that works for everyone.

8. Religion and culture

In-laws may have different religious or cultural beliefs than a couple, which can create tension. It’s important for couples to respect each other’s beliefs and find ways to compromise and accommodate each other.

9. Grandparenting

If you have children, managing in-laws, and marriage problems together can be a real deal.

In-laws may have different expectations for their role as grandparents than a couple does. It’s important for couples to communicate openly about their expectations and establish boundaries.

10. Inherited traits

In-laws may have passed on certain traits or behaviors to their spouse, which can affect the couple’s relationship. It’s important for couples to recognize these behaviors and work together to address any issues that arise.

Related Reading: 10 Personality Traits That Lead to High-Conflict in Relationships

5 tips for setting healthy boundaries with your in-laws

Setting healthy boundaries with in-laws is important for maintaining a healthy marriage. Here are five tips for setting healthy boundaries with your in-laws:

Communicate openly

While dealing with in-laws in marriage, try to keep an honest approach. Conflict with in-laws is common but what matters is your way of addressing the issue. 

Communicating openly with your in-laws is key to establishing healthy boundaries. Be honest about your needs and expectations, and listen to their concerns as well.

Be assertive

Setting boundaries requires assertiveness. Don’t be afraid to say no or speak up when your in-laws cross a boundary.

Set clear expectations

Are you tired of your mother-in-law causing marriage problems? Maybe you didn’t set the right expectations with her.

Setting clear expectations helps to avoid misunderstandings. Be specific about what you are comfortable with and what you are not.

Related Reading: 10 Realistic Expectations in a Relationship

Compromise

Compromising with your in-laws can help to establish a healthy relationship. Find ways to accommodate each other’s needs and preferences.

Respect each other’s boundaries

Just as you have boundaries, your in-laws have boundaries as well. Respect their boundaries and expect the same in return.

Examples of healthy boundaries with in-laws could include setting limits on how often they visit or call, respecting each other’s parenting styles, and not interfering in each other’s decisions. 

Remember that setting boundaries is not about cutting off contact or creating conflict, but rather about establishing a healthy and respectful relationship with your in-laws.

Here are some more inputs on setting boundaries with your In-laws:

5 practical ways to improve your relationship with your in-laws

Improving your relationship with your in-laws can take effort, but it’s worth it for the sake of your marriage and family. Here are five practical ways to improve your relationship with your in-laws:

Show interest in their lives

Just like any other relationship, showing interest in your in-laws’ lives can help to strengthen your bond. Ask about their interests, hobbies, and work, and find common ground to connect on.

Spend quality time together

Wondering why do mother-in-law cause problems in your married life? Maybe because you two are yet to know each other.

Spending quality time with your in-laws can help to build a positive relationship. Plan activities or outings that you both enjoy, such as going to a movie or trying a new restaurant.

Respect their opinions and beliefs

Even if you don’t agree with your in-laws’ opinions or beliefs, it’s important to respect them. Avoid arguments and instead focus on finding common ground and understanding each other’s perspectives.

Communicate openly

Communication is key to any healthy relationship. Be honest and open with your in-laws, and encourage them to do the same. Address any issues that arise directly and calmly.

Related Reading: Open Communication In a Relationship: How to Make it Work

Show appreciation

Expressing gratitude and appreciation for your in-laws can go a long way in improving your relationship. Thank them for their support and kindness, and show them that you value their presence in your life.

Some relevant questions

Maintaining a healthy relationship with in-laws can be challenging, but it’s essential for a harmonious family life. Here are some frequently asked questions about navigating this relationship.

• Is it okay to not have a relationship with your in-laws at all?

At the end of it, it’s your life and your marriage, so you get to choose who you want in it. If you don’t have a relationship with your in-laws, that’s totally okay. Remember that your marriage comes first.

Not everyone has to be best buds with their in-laws, and sometimes it’s better to keep things at a distance. Just make sure you and your partner are on the same page and that you’re not causing any unnecessary drama or hurt feelings.

• Do people divorce due to in-laws?

While in-laws can certainly be a source of tension and conflict in a marriage, it’s rare for people to divorce solely because of their in-laws. Usually, there are other underlying issues that contribute to the breakdown of a marriage. 

However, if in-law issues are causing significant stress and strain on a relationship, it’s important for couples to address those issues or seek professional marriage advice to find ways to work through them and maintain a healthy and happy marriage. 

There’s no harm in focussing on things that benefit your marriage

Maintaining a positive relationship with your in-laws can be a challenging task, but it can also have a significant impact on the happiness and stability of your marriage. 

While it may not be necessary to have a close or intimate relationship with your in-laws, making an effort to communicate, show appreciation, and set healthy boundaries can go a long way in building a positive and supportive relationship. 

Ultimately, there’s no harm in focusing on things that benefit your marriage, including maintaining a positive relationship with your in-laws. It’s all about finding a balance that works for you and your partner.

Expert Q&A

My husband shouts and yells at me if I say anything about how his sister and mother have hurt me in the past and have created massive misunderstandings between us on purpose. What should I do?

Grady Shumway

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Expert Answer

It sounds really tough. When he reacts with anger, it might be out of defensiveness. Try expressing your feelings calmly and setting clear boundaries. If things don't improve, couples therapy could help create a space for honest conversation and understanding.

Ask Your Question

Ask My Question

Thanks! We'll do our best to answer your question and post it above.

Ask Another Question

Tips

Write your tip or submit a video tip

All tips are reviewed before the publishing.

You are: Reader Expert

Upload a Video Tip

>

Add your profile photo

Note - JPG, JPEG, PNG or GIF Max file 100Kb

Submit

We appreciate you sharing a tip for review!

Write Another Tip

Marriage.com Editorial Team Relationship & Marriage Advice

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less