If you find yourself thinking, “My boyfriend doesn’t love me anymore,”it may be because it seems like he doesn’t care about the relationship. Consider the following twenty signs:
1. You seem to be his last priority
At the start of the relationship, when things were going well, your boyfriend or husband probably put you first. He took you into consideration when making plans, and it seemed like your happiness was his top priority.
If you get the sense thathe doesn’t care about your feelings, you may notice that you have become a final option for him. He would much rather hang out with friends or spend time engaged in a hobby than hang out with you.
He may even avoid you altogether when making plans and only end up with you when he has no other options. This is a clear indicator that he doesn’t care enough.
2. The relationship is centered on sex
While many people value sex in a relationship, it is not the only aspect of a successful partnership. If he only wants to spend time with you when the two of you are having sex, this is one of the signs he doesn’t care about you.
Certainly, it is expected that the two of you should have a sexual connection, but a man who cares about you will also want to spend quality time together outside of sex.
If he is just getting his sexual needs met but doesn’t want to spend time together anymore, you are probably justified in feeling, “My boyfriend doesn’t care about me.”
3. He’s distant
It is normal for people in long-term relationships to have separate interests and spend some time apart, but if he is so distant that he avoids you altogether, this is probably one of the biggest signs he doesn’t care about you.
When a partner cares about you, he will want to spend time together. If you’re in a situation where it seems like your husband or boyfriend doesn’t care, you may notice that he completely distances himself from you.
Perhaps he goes to work, heads out to dinner with friends afterward, and doesn’t come home until it is time for bed.
4. You feel like you are chasing him
When he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, it will seem as if he is pulling away, and you are chasing after him. This can look like you begging him for time, attention, or effort, and he gives very little to you.
A partner who cares will want to know about the details of your day-to-day life, such as how your meeting at work went or what you did during your girls’ night out.
When he doesn’t care, you will probably find that he rarely checks in on you or asks how you’re doing. He may tell you how his life is going but neglect to ask about you.
6. He can’t tell when you’re upset
Someone who cares about you as a person and values your feelings will be able to tell when you’re upset simply by looking at your facial expressions or picking up on a change in your tone of voice.
If you’re wondering, “Don’t you care about me anymore?” you may realize that your boyfriend doesn’t comfort you when you’re sad, which is probably because he doesn’t care enough to even realize that you’re upset.
7. You don’t feel comfortable around him
Maybe this means you always wear makeup when he is around, or perhaps you’re afraid to show emotions or let him know when you are upset.
If this is the case, you have probably picked up on the fact that he doesn’t care, so you are afraid to get comfortable in his presence.
8. The two of you don’t really talk
If he truly cares about you, he will want to have deep conversations to get to know you.
If you notice that you and your boyfriend never talk about your hopes, dreams, or future goals, this can be a pretty clear indicator that he doesn’t care about the relationship.
9. He doesn’t remember what you say
People who care about each other are willing to listen to each other and remember the details of what the other person says.
If your boyfriend seems to forget the details of your stories or doesn’t remember things you have told him, he probably isn’t paying very close attention when the two of you are talking, which is a fair reason to believe, “He doesn’t care about me.”
10. You feel lonely when the two of you are together
It’s normal to feel lonely from time to time, but your relationship should be a place where you feel loved, cared for, and understood.
If you feel alone when you are with your significant other, this is a sign that there is some distance between the two of you, and it could be a sign that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
On the other hand, he could be pulling away from the relationship if he never talks about your future plans together. If he doesn’t care enough to talk about the next steps in your relationship, this can be a red flag.
12. He flirts with other women, and he doesn’t even bother hiding it
If your man openly flirts with other women and doesn’t care that he does it in front of you, this is a clear sign that he doesn’t care about the relationship anymore.
If he’s invested in you, he won’t have any interest in other women, and he definitely shouldn’t be willing to hurt your feelings by giving attention to other women.
13. You feel no effort from him
When he doesn’t care, you will be able to sense that he gives no effort.
Maybe he stops trying to spend time with you or gives absolutely no effort toward helping around the house or trying to make you happy.
14. He blames you for everything that goes wrong
Relationships require compromise, as well as apologizing for mistakes and accepting responsibility for them. That being said, one of the clearsigns he doesn’t care about you is when he makes everything your fault.
This means that any time there is a disagreement, he will become defensive and tell you everything you did wrong because he doesn’t care enough to resolve the issue and make the relationship work.
15. He doesn’t consult you about decisions
Successful relationships involve a partnership between two people, which means your significant other should take your opinions and preferences into consideration when making big decisions.
If your man makes all the decisions and doesn’t ever seem to care about your thoughts on matters like finances, day-to-day plans, or changes to the house you share, this suggests that he doesn’t care.
Maybe he thinks he is above you, or perhaps he feels the need to have all the control over you.
16. You haven’t met important people in his life
A partner who wants you around will introduce you to important people, such as his roommates, friends, or parents.
If you have been dating for quite some time and your boyfriend still hasn’t introduced you to the other people in his life, this is a red flag that he doesn’t care about the relationship.
17. He never does anything nice for you
If yourboyfriend doesn’t care, you might notice that he always expects you to do favors for him, but he never seems to do anything for you in return.
Maybe you are always bringing him lunch, cleaning up after him, or making his favorite dinner, but something as simple as asking him to pick something up at the store on the way home is too much for him.
18. You’re always the first one to reach out and make plans
Relationships should be at least somewhat reciprocal, so if you are the only one reaching out to make plans, this isn’t a good sign.
When he doesn’t care, you’ll probably notice that you’re always the first to text, and he never seems to contact you first.
19. He expects you to pay for everything
In a long-term relationship, there certainly isn’t anything wrong with sharing expenses or asking the woman to step in and pay for dinner from time-to-time, but if you pay for absolutely everything and he never spends a dime, this might suggest that he doesn’t care enough to do his fair share.
A man who truly cares will want to treat you to dinner or buy gifts for special occasions.
20. He’s pursuing other women
This probably goes without being said, but if you catch your boyfriend chatting with other women behind your back, messaging them on the Internet, or making plans to meet up, this is a clear sign he doesn’t care about the relationship anymore.
If he is committed to you and cares about staying in the relationship, he will have no interest in going after other women.
What to do when your boyfriend doesn’t care anymore.
If you notice signs he doesn’t care, you are probably wondering what to do. You may be thinking, “I feel like my boyfriend doesn’t love me.”While it may be true, it is important not to jump to any conclusions.
Open communication is important for relationships, so if you feel that he doesn’t care, it is probably time to have a talk. Explain to him that you have noticed some behaviors that suggest to you that he doesn’t care about the relationship anymore,and see what he says.
Maybe he is stressed about something at work, or there is a problem with the relationship that he has been afraid to discuss. If this is the case, you may be able to address the issue and come up with a plan for resolving it.
On the other hand, if your boyfriend becomes defensive and refuses to address the issue, or he promises to change but continues to make no effort, it may be that he doesn’t care enough to try to save the relationship. In this case, it is probably time to move on.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation for a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology. She has worked in the social work field for 8 years and is currently a professor at Mount Vernon Nazarene University. She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness.
Licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and school social worker through Ohio Department of Education as well as a personal trainer through American Council on Exercise.