The dating phase is often unclear. There are mixed signals, and you can’t even ask your potential partner about the next steps too soon. Taking things nice and slow is one mantra to stick by.
However, there are times you really need to decode before moving forward. How to tell what a guy wants from you? Well, you can’t be upfront too early, but you can surely figure it out, no matter what point of dating you are in.
Does he want something more or is he looking for the exit?
While each relationship is unique, everyone entering into a new partnership, even those in a longer-term companionship, is vulnerable and lacking communication skills. Most often, these limitations lead to insecurities for the other person and ultimately a lack of trust.
Sadly, pressure can further push a man into quiet solitude, not knowing what a guy wants in a relationship himself. Many want to avoid confrontation but prefer that the lady take the initiative in most scenarios, especially when it involves communication.
The funny thing is you see so many men opening up to journalists about all the things they wish they could reveal to their partners. In order to know how to tell what a guy wants from you, you have to understand certain signs.
The secrets they share are never what a partner believes. While all men are different, most don’t have a desire to say goodbye. Quite the opposite, many want to find a way to get closer but are genuinely scared that their partner might not want to.
So, you might want to look at yourself – what signals are you sending? That might help you determine in a better way how to know what a guy wants from you if you understand yourself better.
Finding ways to determine how to tell what a guy wants from you can prove challenging, but it doesn’t mean that person is incapable of emotion, thoughts, or most certainly desire. He merely has difficulty verbalizing those feelings in words.
For those who are astute, you can get a lot of information from body language. Men often reveal clues relating to their deepest secrets with non-verbal cues.
It can take time to become familiar with someone’s particular “communicative” habits.
Still, once you get to know the person, it can tremendously help the relationship, possibly leading to his opening up in a more verbal context once he feels safe. That’s not a guarantee but something to keep in your back pocket while showing him he can trust you.
15 questions to reveal what he’s trying to say
Men do open up, but generally not to the right person.
It seems they’ll talk to their best friend, most likely family, maybe coworkers, and, of course, the journalist for a few magazines and newspapers that they hang out with relating to what a guy wants from a girl, but nothing when it comes to you.
But ultimately, the consensus is they do want you to know how to tell what a guy wants from you.
Some of the secrets they decided to share might surprise and shock some of the insecure partners out there.
Let’s check out these most sought-after revelations:
1. Is non-responsiveness equating to an I don’t love you?
Some men freeze when they’re unsure of precisely the correct answer for a particular situation or in a heated discussion.
That isn’t implying that he doesn’t care; he doesn’t want to speak out of anger and make things worse, making a lot of sense. And he doesn’t know a way to explain to you how to know what he wants from the argument.
Too often, people continue to argue, saying hurtful things that they genuinely don’t mean, bringing harm to the relationship that could have been avoided if one of them had stayed quiet.
2. Can you be straight-up when your partner asks you a question?
If you’re not fine but say you’re okay, that’s no way to resolve a situation. It’s much better to be direct, indicating what precisely it is that’s bothering you so the other person can give you a reasonable explanation to help you understand how to tell what a guy wants
No good will come if neither of you knows what’s happening to fix the feelings directed into the room. A definite way to tell what a guy wants from you in this situation is by him coming to you and explicitly asking you if there’s a problem.
When you say no, you’re limiting the communication and creating an unhealthy environment.
3. Are men getting their needed affection from you sometimes?
All too often, one partner takes the lead in coming in for hugs and kisses and holding the other companion when it comes to bedtime.
A lot of guys genuinely want to have some of these things initiated with them sometimes. It wouldn’t be unheard of to split the difference with your man.
Everyone likes to have the safety and security of someone comforting them as they fall off to sleep, regardless of their sex. It’s just human instinct to enjoy what makes you think of protection from when you were small.
First hug, first kiss – it’s exciting and makes you feel loved and thought about.
In following that same concept, appreciation and compliments fall into this same category.
Men enjoy getting compliments and love the feeling of being appreciated. It enlivens their spirit and makes them want to do more for you. Making them feel good about themselves boosts their ego and encourages them to try that much harder to make you smile.
4. Can he have his alone time without you feeling unloved?
Often when someone says they need some time alone, the other partner believes there’s a breakup on the horizon. That’s rarely the case. In many instances, each person has their own set of friends or family members they want to catch up with.
Perhaps, there’s genuinely a day that he wants to have some private, alone time just because we all need that to reset sometimes.
5. Are first dates tough for both people?
Each person is nervous and unsure of themselves on a first date. You don’t have to worry about how to tell what a guy wants from you on a first date because he’s too worried whether he’s dribbling soup from his mouth.
The ideal situation is just to open up and laugh about it while you’re there to relieve all the pressure you’re both experiencing.
That way, no one has to worry what the other’s expectations might be, especially if there’s any fear over how you’ll handle the first kiss or whether there will be a more intimate encounter.
Sometimes partners forget to say thank you or show appreciation for even the small things that the other person does.
