How do you set boundaries when starting a relationship
The beginning of relationships is the best time to set dating boundaries. The sooner your partner knows where your limits are, the sooner they can start respecting them and learning to understand you better.
Routines can be difficult to break. When you set dating relationship boundaries at the start of your relationship, you avoid falling into bad habits that make it harder to adjust how you treat each other.
15 ways of setting boundaries in a new relationship
Boundaries in relationships are essential. They help prevent enmeshment.
When you think of the word enmeshment, you probably think of something tangled together, like a fishing wire or a pile of necklaces.
Once something is tangled, it takes time to untangle it.
The same is true of dating relationship boundaries. Once you become enmeshed with your partner, you may feel trapped – and it can feel like forever until your relationship adjusts to your needs.
Beginning on the right note is why it is so important to address boundaries at the start of a new relationship before any destructive patterns have formed.
Here are some ways of setting boundaries in a new relationship that could work for you:
1. Communicate your needs
One of the biggest tips for setting boundaries in relationships is to communicate.
Studies show that couples who communicate have more effective and positive interactions.
Communication is beneficial for setting boundaries when dating. Communicating regularly helps you get to know each other better and allows you to revisit boundaries that have changed since you last talked about them.
Fidelity is an important topic to discuss when setting boundaries in relationships, especially new ones.
How do you and your spouse feel about:
Dancing with other people?
Flirting with other people?
Engaging in sexual activity online? (Such as watching pornography, entering sex chats, or sending nudes)
Starting a new relationship is the perfect time to discuss what constitutes cheating to both you and your spouse.
It is also beneficial to discuss your emotional cheating boundaries (fantasizing about someone else, discussing past sexual encounters, or having an emotionally intimate relationship with someone else.)
6. Be honest about what you’re bringing into the relationship
You do not have to air your baggage to a new partner the minute you become a couple, but being in a relationship means telling the truth about certain things.
Do you have children from a previous relationship?
Are you currently in-between jobs?
Are you deathly allergic to pets (or unwilling to part with your beloved pooch, even if your partner is allergic)?
Your new partner isn’t entitled to know all of your secrets just because you’re in a relationship, but knowing some of the things mentioned above is a kind courtesy.
7. Money talks
According to a study of money and marriage, disagreements about finances are one of the more repetitive and unresolved couples’ arguments.
While you certainly shouldn’t be laying your financial resume out at the beginning of a relationship, it can be helpful to discuss such points as:
Are you comfortable lending money in romantic relationships?
How do you feel about dinner dates (do you expect one partner to pay, do you prefer to pay for yourself, or do you like to go in 50/50)
Do you prefer to keep financial talk off the table completely?
Letting your partner know about financial boundaries to set in relationships will help them avoid overstepping in your money matters.
The era of the beginning of relationships has a beautiful charm, but disagreements will inevitably arise, and the sooner you talk about argument boundaries in relationships, the better.
Talk to your spouse about setting healthy conflict resolution techniques and not bringing up past mistakes to win an argument or using foul language and insults to make a point. This is an important step in setting boundaries in a new relationship.
Discuss a strategy for coming together to discuss the problem and how you can solve it as a team.
11. Treat your partner how you want to be treated
Sometimes actions speak louder than words. If you are new to setting boundaries in a new relationship, modeling how you want to be treated can be an effective tool for building healthy boundaries.
For example, don’t be a hypocrite if you tell your partner that you aren’t comfortable with them checking your phone or taking something without asking first.
Treat your spouse how you want to be treated by showing them the same respect that you are asking for.
12. Do some soul-searching
Setting boundaries in a new relationship is important if you want to build a healthy partnership, but it doesn’t always come easy.
Do some soul-searching to identify your limits and permit yourself to share that relationship boundaries list with the person you care about.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.