How Often You Should Say “I Love You” to Your Partner

Knowing when to say, “I love you to your boyfriend or girlfriend” can be challenging in the earlier stages of a relationship. You may worry about saying it too soon, but you may also be worried that you are not sharing your true feelings with your partner.

As the relationship progresses, you may worry about always saying I love you or wonder you can say I love you too much.

Knowing the answer to “How often should you say I love you to your partner” and other questions surrounding the expression of love can be helpful. 

How often do couples say ‘I love you?’

It varies from couple to couple. Some people may have a strong need for verbal affection, and they tend to say it quite often.

On the other hand, some couples may not need to hear these words as often. It seems that there are two types of couples: those who say it frequently and those who rarely utter these words.

While there is no set frequency for how often you say these words in your relationship, it is helpful for you and your partner to be on the same page. For example, if one or both of you finds it important to express love verbally, it is critical that you know this.

Related Reading: What Is Love?

Should you tell your partner you love them every day?

Whether you and your partner express love on a daily basis depends on your needs and preferences. Again, some couples utter these words multiple times per day, whereas others simply don’t say, “I love you” very often.

If you feel compelled to say it every day, there probably isn’t anything wrong with this. On the other hand, if this is too much for you or simply isn’t important to you, this is probably okay too.

So, is it OK not to say I love you every day?

If you are unsure of whether you and your partner should be expressing love on a daily basis, go ahead and have a conversation with your significant other.

For some people, saying I love you too much in a relationship is a problem, but for others, when you are always saying I love you, both partners are happier.

Ultimately, each person will have different opinions about how often to say it. Some people may feel that the phrase loses meaning when uttered too often and may feel that saying it too much in a relationship is a problem.

Others may prefer to say it at least daily, and some may even tell their partner they love them various times throughout the day, such as in the morning, before leaving for work, after returning home from work, and before bed at night.

Still, others may express their love more frequently, whenever the mood strikes or they feel the appreciation for their partner.

Related Reading: 200 Ways to Say “I Love You”

How soon can I say I love you?

People who are in the beginning stages of a relationship may be worried about how soon after the start of a relationship they can tell their partner they are in love.

One study found that it takes men an average of 88 days to say it, whereas women take about 134 days. This equates to about three months for men and a little under five months for women.

Regardless of what the average amount of time is, it is important to say it when you genuinely feel it. Do not say it because your partner says it first or because you feel a certain amount of time has passed in your relationship.

You can say it for the first time when you truly feel this love for your partner.

What is most important, then, is not the timing of when you express love for the first time but rather the sincerity. If you sincerely love your significant other, you should be able to spontaneously communicate this to them without worry.

There is no need to carefully calculate the timing of the expression or to hold off saying it until a specified time frame, such as five dates, or three months in the relationship, has passed.

Related Reading: Gestures for Saying “I Love You” Without Uttering a Word

Relationship rules about saying ‘I love you

While there is no specific rule about how often you should say it or whether you should say I love you every day, there are a few rules to consider:

• You should be open about expressing your love for your partner. If they have not yet said it, this doesn’t mean you should hide your feelings if they are genuine.
• At the same time, do not force your partner to say these words if they are not yet ready to do so. Allow them to develop their feelings of love at their own pace.
• If your partner expresses love for the first time and you are not yet ready to express it, do not fake an expression of love. You may say, “I think I need more time with you before I can identify my feelings as profound love.”
• People may begin to feel love at different times in a relationship.
• Try not to overthink when you should say I love you to your partner for the first time. If you feel them in your heart, you are ready to express them.
• Do not make a big deal out of saying it for the first time. It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture. It can be a simple statement of your feelings.
• If you are worried about how soon you can say it, try to remember that you and your partner do not necessarily have to be ready to say it for the first time at the same time.
• Do not regret sharing your feelings of love for your partner if he or she does not reciprocate. Being able to communicate your feelings, even though they may not be reciprocated, is a strength.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter how often you say it to your partner or who says it first.

What matters is that your expressions of love are genuine and that the way you express affection is meeting both your needs and your partner’s needs. This will look different in every relationship.

Related Reading: Should I Say I Love You Quiz

How to interpret the phrase “I love you”

Another consideration is the meaning of love. To begin with, people often think of love in terms of romantic love, which may or may not lead to a lasting relationship. On the other hand, a lasting partnership leads to the development of mature love.

Sometimes, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship, this romantic expression means, “ I am feeling wonderful with you at this exact moment.” If expressed after sex, especially, it may mean a strong positive feeling or connection.

That being said, if a relationship is relatively new, saying this expression should signify that your partner feels positive about you at the moment, but you should still view it with skepticism.

It is also important to look at a person’s actions. If your partner keeps expressing but disrespects your wishes and does not give you time and attention, they are not demonstrating love.

On the other hand, when a person demonstrates through their actions that they love you, the statement is likely visceral and authentic. As time passes within a relationship, love can become more mature.

Related Reading: When to Say I Love You – 9 Signs It’s Time

Times when you should say “I love you”

If you are thinking about when do you say I love you in a relationship, there are some times that it is better to express it for the first time. These include:

• In an intimate setting
• While out for a walk
• While sharing a meal together
• When you’re sober
• At a laid back time, rather than in the midst of a grand event

Beyond these specific guidelines, you should reserve statements of love for moments when you genuinely mean them.

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Times when you should not say “I love you”

There are some appropriate times and settings to express love this way. On the other hand, there are some times that are not the best to say it for the first time:

• When you or your partner has been drinking
• Right after sex
• When you are around other people
• In the middle of a major event

If you are wondering when you should say I love you, keep in mind that this should be a private moment shared between you and your partner.

This is why it is best to avoid saying these words in the middle of a major event or when you are around other people.

You also want the statement to be meaningful instead of something that is said during a moment of passion after sex or when you are under the influence of alcohol.

Related Reading: Romantic Love Messages for Your Partner

Conclusion

Whether you are thinking about saying it for the first time or are in the midst of a lasting relationship where you have expressed your love plenty of times, there are some general guidelines to keep in mind.

First, the amount of time it takes to fall in love and express this to your significant other varies for each person.

You may even take longer to say express love than your significant other does, and there is nothing wrong with this. The answer to “How soon can you say I love you” will differ from relationship to relationship.

Just as there are no set rules about when exactly to say it for the first time, couples will also vary in how often they say these words.

Some couples may find themselves always saying I love you, whereas others may rarely or never use these words, especially when they have been together for years.

What matters is that both members of the relationship are satisfied with the level of verbal affection and the frequency of expressions of love.

Finally, what is most important, is that you are genuine when you tell your partner that you love them.

This statement shouldn’t be forced or said because you feel obligated to do so. Instead, it should always come from the heart.

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Dr. Jenni Schulz is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she earned her Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology from National University. She has worked in the social work field for 14 years and is currently a professor at Ashland University.... Read more She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness. Dr. Schulz is licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and a school social worker through Ohio Department of Education. She currently works primarily as a crisis therapist at her local hospital and jail, while engaging in mental health consulting virtually. Read less

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