How to Get Over Hurt Feelings in a Relationship: 13 Ways

Are you and your partner going through a rough patch?

Maybe you feel broken after your trust has been betrayed. Hurt in a relationship is something most of us face, whether it’s romantic or with someone close. People inevitably hurt each other—it’s part of being vulnerable.

But what’s harder is knowing how to move forward. Learning how to get over hurt feelings in a relationship isn’t about pretending the pain doesn’t exist; it’s about giving yourself the time to heal.

This helps you focus on what truly matters—your well-being, personal growth, or even rebuilding the relationship.

What are hurt feelings in a relationship?

Hurt feelings in a relationship are emotional responses caused by perceived or actual actions, words, or behaviors that have negatively impacted one’s well-being or sense of security.

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker:

Feelings of hurt in a relationship often stem from factors like a lack of trust, respect, love, or value. Injury may also occur due to a lack of emotional support, understanding, and communication.

These situations damage people’s self-esteem and shake the basic foundations of the relationship. Healing hurt feelings takes time, understanding, open communication, and mutual effort.

They can arise from misunderstandings, conflicts, or breaches of trust and require open communication and empathy to address and heal. Many couples that hurt each other do so not because they are selfish or wicked. They do so because they don’t realize it.

We all come from different backgrounds, and adapting to another person’s lifestyle can be difficult. Therefore, individuals don’t always see their actions leaving their partner broken.

For example, you’ve been working all day and are tired. You request that your partner at home prepare a meal before you return, but they don’t. 

When you ask them why, they say they slept off.

Of course, you are well in your right to get angry, but your partner says they slept off, which is an uncontrollable action. Then, you both end up in a big fight. However, wallowing in pain and regret won’t solve the problem.

Getting angry will only mess you up emotionally. And in the silence you created during the argument, resentment builds up.

5 common causes of hurt feelings in a relationship

Why do feelings get hurt in relationships? It happens to all of us at some point. Relationships, even the healthiest ones, can experience moments of pain and emotional discomfort. It’s part of being human.

But what often causes this hurt?

Let’s take a look at 5 of the most common reasons that might leave someone feeling upset, misunderstood, or neglected, answering your question, “Why do I feel hurt in my relationship?”

1. Lack of effective communication

Misunderstandings and assumptions often come from poor communication. When partners don’t clearly express their needs or feelings, confusion follows.

Words might be misinterpreted, intentions misunderstood, or expectations not communicated… leaving someone feeling emotionally wounded.

2. Unresolved conflicts

Conflicts that are left unresolved can turn into something bigger. When problems are ignored or brushed aside, resentment starts to build.

Over time, these lingering issues deepen the emotional wounds, making it harder for both partners to feel at peace.

3. Violation of personal boundaries

Personal boundaries are sacred in any relationship. When these boundaries are crossed or not respected, it can cause significant emotional harm.

Whether it’s emotional, mental, or physical boundaries, the trust that forms the foundation of the relationship can weaken when these lines are blurred.

4. Infidelity, broken promises, or secrets

Acts of betrayal, like infidelity, broken promises, or kept secrets, can shatter trust. The hurt that follows can run deep and feel overwhelming.

Repairing the relationship after this kind of hurt takes time, patience, and a genuine effort from both partners.

5. Emotional neglect or lack of support

Feeling emotionally neglected or unsupported can leave someone feeling isolated and hurt.

When one partner feels that their emotions are dismissed or that there’s no empathy, it can weaken the bond and create emotional distance. Support, validation, and a sense of safety are crucial for both partners to feel connected.

How to get over hurt feelings in a relationship: 13 ways

Being hurt in a relationship by your partner affects you a lot. Regardless of what caused the hurt in a relationship, you must understand that pain is part of life. You will get better with time. 

But before you do, there are positive steps you can take on how to deal with the hurt. These tips will also show you how to trust someone again after they hurt you. Here they are:

1. Allow yourself to grieve

How to get over hurt feelings in a relationship?

