Lack of appreciation can disappoint anyone in any phase of life. All of us like being appreciated, loved, and complimented, particularly by the people we care about. Speaking specifically of matrimony and relationships, appreciation is one of the key ingredients of satisfaction.
A couple that expresses gratitude towards each other on a regular basis eventually develops a culture of being appreciative of all big and small things within their marriage. This may look trivial but it is extremely important for a couple to stay contented and for their marriage to thrive.
Why is appreciation important in a marriage?
It is common to have days when partners cannot communicate enough and fail to convey their appreciation due to reasons like stress and lack of time. While it is natural to be occupied, one must try to make time for their significant other. This is also a way of being appreciative.
Appreciation in marriage not only keeps the partners gratified but also helps in resolving minor relationship issues. It helps in keeping the routes of communication open even in matters of slight disagreements.
If a husband takes the wife for granted or a wife doesn’t appreciate the husband, it can become grounds for bigger problems over time. According to a survey, the percentage of married adults in the US living together came down from 52% to 50% in the last decade.
It is humane to recognize the efforts and contribution of people who care for you. Your spouse is helping you build a happy life and they can expect you to acknowledge their labor. It can be one of the simplest yet most romantic gestures you can make for your better half.
5 ways lack of appreciation can affect your marriage
Genuine appreciation makes people feel lifted up. It can boost a person’s morale and create a natural urge to apply their best efforts.
In the same way, a lack of basic acknowledgment can make a person feel devalued and stuck in the wrong place. It can be one of the major things that destroy a marriage.
A recent study suggests that expressing gratitude is one of the indicators of satisfaction within a marriage.
Appreciation in marriage is as necessary as expressing love. If lack of appreciation in a relationship becomes a habit, it can prove disastrous for your relationship. No one would want their partner to feel taken for granted and lose the passion they feel in the relationship.
At first, this might feel like a slight disappointment but it can build up over time, leading to major relationship concerns.
Let’s say your partner planned a dinner date to cheer you up after a hectic day but bluntly declined the idea without explaining why. This can be a big turn off for them.
To sum up, lack of appreciation in marriage can affect your relationship in the following ways:
1. Can lead to frequent disputes
Constantly failing to acknowledge your partner can build up their disappointment and frustration over time. In no time, this frustration might start reflecting in every other conversation you have with them. A little disagreement can turn into an argument without you even realizing.
2. Can demotivate your partner
Lack of appreciation can make your partner lose their motivation to keep the relationship running strong. They might feel it’s no use putting efforts in an equation where there’s no appreciation or recognition. Gradually, they most likely will stop contributing in the relationship altogether.
This one goes without saying. If either partner fails to appreciate the hard work they put into the marriage, it can lead or add up to a feeling of disappointment. This ‘let down’ can be seen or felt in other aspects of life as well.
4. Can make them lose interest
Lost passion in a relationship is a common outcome of marriage that lacks basic values of satisfaction. An upappreciated partner may lose the urge to take steps towards building a happy life together. In severe cases, this can lead to a broken relationship or marriage.
Little issues listed above can act as a base for bigger relationship concerns. The distress that follows in a troubled marriage can make way for impulsive decisions that may not prove right for either of you in the future.
Can appreciation save a failing marriage?
Lack of appreciation in a marriage is directly related to increased complaining and taking each other for granted. For a couple already going through relationship troubles, lack of appreciation or non-acknowledgment of efforts can add fuel to the fire.
If your marriage does not have any level of gratitude involved from either of you or suffers from a lack of gratitude, you both may have accepted it as a part of your life. It is important that you form a habit of appreciation before you totally lose your companionship.
Do not underestimate the power of appreciation in a marriage. Once you start making your partner feel valued and esteemed, there will be a renewed sense of affection between the two of you. It can make both of you reconsider your decisions that are not in favor of your marriage.
Although appreciation can rekindle lost admiration in a marriage, it is not a sure shot remedy to save a relationship that is falling apart because of other, bigger concerns. In such a situation, you will have to take more serious steps to analyze and see what needs to be done.
3 tips to tackle unappreciation in a relationship
Communication is the most obvious way to deal with the issue of feeling unappreciated in a relationship or marriage. Being open about your insecurities and desires with your partner will most likely convey your feelings. But there can be more constructive ways to deal with this problem.
Being appreciative is directly rooted in being able to feel for the person in question. Irrespective of how much you express your affection, you should first feel that warmth yourself. Your inner admiration for your spouse will shape the outcome of the gestures you make for them.
Inculcate a feeling of kindness within yourself. Whenever your partner does something for you, make it a point to greet them with kind words like ‘Thank you’ or ‘that’s so sweet’. Use affectionate terms like ‘honey’ or ‘sweetheart’ to call or address them.
They may not always seek a response, but praising them anyway for their thoughtfulness will make them unexpectedly happy. To induce these gestures in your routine, you should cognitively feel for whatever good your spouse is adding to your life, be it something big or small.
Expression is an art and those who excel in it can have a nearly-flawless relationship. Every person wants their partner to be expressive towards them, especially when it comes to romantic topics. If you express enough in front of your partner, chances are they will never feel the lack of appreciation.
It is not necessary to be vocal in your responses all the time. Little gestures like preparing their favorite dish for dinner or doing their share of the chores without telling them would also go a long way. Unexpected and sweet little things are very basic to a happy married life.
Also, consider planning something bigger for occasions like birthdays and anniversaries. Plan a trip to their favorite destination and surprise them on their birthday. Similarly, a gadget they’ve been planning to buy for some time can be a perfect anniversary gift.
If you recognize your partner’s effort, it is equally important to express your appreciation towards them. You can find meaningful ways to communicate gratitude to ensure your spouse feels it.
Similarly, compliments can go a long way in avoiding a lack of appreciation and take no time to express at all. Saying something simple as ‘Dinner was great’ or ‘Thanks for washing my car’ can be an extremely kind and positive response for your partner.
To know how you can be more expressive, watch this video:
Giving back the love and affection your spouse showers on you is important. At times, you might be occupied or not feel the need to reciprocate it at the same level. But it should not become a habit to take their efforts for granted.
So, can lack of attention ruin a relationship? The answer is yes.
The key to a successful marriage involves reciprocation from both the partners. If either of the partners deters from contributing equally, it might affect the other one’s motivation. Appreciate the fact that they care about you. Let it reflect in your actions to leave no scope for lack of appreciation.
When both partners begin to appreciate each other for all the ways they are adding to each other’s life through, they can start a cycle of gratitude to maintain as a healthy marriage ritual. Each of you will be naturally encouraged to do more out of it.
Every time you make a negative interchange with your spouse, try to make at least five positive ones to compensate for it. Aim to appreciate the good and analyze the bad instead of reacting impulsively.
If you think of ‘my wife doesn’t appreciate me’, try to ask yourself ‘why’. You can also try customized marriage counseling in the worst-case scenarios. See what more can be done to remove this lack of appreciation.
Be open to look for ways in which you can build your marriage or relationship further. Keep finding means and opportunities to appreciate each other. Your bond will get stronger not just through the ways you try but also through the sheer fact of putting thought into it.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.
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