It’s not genuinely because there’s a lack of gratitude, but more so, after a period of time, things just get taken for granted. That’s a shame, but it’s the way of most relationships when they get comfortable.
Regardless of how much time passes, each person needs to make a point of recognizing the other one’s efforts and speaking that praise.
There are times when one or both people in a partnership find themselves lacking sexual satisfaction. If the man is not interested in sex, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t desire you.
It could be stress or pressure from work overload, or it might very well be something health-related.
Before jumping to any conclusions, communicate with your partner about what’s going on in his life that might be preventing him from relaxing. Find out if there is excessive stress on the job front or maybe make an appointment with the physician.
8. Why are compliments difficult to share with men?
Unfortunately, it seems as though one person in a relationship tends to give more compliments than the other in a majority of scenarios.
That’s not something intentional. It seems to be the way partnerships have just developed since back in the day. Still, each person needs to put forth an honest effort to show the other what they love about them.
It’s not a need for validation, we take care of that for ourselves. It’s merely a matter of expressing what it is that makes the other person so attractive to you, why they shine in your eyes. That can prove to be encouraging and motivating for both of you.
Most often, men don’t have any idea what’s happening when they find their mate sitting in a sulk, indicating nothing is wrong when clearly there’s a problem. They certainly don’t realize or remember doing anything to cause the situation.
When you don’t share, no one wins. Generally, you don’t speak for a while. Then, ultimately, things go back to being okay again with no resolution to whatever the problem was, to begin with, leaving the man completely confused. Plus, he’ll probably do whatever it was again since he’s clueless.
10. Why is he grumpy, maybe you did something wrong?
Not everything that happens in a man’s life will be a result of something you did. If he comes home in a foul mood or wakes up grumpy, dreading the day, it doesn’t necessarily relate to you.
He might be having a tough time at work. There could be some pressure on a project, or perhaps he’s trying to get a promotion, both causing a great deal of stress.
If he doesn’t want to talk about the situation, allow him his time to work through the situation as he needs to. You can be supportive and try to keep other stressors at home to a minimum.
11. Why does he have to make the decisions when he’s up for anything?
Men appear to blank out when their partner asks for a decision on something like where to go for dinner or make plans for a night out.
It’s not that they don’t care about spending time with you. It’s simply that they enjoy time together regardless of where you go and what you do; the activity is just a bonus.
As a rule, usually, he prefers to let you make plans to ensure your good time because he knows that he’s basically up for anything.
When you find a man attractive, there’s no hard-and-fast rule that says the man has to be the one to reach out first.
There’s nothing wrong with merely saying “hello” or asking mutual friends for a phone number and giving him a call. Men appreciate not having to always put themselves at risk for rejection.
When you show interest first, it makes him more confident and comfortable in getting to know you. There might be fewer nerves and less awkwardness on each part compared to when he makes the first move.
Check out this useful video that explains how you can make the first move on a guy:
15. Is sex off the table on the first date?
Of course, everyone wants to be safe, and few want to have a string of one-night-stands. But as two mature adults who have a sense of judgment when it comes to whether a sexual encounter will be empty or meaningful, first-date sex shouldn’t be taboo.
Men aren’t always out for sex on the first date; that’s not necessarily their plan, as some potential partners might believe. In some cases, the date is more interesting than the man.
But if two consenting adults have a feeling of desire and attraction after an enjoyable evening of getting to know each other, they should go with what comes naturally.
Spot the signs he’s only interested in sex
If things go well on a first date, each person’s mind tends to stray towards the end of the night, with thoughts turning to the first kiss. If you wonder how to tell what a guy wants from you, it might be helpful to just turn the conversation in that direction.
For guys that are having those thoughts, you can get an indication by seeing a few signs like:
Hug and kiss on the cheek when he arrives
Sexy clothes, slacks with a nice button-down
He avoids spending money on you
He avoids talking about taking the relationship further with you
He mostly prefers late night calls
Touchy throughout the small talk
Staring into your eyes
When you suggest going back to your place, he’s quick to agree
He leaves right after sex
He brags about sex
Your gut feeling says he isn’t the one
No rules are indicating how to handle this type of situation. It’s perfectly okay to ask in a lighthearted way how he sees the evening ends. If you disagree with his version, you can put the brakes on right there and take a cab home.
But if you’re on the same page, you can progress through a lovely evening and invite him up after dinner.
Men are in the hotspot here with partners attempting to figure out how to tell what a guy wants from you. In all fairness, they could genuinely turn that around on their significant others just as quickly. Communication is tough.
Putting two vulnerable people in a relationship complete with individual insecurities and expectations running around their minds will often form flaws we unknowingly attach to our partners, equating to fodder for not only magazine pieces but psychological literature, medical articles, and educational essays.
Where do we go wrong?
Perhaps, losing touch with honesty. Many partners face brutal honesty by recoiling because they have to face their truth. If everyone let go of all the games (just between themselves) and came out with a direct, authentic approach, it would be refreshing, and those relationships would last – perhaps.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.