Unravelling The Conundrum Of Communication Between Married Couples

Unravelling The Conundrum Of Communication Between Married Couples

Communication can be the sweetest thing that holds a relationship together, or it can be a confusing conundrum which seems to cause more trouble than joy. This is true for any relationship but especially when you are married. However, with a few tips and pointers you could be well on your way to navigating the maze, getting to know your spouse on a deeper level and learning to communicate well with each other as a married couple. These pointers will take each letter of the word C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N to bring you insights which can help you to communicate better with your spouse.

1. C… Connection

The starting point of communication is connection, and surprisingly communication does not necessarily create connection. Sometimes actions speak louder than words, and you need to reconnect with your spouse before any fruitful communication can take place. For example, if you are feeling distant from each other because of your busy schedules, then it won’t help to talk about it without cutting back somewhere so that you can spend more quality time together.

2. O… Openness

If you want to have good communication with your spouse there needs to be a level of openness and transparency. As you share with each other both your thoughts and feelings you will be able to communicate on a head level and a heart level. In order for openness to happen, there must be a feeling of safety where you both know that you will not be judged or criticized when you honestly share from your heart. Openness builds up trust as you learn to appreciate one another’s strengths and protect each other’s vulnerabilities.

3. M… Meaning

Mean what you say and say what you mean. Communication is all about understanding the meaning of what you say to each other. It is so easy to jump to conclusions and think you know what your spouse is going to say. But with careful listening and sensitivity, you will be able to find true and meaningful communication with the one that you love.

4. M… Making Requests

The saying goes that if you don’t ask you don’t get and this is also true in marriage. An important part of good communication between married couples is learning to make requests to one another. As you respectfully let each other know what makes you feel secure, loved and appreciated, you will be able to meet each other’s needs in a more satisfying and fulfilling manner.

5. U… Understanding

Understanding has a lot to do with knowing where you come from and where your spouse comes from. As you look back on your childhood, your family of origin and your cultural background you can gain valuable insights and understanding as to the ways in which you think and behave. If either or both of you have come from homes where there was abuse, addictions or divorce, you would do well to understand the impact that these things have had on you as individuals and now in your relationship as a married couple.


6. N…Noticing

Noticing small changes in your spouse will greatly improve your ability to communicate effectively. Perhaps your beloved is looking a little tired and you can offer to help in some way. Or maybe you can notice all that your spouse is doing in and around the home to make your life more pleasant and enjoyable. As you mention and remark on these things it will deepen your communication as a married couple and bring a sense of being appreciated and valued.

7. I… Innovation

Innovation means trying something new. Don’t be afraid to take a course or learn some new skill together with your spouse. It will give you an opportunity to see a whole new side of each other and boost your communication as you explore new avenues, whether it is going to the gym, canoeing, cooking or crafting.

8. C… Complementing

As a married couple, you have the wonderful opportunity to complement one another. That means where one of you is weak or lacking in some way, the other can fill in so that together you make a complete unit. Working together and communicating with each other as a team you can achieve so much more than you could as two separate individuals.

9. A… Attention

Paying careful attention to your spouse is foundational to good communication. Make sure that you have some time each day where you put your cell phones aside, switch off the TV’s and make eye contact with one another as you talk about your day and anything that may be on your minds.

10. T… Touching

And while you are talking, hold hands or snuggle together on the couch. As you stay in touch physically you will have a better chance of connecting emotionally and mentally which will, in turn, enhance the level of communication in your marriage.

11. I… Inspiration

When you and your spouse share the same faith and beliefs it can bring a sense of inspiration into your relationship. As you communicate together you will be able to spur one another on to stand up for your convictions and apply your faith in your daily lives.

12. O… Objectivity

Try to maintain a degree of objectivity as you remember that you are not alone. There are many married couples just like you and your spouse who are grappling with some of the very same communication struggles and issues that you are. Talk with like minded friends and find out what tips or strategies they have found helpful. Read up all you can and you will no doubt find much encouragement as you keep on communicating as a married couple.

13. N… No Giving Up

Communication can be a challenge, no matter what age or stage of life you are in. The important thing is that you do not give up – keep persevering, keep talking and listening, keep trusting that every day you can learn something more about the special person that you chose to spend the rest of your life with.