Feel every bit of pain that comes from the issue. There is no point repressing your emotions when someone hurts you beyond repair – it is! Someone whom you trusted just broke your heart. 

As an emotional person, you are allowed to cry and express how you feel. When you pretend you are fine, you will likely cope with the hurt through unhealthy habits.

These include transferring aggression, lashing out at your friends, and smoking and drinking alcohol excessively, which is far beyond how to deal with emotional pain in a relationship.

2. Express your feelings clearly

How to move forward in a relationship after being hurt?

Express your feelings in a healthy way. Now that you know how you feel. Don’t just camp in your house for days thinking and swimming in self-pity or transferring aggression either. 

Instead, get to the bottom of the hurt in a relationship. Even though it sounds silly, you should speak to yourself about your feelings. 

If you can’t do that, get a journal and write everything down without mincing words or holding anything back. Write or say everything you feel until there is nothing more to say, which can make it easy when you want to learn how to let go of hurt in a relationship. 

3. Accept your hurt

Acknowledge your pain and label your emotions to learn how to handle hurt feelings in a relationship. When someone hurts you beyond repair, you feel disappointed. It can be painful that you can’t stand the person anymore and shut out the world. 

When you grieve over “my partner hurt my feelings,” remind yourself that feeling hurt by your partner at that moment is completely acceptable. Nevertheless, recognizing the hurt can help you heal faster.

Start by asking yourself, “Why do I feel the way I do?”

Is it because of the fight with your partner or what they said during the argument?

Keep asking these questions until you know where your ill feelings come from. 

For example, if it’s the words that hurt you and not the actual fight, you will know how to get over the hurt from the fight. In this scenario, you can talk to your partner and tell them that the words they said hurt you.

4. Talk to the other person in the relationship

One of the best ways to understand how to move past hurt in a relationship is to let someone know they hurt you. Indeed, this might be difficult for some people.

But it can help you heal faster than you think. Besides, it is a way of building healthy communication in a relationship.

Start a conversation in a low and calm tone. Tell them how you feel and how they crossed your boundaries and hurt you. Ensure you don’t yell or lash out at them. When you are finished, allow them to talk and listen actively.

Understand their point of view without judging. Remember, others might not even realize they hurt us. However, creating a safe place for communication will help you understand each other better.

5. Make positive emotional changes

Manage your emotions so as not to get hurt in a relationship. Indeed, you can’t change how you feel after being hurt in a relationship. However, there are ways to move things around to soothe you. Otherwise, they can take over your life and make you lose control.

One of the ways to make changes about your feelings is to take positive action. Taking steps to fix an issue ensures you don’t dwell on your pain.

For example, if your partner blames you for not helping out with some house chores even though you are always busy, try to do at least one house chore.

Similarly, distract yourself from your emotions by staying busy. Read some books, visit a friend, or go to the gym. You will hardly think about your problems when you are busy.

Also, you can try engaging in some exercises, including yoga, running, and swimming. These activities will make you light-headed and focus on what’s essential in your life.

Psychologist Mert Şeker says:

First, it is important to develop awareness in order to make positive emotional changes. Understanding yourself and your emotional state helps determine which areas you need to change.

Learning to identify negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones is also effective in maintaining emotional balance. You can develop supportive self-talk by evaluating yourself with understanding rather than criticism.

6. Don’t dwell on the past

How do you trust someone again after they hurt you?

Don’t focus on the relationship hurt of the past. You have felt the pain without repressing your emotions. You know precisely what you feel and why you feel that way.

Now, quit feeling sad about it. Don’t let this event define you and your subsequent actions. You must find closure and move on. That means thinking positively so you are not focusing on the issue.

One way to avoid dwelling on the past event after being hurt in a relationship is to learn from the problem. Highlight the lessons from the issue and create a feasible plan to deal with hurt and avoid similar situations in the future.

7. Focus on the crucial things in your life

What to do when you are hurt by someone you love? Look around at the broader picture.

Sometimes, being hurt in a relationship can close your eyes to the good things in your life. Irrespective of what transpired between you and your partner, understand that you are not broken. Appreciate the good things and people in your life.

Start by listing the activities that make you happy. Make a conscious effort to reconnect with these activities. Focusing on these events can change the awful ways you feel about yourself.

Importantly, be grateful for these things. Move closer to people who love you and improve your relationship with them.

Furthermore, try to make someone in your family or friends happy. Seeing others happy because of our actions can lift our spirits. Appreciate the little things, such as a good meal or the ability to wake up and see a remarkable turn of events in your life.

8. Take responsibility

What to do when your partner hurts your feelings?

How can you get over hurt feelings in a relationship?

Acknowledge your role in the event. Dwelling too much on how we are hurt might prevent us from seeing our role in events.

Think about the problem to know where you stand.

Could you have spoken or reacted differently?

Taking responsibility for your actions helps you know your weaknesses and shows you how to improve.  

9. Take care of yourself

How can you move forward in a relationship after being hurt?

Focus on self-care.

Taking care of yourself can take different forms, including financially, emotionally, physically, etc. For example, you can decide to take yourself out, get some new clothes, and eat good food.

These events help increase your self-worth and make you feel good about yourself.

10. Talk to someone

How to get over hurt feelings in a relationship?

You may need to speak to another person. After all that is said, you might still find it challenging to move forward when someone hurts you beyond repair. That’s where you need the help of an outsider with a unique perspective. 

Your family members and closest friends might be helpful when dealing with hurt feelings. You will be fine if you trust their judgment and opinion. On the other hand, these people might not be capable enough to see through the hurt you feel. 

Hence, a therapist or relationship counselor might provide great insight into your issue. They can also help you develop healthy ways to come up with your problems and how to move forward in the relationship.

11. Cultivate gratitude

Cultivating gratitude in your relationship can be a powerful way to shift focus from hurt feelings to the positive aspects of your connection. By intentionally expressing appreciation for your partner’s efforts and qualities, you uplift them and encourage a more positive atmosphere.

Start by acknowledging the little things your partner does—making you a coffee, listening to your concerns, or being there when you need support. Regularly voicing your gratitude, whether through words, notes, or small acts of kindness, reinforces your bond.

Consider keeping a gratitude journal to jot down what you appreciate about your partner or your relationship each day. This simple practice can help shift your mindset away from negativity and remind you of the love and commitment you share.

12. Seek professional help if needed

If the hurt feelings persist or seem insurmountable, consider seeking guidance from a qualified therapist or counselor. They can provide valuable insights, tools, and support to navigate the healing process and rebuild the relationship’s emotional well-being.

Professional help offers an objective perspective and specialized techniques for effective resolution.

Psychologist Şeker states:

Experienced professionals can offer an objective perspective, helping you deal with emotional difficulties more effectively. In a safe environment, you can reveal your problems, get learning opportunities, and equip yourself with strategies for faster emotional development.

With expert guidance, support, and solution orientation, you can achieve your goals more firmly.

Watch this TEDx Talk where Mandy Saligari talks about handling feelings before they handle you:

13. Practice active listening

Engage in active listening by giving your partner your full attention when they express their feelings. Avoid interrupting or formulating responses in your mind. Show empathy through verbal and non-verbal cues, such as nodding or summarizing their points. 

This enables a safe space for open communication, validates their emotions, and helps them feel heard and understood. Remember, active listening is a crucial component of effective communication and resolving hurt feelings in a relationship.

Toward a healthier relationship and a healthier self

As you manage your relationship’s ups and downs, remember that healing and growth are possible! By recognizing the common causes of hurt feelings and actively working through them, you’re not only improving your connection with your partner but also nurturing your emotional well-being.

Embracing practices like effective communication, setting boundaries, and cultivating gratitude can transform your relationship into a source of joy and support. This journey is not always easy, but it’s worth it.

Every step you take toward healing brings you closer to a healthier relationship and a healthier self. So, take a deep breath, stay open, and remember: you’re not alone on this path!

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

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We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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